ANTM: And The Winner Is....

Teyona!!! However many weeks ago, when the new America's Next Top Model season premiered, I let you all know that I had no intention of watching...but I had to and I'm glad I did. This was best season in a long time. There were personalities worth despising and liking quite a bit. While the drama was a tad corny (nothing will ever top Eva, YaYa and Eva's best friend in the house that was jealous of her but I can't memba her name or the hot tub sex with Shandie) each of the girls actually had real model potential. The best part, is that my early faves made it to the top three: Aminat, Teyona, and Allison. Aminat is gorgeous. Of the three girls, you look at her and you think she has no competition, she should have this in the bag. She has er'thing required to be a model but she needs work. Her face looks the same in er'last picture. If Tyra don't teach you nothin, she teach you how to hit the fierce faces. When Aminat learns how to "smile with her eyes" she is going to be off the chain. I'm not worried bout her. Allison gets the award for most improved. She was the big eyed weirdo shy chic who figured out how to make all that work for her. She definitely has a future in modeling. I actually grew to like her alot. I'm happy for her. As for the winner, Teyona...I still see her and see a regula schemgula chic you see er'day on the street. She doesn't look like anything special...until she gets in hair and make-up and gets in front of that camera. Teyona knows how to take a damn good pic. She deserved this win. I'm just soooo happy that Celia didn't make it to the top three. That bitch is not cute and she looks like she is 35, not 25. However, she does know how to put an outfit together...I mean when your face don't work you gotta figure something out, you know? Lastly, I just want to point out that in the final judging panel, Tyra's baby hair was beyond poppin. Why must the baby hair be that serious, Tyra? This is prolly for real, for real, my last time watchin ANTM. I believe the next season is for pretty midgets. No thanks. It's been fun tho....

ANTM: How Could I Not?

