Just Cuz I Watched The 2011 BET Awards...

Hey there, hi there. My last post was more than a year ago, so I'm not really expecting anyone to read this. If you are reading this, by some random Google type miracle, I decided to just blog a lil sumtin right quick just because the 2011 BET Awards just ended and the only thing I actually thought to do was blog about it. This is not a rundown like I would have done in the past - does the one of you that is possibly reading this remember "The Gist"? Well anyway, no this is not a post with accurate details of the entire show, instead, just a few thoughts about a few things that stood out for me. 1. Kevin Hart was actually a pretty decent host. Even a lil funny - I more than appreciated the "Ne-Yo never mind, I saw your head, keep your hat on" statement. The House Husbands of Hollywood segments were a welcome comedic addition to the show but I can ALWAYS do without Nick Cannon. Always. And funny enough, my favorite Basketball Wife, Tami Roman was the best part of it all. Good work outta you Tami! Anyway, here's my thing about Kevin Hart. He's a smidget. Yes, he's a small midget and I find smidgets very hard to take seriously. He was the same size as those lil boys he was steppin wit at the beginning of the show. I can't with smidgets. 2. Mary J. Blige was a fantastic show opener. Lookin good too, Mary! And of course, I especially loved the Anita Baker "Caught Up in the Rapture" duet. I was jammin. I wanted Anita to have on some earrings tho. 3. I was looking forward to Chris Brown's performance. Despite Chris Brown, I'm still a fan. But um, why did Busta Rhymes make Chris Brown irrelevant in his own shit? And what da fluff was he wearin? Those were like Hammer pants with thigh pads...for no reason. Did anyone see any reason for his pants to be so autismical? 4. Seriously, Willow and Jaden Smith tie for the Young People award??!! Ummmm, Willow asked people to whip their hair in one song. DA fluff else has she done? Jaden at least got two movies under his belt but com'on son. KeKe Palmer been runnin the pretty lil black gurl game for years. Not to mention, she was killin' em tonite...gurl is gorgeous...she looked stunning. But um er uh, these Smith kids just came out da damn womb and they've clearly had a good year, but not good enough to be beatin youngins who been at this SUCCESSFULLY for a minute. Not sayin they aren't talented but um, no. If the award is, everybody knows our name right now cuz I was the Karate Kid, I made ya'll Whip Your Hair, my mother's show just started back up on TNT and my father is filming MIB right now, then they win that shiz hands down. 5. Why do boys still wear pants hangin off their asses? And seriously, why are the boys/"men" who still rock this style lil tiny smidgets that prolly wear clothes out of the children's section and the jeans are SKINNY??? Ugh. 6. How come I didn't know half the people nominated or in the audience. I honestly don't think it is cuz I'm gettin old. I mean it may be, but I really think it is cuz music fuckin sucks as do the people providing the bull shit. 7. It's bad enough Justin fuckin Bieber is at the BET Awards for no reason but of all the awards he can present, Best Male Hip Hop Artist. Sigh...anything to get white people watchin, huh BET? 8. How come nobody told Debra Lee that her dress looked like hot shit. It was poorly made and was ill-fitting. And it was just ugly. Maybe Debra may want to take Kevin's advice and include a "No-Man" in her crew. Really, it shouldn't have taken nothing but a look in the mirror but...yeah. No. And no. 9. Mkay. So "Motivation" is on my serious rotation right now and has been for months. So as you can imagine, I was more than excited to know that Kelly Rowland was performing. BET never really mentioned her in the commercials prior to the show or even when they would announce who was coming when they cut to commercials during the show (how many times did you hear them say stay tuned for Justin fuckin Bieber?). So I was thinking that maybe she was closing the show or doing some kind of special surprise performance. Seems she was the after Trey Songz performer...hmmmmmmmm. Now I love the remix with him on it BUT I feel like he should have been HER after performer. This time should be Kelly's time. When was the last time Kelly - as a single artist - done