After the last season of America's Next Top Model, I said I was done and wouldn't and couldn't watch another season. Last season was wack as hell and in fact, for the last few seasons I could no longer even remember who won or who some of the stand outs were. Basically, there hasn't been an Eva, a Toccara, a Bre, a Mercedes, a Yaya, a Jaslene or even a Shandi, a Jade, or a Furonda....I might be kidding about Furonda. Point is, ANTM used to have some fly memorable models that you rooted for or loved to hate and there was a lack of all of that in these last few cycles. I thought ANTM would never be the same again and I was going to find a new obsession. But alas, I knew who was gonna make it into the top 12 on American Idol (Lil Rounds and her serious badoonkadoonk, the blind guy, and Jorge) and I could catch the Top Chef Reunion 10 more times this week and nothing else was on.....so I had to just take a peak. And I'm so glad I did. America's Next Top Model is back bitches!!! This season the girls are purdy and they have attitudes for days! Before the final 13 were selected and they were going through the semi-final blah blah, there was a girl named Angelea from Buffalo, NY rockin her door knockers, a my little pony fake pony, and long ass air brushed lee press on nails that were atrocious. Even worse, she couldn't hide the fact that she was hood and more than rough around the edges. She ended up getting into a fight with this chic Sandra. More on her later. And what is really good with these ghetto ass white girls? There was this chic that said in her AUDITION tape that she would smack a bitch if she got in her way and she don't give a fuck. Ummmmmm, really? She's more hood than Lil Hood on For the Love of Ray J (I told ya'll I can't help it) and Tyra knew damn well she wasn't going to pick her to be on the show so I have no idea how she even made it to the top 36. Anyway, so the girls that did make the top 13..... This is Thalia. She was burned as a baby and has scars all over her body. She has a pretty face and I think there is something beautiful about her scars. I don't know how far she'll get, but I hope she does well. Meet Teyona! She's one of my early faves. She's reppin Jersey (even tho she's from West Bubba Fuck Jerz) and I, like Tyra, love her small head and her wind in her face face. If she learns how to model, she's gonna do VERY well. This bitch is Sandra. Lemmme tell you bout Sandra. So when I first see her, I'm like look at Alek Wek's cousin! She's beautiful. Her smile, her face, her skin, her hair. Loved it! It was obvious that she was confident and she should have been, but then she just got a bit extra wit it. Then during the semi-finals, Tyra says strike a pose and you can see her try to step in front of Angelea (the one from Buffalo) with her arms spread wide and they got into it a little bit about that. But then, somebody rolled their eyes, and the two of them go at it. Sandra started it but because Angelea was the more aggressive of the two, it kind of seemed like Angelea was the one in the wrong and Mr. Jay reprimanded her and not Sandra. Sandra makes it to the top 13, Angelea doesn't, and Sandra who is the last name called, bumps Angelea as she walks over to the other girls who made it. SO mean and unnecessary. Like you won bitch! Isn't that enough? How can you still have hate when you made it? So then they get to the house. Celia gets the key to the house and they tell her that because she has the key she can pick her bed. Sandra picks a bed and says that she picked it because she isn't there to make friends with those bitches and she's just there to knock them all down. Well Celia picks the same bed that Sandra does and she has the right to because she got to choose whatever bed she wants. Sandra of course is not happy and she is tryna make Celia share the bed talkin bout "I hope you don't snore"....da hell?! Then a group of girls are talking while Sandra is trying to sleep and she tells them to go into the living room and have their dumb conversation in there cuz she's tryna sleep....da hell?! Now the whole time, Sandra is talkin about how great she is and there is no competition. Well they do their first runway show and Sandra trips and stops not even 1/3 way down the runway and goes back. Then they have their first photo shoot and her joint is wack. And she ends up in the bottom two. Of course Tyra saves her because she has such potential, but her cockiness, her rudeness, and all around stankin ass is gonna be her downfall. I HATE to love her....but you kinda have to. She's gorgeous. Bitch. Nijah! She's just so pretty and seems to have a really sweet personality. She hasn't shown me anything spectacular yet, but I see potential. She could kinda of be like Danielle...she's pretty and has talent but she's quiet about it. This is Natalie. Ummmm, I don't memba her. London the street preacher. Yes, she gives sermons on the street about Jesus. I think she's interesting...not sure if she has model potential tho. Kortnie is the only plus-size model who is the former girlfriend of Dale Earnhardt Jr. I think she's kinda hot. She's on my one to watch list. Jessica from Puerto Rico! I was laughing really hard when she said she's never been called ugly in her life and my boo Miss Jay said, you mean you've never been called ugly to your face. AHAHAHAHA....sigh, I need Miss Jay in my life. Anyway, she is very pretty but I didn't see anything model fierce about her. It may be there, but I see her more as like a Maxim chic than a runway chic. Isabella. Well she is epileptic and has the kind of seizures where she falls out and her eyes roll back in her head. On the runway, there were strobe lights which can affect her epilepsy....I have to say, I was just waiting for it...but of course she did a pretty good job. Too bad her first picture sucked, cuz she's gone. Oh wellz. Love me some Fo! Yes, this is Fo. She calls herself Blackxican cuz she's Mexican and Black. I think she is absolutely cute as hell. She's shorter than the other girls so that may be an issue but if she learns how to work it, I think Fo can be fiiiiiierce! Celia. She's from Kentucky where she says people don't care about fashion cuz they're too busy mowing their lawns. She moved to NY because she loves fashion, its her life, and she is really tryna do this modeling thing. Eh. The Weirdo. Allison. She thinks nose bleeds are beautiful. Total nut case. But she has this alien weirdo look with these ridiculously round eyes that come across really well on film. She may be around for a while. Aminat!!!!! Right, now she is my absolute favorite!! I love her. Love her hair, love her look, love her body, love her attitude.....and I LOVE the fact that homegirl is 6 feet 1 inch tall and still rocks her 3 and 4 inch heels. That's what I'm talkin bout! You Betta Weeeeeeeerk Aminat! (I know a lil sumtin sumtin about dat Amazon steez) Her look is luscious and very modelesque. She looked gorgeous on that runway. Her photo wasn't the best and she has to work on her faces, but she is definitely gonna do the damn thing this season. I'm excited to see how fabulous she does. (And she's from Jersey too!) And that's the rundown. I can't believe I'm pumped about this season. So not expected. Well done Tyra! So um....until next week....MAKE OVERS!!!!!!

By The Way, About America's Next Top Model....