had any kind of love in America, let alone a number one song that people are still excited about?! Uh, I'm thinkin never. So I was all too pumped to think that Kelly was bout to come out and SMASH this shit and have people excited about Motivation all over again and ready to buy her album when it comes out. But of course, that is not what happens - at least not in my unsolicited opinion. Kelly comes out wearing a big ass hat and a stupid suit. She has the sexiest song in the world right now and this bitch is wearing a big ass hat and a suit. The hat totally hid her face, which is her best fuckin asset, and wasn't nothing sexy or cute about that pants suit situation. No and fuckin no, Kelly. I hate to say it, but if Beyonce was coming out singing that song, she would have been in the most sexiest outfit - still keepin it elegant and classy - and she would have sexed up that whole stage with a full on motivation situation. Kelly doesn't get too many opportunities to shine and it just pissed me off that she didn't take full advantage. She did sound great and she gets a B+ for effort, she just didn't smash it and she should have. Then when she tries to get sexy at the end with Trey, rippin her shirt off, it was too late and it was done awkwardly. Not happy. I'm rootin for you Kelly Row but you just proved why some people will always remain the bootleg version. 211626215621 by yardie4lifever2 Trey make skinny bird chest sexy. That is for sure. And he actually sounds good too. Positives where you can find them. 10. The Patti LaBelle tribute may have been my favorite of the night. Patti is one of my favorite all time singers ever so I was just excited for the tribute...but I was worried cuz it's not too many people that can sang one note that Patti can. Cee-Lo Green as Patti LaBelle...HILARIOUS (and he sounded good too). LOVED IT! Marsha Ambrosius' voice is awesome. Always been a fan - her album is grrrreat. She did an excellent job. Shirley Caesar looked like Glenda the Good Witch and sang.her.ass.off. Patti is more than deserving of her Lifetime Achievement Award. SANG PATTI! patti211626221634 by yardie4lifever2 11. Ummmmmm, BET. Really? Seriously? Ya'll don't know who the winners of the awards are? How could there be such a major confusion between Chris Brown, Rihanna and Drake? Then you literally have the wrong dude accepting the award like he really won it? WOMP WOMP. That is, how would you say....ghetto. Total jackasses. WHY BET?! 211626225543 by yardie4lifever2 The girl chosen to present the award tweeted: The tablet fuckin said CHRIS BROWN….the TELEPROMPTER said Rihanna. What the FUCK?????? Goin home. I wouldn't go home. I would make sure they give me er'thing in the celeb gift bags and a few bottles to ease the embarrassment caused by their triflin asses. Then I would make sure they got me into all the after party parties and I would tell anybody who would listen what major fuck ups work at BET. At least you got yourself 2 minutes of fame and who knows, maybe BET will give you a job...I mean, you've shown you know how to read - whether it is on the tablet or the teleprompter - and that seems to be the minimum criteria. Anyhoo, congrats to Chris Brown for being the real winner and for winning er'other award he won. 12. Queen Latifah looked great! Like she really looks good! I believe that was worth mentioning. 13. I'm excited for the new show with Traci Ellis Ross and Malcolm Jamal Warner. A happily married couple, doctors, with three cute kids. I could use some Cosby-like TV on my TV. 14. Oh and um, Beyonce. Is there really even anything to say about her? She's the epitome of "ain't no sense in doing this shit if I'm not gonna smash it, shut it down, murder it and look daaayum good while I do it." SHE'S A BEAST!!!! Even if you don't like her songs, her stage situation has you singin along, wavin your hands from left to right, and staring at her , mouth open, all caught up like she isn't real. Bitch does run the world and with good reason. It's almost not fair. But it's not her fault she's as good as it gets and as good as its been for the last however many years (see #9. Er'body else are bootleg versions). There's more I can say but that's enough. If ever my mood is fittin' and I'm compelled to say what I mean and mean what I say, I'll say it again. And what? Be well bitches.

Kelly Is Finally On Top!

Even if she had to release singles in Lebanon to get there. Kelly is looking beyond gorgeous and telling USA Today that she's FINALLY at a place in her life where she feels empowered and fearless. Seems she spent much of her time feeling complacent and not believing in her own talent and capabilities. And who can blame her? When you spend your entire life/career walkin in the shadows on that bad B and being managed by (your real father who won't claim you) the father of the bad B who only has her best interest in mind...feeling like you can't make it on your own sounds about right. But now that Kelly left da Knowleseses, got new people, is experimenting with new music, and embracing the love from overseas she is fulfilled, happy, successful and is ready to make it do wut it do. I for one, am very happy for her. Yay Kelly Ro!

Record Deal, Schmecord Deal.

Just as I was bout to write some shit about how the buzz is that Solange done lost her record contract with Geffen and some extra bullshit about how Daddy Matthew sacrificed Kelly - hence her being dropped from Columbia - to some how keep Solo....I learn that Solo done Twittered, as she does more than a crack head hits da pipe, that she wasn't dropped. Actually, her words were: "stooopiddd iddddiots" rumor control for the day:) I was NOT released from Geffen/Interscope... now back to your regular scheduled program:) about 4 hours ago from web I don't know about people being stooopiddd iddddiots. I mean, I know that lots of these rumors stem from some kind of truth BUT I was thinking that even tho Solo's album barely sold 100K, her album was dope and her artsy fartsy groove has been rather on point and I don't think she should be dropped. On the flip side, we all know how gorgeous and talented Kelly is and how she is relatively sabotaged each er'time she gets a chance....Solo actually got a release date that didn't have to get pushed back so her sister's album could come out, she's been getting all kind of show dates, and got to perform on high rated television events cuz her sister did.........as per usual, shit we all know, and I'm not sayin...just sayin. Source

Kelly Got A Job Ya'll!

All that talk about Kelly being on suicide watch cuz she got cut from her label is obviously bull shizz. Since Bravo has lost Project Runway, one of the bestest reality competition shows, to Lifetime they said fuck it and just recycled that shit....same concept, new hosts, new judges, new name. The show is called "The Fashion Show" and Ms. Kelly along with Isaac Mizrahi will be hosting. "The 15 designers will compete in the Harper's Bazaar mini challenge -- which will be judged by the magazine's Special Projects Director Laura Brown -- and then the elimination challenge. The winning contestant will nab the $125,000 prize as well as have their clothing line available for retail, so the designs will also have to appeal to the Average Joe or Jane, not the haute couture crowd." Hopefully it doesn't disappoint and Kelly gets to keep this job for at least a season or two. Check Kelly on her Bravo Vlog: Source

Happy Birthday Kelly!

So da Chi'ren came out for a surprise birthday celebration for Kelly. Obviously, there is no drama and all remains loving and happy between the 'sisters'. I just have two thoughts.... Kelly is fuckin gorgeous. Her skin is glowing and hair looks fab. It is amazing how she grew into that head of hers. I think they used to make her keep the short hair back in the day cuz they knew her potential and that head made her look a bit like a hot alien. Couldn't have her looking hotter than some of the others....you know, how she looks now. How come they let cousin Angie walk out the house - walk the red carpet no less - lookin like Crusty da Clowns sister? Since she's no longer Yonce's assistant, do they no longer feel the need to tell her to at least comb her hair? Wait....did she ever comb her hair? Hmmmmmmm, now that I think about it, Busted Fab was always Angie's steez. Neva mind.

Kelly Finally Has New People

So either pigs are flying or Kelly has finally realized that she'll never have the solo career she wants as long as her manager is Yonce's father. "After a very positive meeting between Kelly Rowland and myself, we have amicably agreed to end our professional relationship. My company, Music World, will continue to manage Destiny's Child as a group. As an artist Kelly has incredible talent and I only wish her the best. We will always be family first and foremost, and as a dad I only have love for Kelly." ----Mathew Knowles" Mathew Knowles has been a positive influence in my career. I have had great success under his guidance — both as a member of Destiny’s Child and with my solo projects. Although we have decided to part ways professionally, the Knowles family and the entire Music World Entertainment team will always be my family." ---Kelly Rowland It's about damn time! Maybe now she may actually get the promotion and marketing she deserves....but now she's gonna have to step her game up and put her swagga on a hundred thousand trillion. Good luck Kelly! Source