I think I'm officially over it. The screaming every time the Js walk in, or Tyra walks in, or a box is left somewhere or anything happens...I can't. It got on my damn nerves. Also, I think I'm just...well I'm a woman of a certain age and these little girls just don't do it for me anymore. Now with that said, Isis isn't as interesting/fabulous as I thought she would be but I think it is great that she is on the show. I mean, she's clearly part of the reality show Tranny Trend but still, she's fiercer than some of the other bitches on the show and she's taping a ding-dong up her butt crack. And she had one of the best photos of the night. Oh and that Sharaun bitch who got sent home and deserved to get sent packin, she was real out of pocket tryna fuck up Isis' photo shoot. Bitch was talking to her thru the curtain talkin bout, Isis you need to burn some of that hair off. Isis you need to shave. Silly shit like that. Isis kept it mature and kept it together and gave fierce pic while that bitch passed out and cried when Tyra didn't call her name. Anyhooo, while I won't be running home to watch ANTM, I'll still be watching when I feel like it. But unless my mood fits, don't expect any re-caps...not that ya'll even want any. Since I did watch this time, these were my favorite photos of the night AND my top four. Brittany Isis Elina Sheena

ANTM: Only Cuz Of Isis

So I haven't really discussed the new and upcoming season of America's Next Top Model. I was prayin I wouldn't want to watch it BUT of course Tyra done got me again. I have to watch to see the Tranny known as Isis. I'm sure you all know the back story...she was one of the models in the homeless photo shoot they did in one of the challenges last season and now she/he is a contestant this season. I want you all to watch Isis on the runway struttin her stuff. She is a bit much and I'm sure Tyra will tell her you walk down the runway, you pose and then you walk back. Right now, Isis walks down, up, back down, spins, twirls, back down, more spins and then freezes in a pose mid-runway. Yup, Isis is fierce ya'll and dammit to hell, I'll be watchin. ISIS TSUNAMI RUNWAY ICON BALL 2008

Tyra's Plus Sized Plan

I hadn't planned on discussing America's Next Top Model since I stopped bloggin about this season after Marvita got kicked off. The show is becoming way too predictable blah blah but I did not predict that Whitney would win. And well, she is the first plus sized model to win the competition. Fine. Great. I think it is wonderful. But then I come across this.... Supposedly, Whitney never auditioned for the show. No big deal, as a few girls from passed seasons were approached in malls or whatever. However, someone sent FourFour an email with those pictures and explained the following: I debated on whether to share this given my source and you may have heard this already...The source is this wonderfully chatty boy in one of my classes...who says he went to high school with Whitney. The claim is that Whitney did not try out for top model but was approached on a plane by someone from the show. She was already doing modeling as a size 2 or 4 but because she was closer to a 4 she was a little too big for the show as a regular model. They told her that if she went and gained 10-20 pounds they would definitely put her on the show as "the plus-size model". She's about a 6 or 8 on the show. He even showed us this picture of her when she was smaller which was from a year ago. He also said that she was going to make the top 3. That's why I held out from saying anything for 3 weeks. I wasn't sure if anything was credible. But since the "top 3" thing came through... I mean I don't see why a model who is already a size 2 or 4 would purposely gain weight just to be on a show....unless she was told she would definitely win because it was time for a plus sized model to win -- I mean it has been 10 seasons already. I'm not sayin but I'm just sayin....in either case, Congrats to Whitney -- fake plus size or not. I think I might really be done with ANTM. 10 seasons are enough. Not to mention, I'm going to be all caught up in Tyra's new show, Stylista, that was just revealed at the CW upfronts. Damn you Tyra.