Yonce, Solo, Michelle, and Kelly

So I learned little tidbits about our favorite Destiny Chi'ren and the little sister, and I figured I may as well post them all together. I'll start with Yonce and Solo. So memba I was tellin ya'll how Yonce is bout to conquer da world and part of her world domination is a beyond serious world tour? Well, it looks like baby sis Solo will be on that tour too! (shocker) But here is where it gets interesting..."Reports suggest that following the main show with Beyonce, fans will have access to an official after-party where they can see Solange perform at a smaller venue." Ummmmmm, she can't even be the openin act? She can't even perform on the same stage as Yonce/Sasha Fierce?? I mean she is blood relation. But who knows....maybe a lil Solo after party is just what you need after you done sweated your ass off gettin yourself bodied and tellin mofos to put a ring on it. (I kinda can't wait!) And seriously, don't Kelly and Michelle have albums out too? Couldn't they get some after party or opening act performance time too? I mean, I'm not sayin...but I'm sayin. Next I had heard that Kelly, whom we've seen recently on vacation wit best friend Serena in Miami but really lives in the UK now because that's where they love her, is possibly dating Ursher. Say what now? Oh yes. The Usher who spent more time proving his love in magazines then actually loving his Jelly Belly -- that Usher. In case you all didn't know, baby #2 is coming next month and Ursher and Jelly Belly are officially dunzo. As we all knew they would be. I mean, what a fuckin waste of time, energy, and album sales. I mean dude wrote a whole paragraph of dedication to his Jelly in his album thank you for no reason. Loser. Shout out to Mitzi Miller for writing the best Ursher article in VIBE -- the only journalist to actually point out how defensive and completely over dramatic Usher is tryin to prove his love for no reason. (Side note...I'm hatin on your calendar right now Mitzi!!!) Anyhoo....I've totally gotten off subject. This is about Destiny Chi'ren. Kelly. Right. So I don't really believe it, BUT if Ursher and Kelly are tryna make love in da club then I love it! That is a gorgeous and talented couple right there. And isn't that what we all really want anyway? We like for our celeb couples to match -- on all levels. Lastly, Michelle. Poor Michelle. Her album is out now and no one gives two shits. She has a new video and Yonce's videos (both of them) are still the featured videos on Yahoo! Music. You have to search for Michelle's even tho it's new! But can I just say that while I think she looks great -- I love the lilac dress she's wearing in the video and the hair cut looks fab -- this video is BORING as all hell! This song is BORING!! MICHELLE! You are competin with tellin Mofos to put rings on it and being a boy!!!! GET IT TOGETHA! I don't even know what else you could have done for this song in terms of a video but you rollin around in sheets doesn't cut it. Not at all. No, no and no. That firefighter is hot tho. Gospel is callin boo. That's your lane....stay in it.

New Muziq - Kelly Ro

A while back I had a sneak peek at Kelly Ro's "Comeback" video and I was all excited by it because from the snippet, she looked sexy and was tryna handle her biz. Well the full video is here and yes, Kelly Ro is definitely workin it and while the song is not the greatest, she looks hot and right now that is all that matters. We already know she doesn't get the good songs and that prolly won't ever change. However, it looks like she has decided to embrace her sexy -- which I think has also been lacking a bit with her -- and make it do wut it do. I love you, I do Kelly Ro!

They Said I Couldn't Do It Solo - WHAT?!

Kelly Ro....yeah boo, you can't really do it solo. It pains my heart, cuz you know I love you. Sigh...Kelly has decided to buy a home in London due the fact that she spends most of her time there because she only seems to get love on the solo tip in the UK. I, for one, am thrilled that somebody loves her. While performing at the 'BBC 1Xtra Live' festival in London, Kelly yelled out to the crowd "They said I couldn't do it solo - what!" as she sings medleys of old Destiny Child songs. Sadly, even the old songs don't do it anymore. Like, when Yonce sings the oldies they still sound like the hits because well, she was the one singing them by herself in the first place, and because well, she's Yonce. And that is not Kelly's fault. I'm just gonna say, in the future Kelly Ro, just stick to your new songs and just make people like them. We just need repetition and then the next thing you know, we'll be walking down the street singing your song and then we realize that we like the song even tho we thought we didn't at first. Isn't that what everyone does? I don't think I've yet to hear the new song on the radio. You need more people Kelly. Dammit, Kelly, please get new people! Anyway.....watch Kelly try to work the old DC. Kelly Rowland Performs 'Destiny's Child' Medley by ThatGrapeJuice

Kelly Ro - Comeback!

Kelly Ro! I think I might make you my girlfriend. Well at least put you in my rotation...you know for when one ends up in Rehab or has to go away for a while just to um, work things out in her mind. Anyway...Kelly, I was not happy with your album Ms. Kelly....like I hated all of it. I was mad at you for letting Yonce and her daddy tell you all the wrong things to do on purpose. And then you said you were re-releasing your album and I was like damn u Kelly Ro! Didn't I tell you to try something else?! But you didn't give up and felt you could UPGRADE your situation...and Kelly Ro, I have to say, if this sneak peak at your new video for the single "Comeback" on your re-released Ms. Kelly due in March is any indication of the fire you are tryna bring the second time around.....then I'm not mad at you baby girl! Actually, I kinda love it. You look GORGEOUS and more importantly, watching you arch that back, show that thigh, and pop that booty....for the first time, Kelly Ro, I believe you. I'm really hoping you won't make a fool out of me Kelly Ro...I wanna believe you are for real this time. Please be for real this time. kelly by kevipodblog

Kelly Ro...Feathers on Her Booty

Kelly Ro...it's been a minute since I've talked to you boo! How u doin? Awwriiight! Good to hear it. So um, I see you got a job and I'm not mad at you! Was it your idea to wear the Peacock thong corset? If so, good for you! Learning that sex sells at age 20 however old you are is a good look. And since when you get all that junk in your trunk? Yonce finally let you have the last chicken wing from Popeyes?! Word has it that you are trying to become some kind of dancing queen and are working the club circuits in London and throughout the U.K. I say make it do wut it do Kelly Ro! You know I love you and I am so happy you have finally realized that you gets no love over here in the states. Dancing at club G.A.Y is the best thing for you right now. Continue to think outside the box, just like I told you. Stay pretty and naked! Love you boo!

HA! Destiny's Child Reuniting???

Ummmmm, Kelly Ro. Just cuz you was the first choir to get kicked off that make a choir show and cuz you can't seem to get your shizz together doesn't mean DC needs to be reuniting. Kelly said: "This current spate of reunions has given us ideas. Despite what people say we are all still really close. "A couple of weeks ago Beyonce did a show in Los Angeles and asked me and Michelle to join her on stage to sing 'Survivor'. The emotion was incredible and it felt so good to be back up there with the girls again. "It was a real tear-jerker. The fans were crying and going nuts. It was magical. I'd definitely like us to do more stuff like that." First of all, lemme find out Yonce is jealous the Spice Girls getting all the attention. And C) Of course you would like to do more stuff like that....the only time people care about you is when you are standing next to Yonce. Not to mention, she didn't really have you come and "sing" Survivor with her....she had ya'll come out and see how fast you could say Survivor three times. But as long as you got paid for that....and really boo, fans were crying cuz ya'll were on stage for 2.7 seconds? Mkay. And then from what I heard, Michelle is trying to pop off as an R& B singer (you know as opposed to doin the gospel thing and cuz for some reason she thinks people really want to hear that....and I thought you were clueless) and well, we know what Yonce's been up to. Kelly Ro, I told you to find a job doin something else. Like maybe you can sing theme songs to cartoons...you know how ya'll did for the Proud Family. Be creative girl. Maybe try being a contestant on America's Next Top Model. Girl you know you would win AND I damn sure would vote for you to be cover girl of the week every week! But for real, if I were you, I would find a man (one sittin on more stacks than you are, of course) and just do nothing. That sounds like fun livin' to me and then when Yonce needs you to show your face right quick, make sure she cuts your check, smile and nod, then keep it movin. Sounds like fun times to me. You know I love you Kelly Ro. Continued luck with that.

Kelly Ro It's Time....

For you to find something else to do. Yes, you are beautiful. Yes, you are actually talented and can SING but for some reason you are destined to be the dream girl who deserves to shine but won't. This new song has annoyed me to all levels. You are re-releasing your album and you would think this time.....this time you would make Yonce write all your music, have all of her producers produce your shit....and yes, you should have done this because you can't seem to do it by it yourself. But you didn't and you get the cute guy from Gym Class Heros to join you on this bullshit song called Daylight. Why Kelly Ro? I mean the song is not the worst but it isn't good enough to make people buy your shit! Do you realize you are going to re-release your album and people aren't going to buy it for a second time????? Stop doing this to yourself. Please. Since you still haven't learned to come harder and better than before then its time....leave the game for people like your bitch Yonce who doesn't know any other way to come but fierce and fabulous. That bitch knows how to MAKE people love her shit. You have not and will not master that. I'll always think you were the prettiest. Should you want to listen to Kelly Ro's new song, click: I hope Kelly is good at math or something.

Why Kelly? Just WHY????

Did Yonce make you wear this? Did she tell you that wearing fuchsia velvet was hot and that it would make people want to go to your concert? Did she also cut the legs so that they weren't quite capris but not quite high waters either? Oh lord Kelly Ro...I love you but you make my head hurt. You make feel like I have heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach and diarrhea. I'm too weak to continue....I'm fading Kelly Ro....you just make it so hard....please....stop....next she'll make you wear her turban....I can't...it hurts....

Guess Who Is Coming To A City Near You?!