ANTM: Buckwheat In a Headlock

OK so Fatima's armpit hair wasn't that serious but that was an entertaining moment for me in last night's episode of America's Next Top Model. Last night focused on Whitney, Dominique and Marvita. Whitney, the plus-sized model, clearly thinks she is fabulous, knows she's a bitch and doesn't like Dominique. Dominique, is trannyliscious, believes that she is already America's Next Top Model, and doesn't follow the phone list and thus missed her time on the phone. She and Whitney fought about the phone and Dominique called Whitney racist blah blah blah...boring. Not to mention, I hate when white people say they aren't racist because they have a black friend and um, everybody keeps telling me Dominique is white. In any case, and more importantly, Marvita, felt the weight of being ghetto and her traumatic life experiences coming down on her. She began to believe that she wasn't worthy. The challenge was a Pose Off under the direction of the way too fierce Vogue 'inventor' Benny Ninja and model Vendala. Benny had the girls 'learn' how to pose for Catalogue, Commercial, and Couture. They were divided into teams and had to battle it out while The Kids gave two snaps, lemme fix my hair, and a shimmer applicay in a split formation for all the girls that posed with the fierceness. Personally, I didn't think any of them did anything great but I thought Dominique did well and I knew she would because she was amongst her people. When Whitney dropped in the split, as she saw one of the kids do, I was like well alright then -- you better work. Still don't like the bitch tho. Marvita was a mess. She just did the robot with a leg lift. BUT it didn't get no worse than Fatima. She literally started moving on top of the girl she was battling! She is such a weirdo. Anyway, the team Claire is on wins and they get to go to a swag tent and since Claire was the best on her team, she won a trip to Bora Bora. Nice. Claire and Stacy Ann strike a pose ( Elle this one is for you - da bicycle!) The photo shoot was a close up face shot with creative bendy/pointy hair and paint squirts on the face. This was prolly my favorite photo shoot to date. It was really simple but very artistic. During panel, Fatima's under arm hair was the focus and she said she doesn't shave. I mean, she is from Africa and I would think Tyra would understand that that is just something they prolly don't care too much about. Not to mention, while the hair was real visible, for her not to shave at all, it wasn't even that serious. But seriously, I'm glad they were sure to tell her that a models' primary duty is to be clean and shaved. So I'm sure she went home and hit that. Dominique took my favorite shot and I couldn't believe it. She actually looked pretty in her picture. She is never pretty to me. She has a beauty about her but she isn't pretty. She pulled it off and I was pleased. Marvita, like so many before her, let the pressure get to her and she was defeated. She didn't even try. But even without trying, I thought her picture was a good one. She looked sad and like she wished she could understand why she is who she is. I wish I could tell her she is going to be asking herself that question for the rest of her life. The real challenge is accepting who you are and loving yourself because of it. Dominique does pretty in paint Underarm hair and all, Fatima's face is ferosh Lauren works the camera like nobody's business There is beauty in Marvita's sadness

ANTM: You Got Meat Draws On

I really don't feel like re-capping last night's episode of America's Next Top Model so here is quick rundown. They did a firefighter quick change and had a runway walk lesson in front of the firemen at a firehouse. The shoot was in a meat factory and their outfits were made of actual meat. In between all of that, Aimee has a problem taking a shower in front of people and when Dominique, Marvita and others tried to get to the bottom of the problem, Whitney made it her business to defend Aimee. It was beyond corny and trivial. There was a fashion show for House of Tuleh and Lauren has the worst walk ever. Like ever. Kat won (altho I thought Claire and even Stacy Ann were better than her) and she chose Marvita and the retarded Amis to go with her to do the Seventeen shoot that she won. Blah blah, the photo shoot goes down...Lauren the worse walker has one of the best shots. Marvita looks good in real life but it didn't quite relate on film. Fatima thought since she was wearing meat, she should act like an animal. Not a good idea. Amis, finally goes home. Oh and have I mentioned I hate Tyra mail? My fave shots: Anya Claire Lauren

ANTM: I HATE TYRA MAIL

I HATE TYRA MAIL. I HATE TYRA MAIL. I HATE TYRA MAIL. In case you can't tell, I fuckin hate Tyra Mail. The ding bat that came up with the bright idea to have the models read the fuckin Tyra Mail aloud on the scroll deserves to have their teeth pulled out with a wrench one by one and then beat with a crobar. But now that I've gotten that off my chest, last night's episode of America's Next Top Model was one big product placement. There were the Apple Bottoms in which the girls showed off their "apple bottoms" in their free Apple Bottom jeans, the trip to Wal-Mart to have the Covergirl challenge, and then there was the photo shoot in Elle McPherson's bras and knickers for her new lingerie line. If you could see past all of that, there was also the makeovers. Tyra basically made everyone blonde and gave everyone weaves with the exception of Stacy Ann and Claire who both got baldies. Overall, I think everyone looks pretty good and I think that is because everyone looked good to begin with. I think Fatima needed the most help because her fugly pumpkin hair was a mess and I think the long dark weave definitely works. I think Dominique still looks draggish but she looks softer with the short cut and I love Marvita's hair. Then there was the obvious foreshadowing that ANTM is so famous for. Focusing on the bitch that is going home. And the bitch Allison most certainly deserved to go home. Allison had "modeling" experience and thought she was better than everyone and just knew she was going to win and said so numerous times. She also got highly upset when Fatima said she was bigger than her (which she is and Fatima was just stating the obvious and for the first time I truly felt like Fatima wasn't being a stank ass) and she was like oh great, tell than to the anorexic. Bitch no one is worried about you and your anorexia. You are bigger than her dumb ass! And then she is still mad at Fatima and goes on to say some shit like your black so you like it up the butt. Fatima took offense but I don't think she drilled into that bitch like she should have. Anyway, bitch took an ugly ass picture and Tyra sent her ass home. For some reason though, I think Tyra picked the worst picture for everyone. I didn't like anyone's picture. I liked the concept of the photo shoot but nobody nailed it. However, I did have a few faves. Marvita works the horse tail and gives us the fierceness. Katarzyna looks like she's headed to Victoria's Secret. Fatima works the long weave. She and Iman have to be second cousins. This bitch couldn't believe she was in the bottom two and then lost it when her name wasn't called. Go throw up somewhere bitch.

ANTM: Tyra Ignores Homeless People

But then she was "homeless" for a day and now she stops and gives all homeless people a quarter and a sammich. So last night on America's Next Top Model, Tyra paid homage to homeless young women. Last season on her talk show, she spent a day as a homeless person --people whom she admittedly ignored -- and now she is using her girls in ANTM to help put a face on the homeless by doing a photo shoot with them. But before we even get to the photo shoot....let's discuss why the black girls in the house have to be the ones with such issues? Fatima, the African, is truly gorgeous but her attitude makes her so ugly. But then you think...damn, wouldn't you have an attitude if your clitoris was chopped off and your labia was sewn together? I mean, I have a serious attitude problem and my va-jay-jay situation is A-OK. So fuck is my excuse? But then its like, really Fatima, simma down bitch. This high and mighty Coming to America role you are playing is so not necessary and you fuckin with Marvita who looks like she will knock your 88 pound block off. Relax Fatima. Seriously. Fatima And Marvita, who definitely has a modelesque look about her....kind of like a dark skinned a lil more hood and less hot version of Omyra....she of course is dealing with being a former homeless person and being raped etc. I feel for her and I can see that she is trying really hard not to be "that black girl" and I was happy when she told Fatima that she has never met a mean African until she met her. And then once Fatima heard Marvita's story they kind of patched things up but it still annoyed me that right off the bat, the black people can't just get along. Marvita Side note, I hate the new "Tyra Mail".....with all of the models reading the words one by one as they come out on the scroll. That is going to annoy the shit out of me for the rest of the season. As for everyone else, I loved when new judge Paulina Porizkova (she's no Janice but she's a huge upgrade from Twiggy) told Dominique that she looks like a drag queen cuz she does. Kim, the model who has the pug face (bulbous nose and a squished face), eliminated herself because she realized that modeling wasn't for her. I agree with her that one outfit shouldn't cost $2,000 but bitch there have been 10 cycles of this show. Did you not know that models model shit that cost more than most people will see in a year? Dumb ass. As for the photo shoot....overall, I think everyone did a great job feeling like they were homeless while surrounded by the real homeless girls in their couture ensembles. My favorite picture was taken by Aimee. Even though Pug face eliminated herself, Tyra still had an elimination and my pretty girl Atalya was eliminated. At this point, it is hard to say who is going to make it to the end because more than a few actually have model potential. More so than in the last few cycles of the show. So we'll just have to see how things go after the make-over, more fighting, runway walk training etc. My favorite shot - Aimee Atalya - Bye boo. I can't believe I'm watching a tenth cycle of this show. Damn you Tyra!

I Just Had To Look....

So I think I promised myself -- after I called that Saleisha would win America's Next Top Model -- that that would be my last season. Altho I did enjoy Assbergers thoroughly -- I mean, I know I'm not the only who never knew someone could make Assbergers look so hot -- I was done. But dammit to hell I just had to go and take a sneak peak at these Cycle 10 bitches.....and I already have favorites...damn you Tyra! Damn you and the CW! Already loving Atalya. She's cute! Claire...something about her I'm feeling. I purposely chose not to look at those leg warmers. Fatima.....skinny as shit, but has something Imanish bout her. The show is set to return on February 20th....clearly, I'll be watching.

ANTM: As I Knew....

CONGRATULATIONS SALEISHA!!!!!

ANTM: DING DONG THE BITCH IS ELIMINATED!

So in all reality, this season of America's Next Top Model has been boring as all hell. Last night's episode was boring....the best part was that Bianca got her evil ass sent home. Now bitches....you all know I'm as evil as they come, but I wouldn't spend my time talking about how everyone else is fuckin up (altho I would be quick to talk about a bitch with a fugly pic, or a bitch who is dumb as hell, or why Twiggy looks like she's 80 fuckin years old).....I would much rather spend my time telling the cameras just how fierce, fly, and fan-fuckin-tastic I am. Oh, I could do that all damn day. Bianca on the other hand was so aware of the fact that she wasn't going to win and her self confidence was so low, that she chose to find flaws in everybody else and purposely try to sabotage people and make them feel bad about themselves in order to make her feel better about herself.....same dumb loser bitch, different season. Anyway.....my girl Saleisha is getting more fierce as the competition goes on.....as I PREDICTED and knew she would. She's gorgeous and she definitely has the ability to be a Cover Girl or in a high fashion spread for ELLE. She's only going to get better. Chantal....there isn't anything special about her. She'll be going home first next week. Unless Jenna fucks up royally (which very well could happen) --- I don't even feel like talking about how if she's home sick and wants to take care of her sisters she should have kept her ass home and got a job with some insurance so she can fix her jagged edge bottom row teeth --- it will be down to Saleisha and Jenna. And unless Saliesha fucks up royally.....she's going to win this shit. I thought her picture was way better than Chantal's and I thought she looked the best in the group pic too. I am so glad this will all be over next week!

Two of My Bitches In One Night...DAYUM

The good thing is that both of my MAIN bitches are still on my shows but still..... OK so I don't do Project Runway re-caps and I'm not going to today....all I have to say is, I had high hopes for a black girl to do well this season and DAMMIT CARMEN! How dare you send that bullshit down the runway. You knew you didn't know shit about making clothing for men so WHY would you try to pull off some shit you knew you couldn't do!!! These are the challenges that you allow yourself to just blend into the background. Do just enough to pass to the next round. And then you and Ricky have the nerve to be yelling at each other and you two were in the bottom two! If you were thinking, you would have made a shirt and let Ricky's bullshit send him home. The good thing is Christian is still there and don't we love it that he gets carried in and out of the work room by HOT HIV positive Jack?! Mkay as for ANTM. I was busy last night and lost my focus many times throughout the ep but I saw enough to get the gist. For one, I am SO happy that the Asians told Jena that she looks like a dirty unkempt bum. Its about time someone told that bitch. Secondly, I think Bianca would have won the go-see challenge even if all girls had finished BUT when is she going to learn that opening and closing your mouth and pouting your lips is not modeling? Lastly can I just say how proud I am that my two favorites made it to the top 5. OK maybe proud isn't the word but I knew they would go far. It was, however, time for my Ass-bergers to go. Her pictures weren't getting worse but they weren't getting any more fierce and her hunch back seemed to become more and more prominent. The pressure was getting to her and if a regular bitch can't find her way around China, then how is an Ass-bergers gonna do it?! But at the end of the day, Tyra couldn't keep allowing her to be safe just because she has a disability. But ya'll know Ass-bergers is about to make it do wut it do....who saw Ass-bergers on Good Morning America this morning looking all pretty and Ass-bergery?!!! They did a whole segment on the fact that boys usually have Ass-bergers and about how rare it is and how Ass-bergers has given hope to all autistic young people blah blah. I love her. Anyway, Saleisha is still there and getting better and I really think she might make it to the final two. If Jena doesn't get her shit together then Saleisha may win this thing. Am I the only one ready for this to be over?