Mark your calendars Bitches!! Ok I know I said after her sad bullshit horrendous fluckin piece a shit video with Snoop that I was done and was no longer going to support her...but I can't help it. I'm such a sap, I know. When it comes to Kelly, I'm just Sally Sensitive. She is still trying. And can you believe somebody even let her go on a tour? So go see her and Mario sing...come on. And you know tickets are only gonna be $17.50. That's a movie and popcorn. Kelly Rowland with Mario - Fall Tour 2007 - Sun 10/28 Seattle, WA Showbox Tues 10/30 Sacramento, CA Empire Events Center Wed 10/31 San Francisco, CA Mezzanine Thu 11/1 Los Angeles, CA House of Blues Sat 11/3 Reno, NV Silver Legacy Casino (Kelly only) Thu 11/8 Phoenix, AZ Celebrity Theatre Sat 11/10 Albuquerque, NM Route 66 Sun 11/11 El Paso, Texas Blu Thu 11/15 Dallas, TX Palladium Ballroom Sat 11/17 New Orleans, LA House of Blues Wed 11/21 Verona, NY Turningstone Fri 11/23 Atlantic City, NJ House of Blues Sun 11/25 Detroit, MI Plan B Thu 11/29 Las Vegas, NV Orleans Casino (Kelly only) Fri 11/30 Las Vegas, NV Orleans Casino (Kelly only) Sat 12/1 Las Vegas, NV Orleans Casino (Kelly only)

Just Why?

Why is this silly ass man suing 1-800Flowers.com for a million dollars cuz they sent the flowers to his house instead of to his girlfriend's house and his WIFE found out he was cheating. LOL! I mean this ish is just hilarious....you are suing the flower people cuz you can't keep your ding ding at home?! Yes he clearly asked the flower people NOT to send anything to his house and they did fuck his shit up, but really boo, a million dollars? The article does bring up some good points and questions whether or not dudes claim is really as insane as it sounds: click here. Why in the HELL won't Yonce just sit her ass down????!!!! On August 21st this bitch is re-releasing B-day for like the 35th time but this time it is ALL in spanish so the 8 spanish songs she had on the other re-release will be on this album with other new spanish songs. This shit is going to be called: 'Irreemplazable'.....I really wish she would Irreemplazable her ass somewhere...like I'm done with B-day. Let's move on B! And to continue to my hating, am I the only one who doesn't like her Emporio Armani’s Diamonds comercial? I like the print ads but her vocals in the commerical sound like she's singing every other song she has ever sung....boo. If you haven't seen it....click. And in other re-release news, word has it that Kelly Rowland is re-releasing her album.....why boo-boo? It was pushed back for years and months so you could "get it just right" and no one bought it. Putting some new songs on there is not gonna help you....your camp is still not going to market or promote you properly and your "sister" is re-releasing her shit for the 12th time, like really Kelly, let it go dear...you have no support and we don't believe you....you need more (and better) people. And speaking of Media Take Out (who just be making shit up some times) is spreading the rumor that Kadeem Hardison and Keisha Knight Pulliam aka Dwayne Wayne and Rudy are dating....I don't believe it but if its true, um ew.

In Case You Missed It...

Somehow Mediatakeout.com is the only site that still has a video of Kelly fallin out during her performance. She really fell the fuck out...like legs flew up and out! Damn you Yonce! Yes it is Yonce's fault that she passed out because she spent all the money on her lace fronts and didn't leave any money for water in Kelly's budget! Then you telling her to eat elephant balls and rhinoceros ass so that she can get her vocal levels up....Oh Kelly.

A Bitch Was Busy Today....

So um, I had shit to do today and didn't have time to spread the stankness but I just wanted to ask a few questions: 1. Why is the Ass of a GoldenDoodle shooting bitches? I mean what is really going on here? Damn you Shesus! Looking at you is enuff to make a bitch die a thousand deaths...did you really have to start buckin? 2. Um, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. You make enough damn money to have Gatorade, Vitamin Water, Poland Springs or whatever with you at all times!! Why are you fainting from deydration on stage?! You know what....since you was in Lagos, Nigeria I bet Beyonce told you to eat elephant balls cuz it will help your vocals. And you listened. A damn shame. 3. And just for giggles.....Who Loves Britney?????

Sigh....Kelly

Kelly FINALLY gets an album release party...a week after its release. It went down last night in NYC. Word has it that the DJ only played 2 of Kelly's songs while they played Beyonce and Jay all night. Sounds like fun times indeed! Kelly, a dumb bitch is as a dumb bitch do. I really don't want to have to make you Director of Music at DBU. Wake the fuck up!!! You looked real cute tho boo! And can I just say one more thing about Yonce? Yeah, um, how Yonce gonna throw two or three birthday parties for Solange...the very first one being on the day Kelly's album was released...and deciding, only AFTER realizing that Kelly's album is BOMBING a WEEK after its release, that it is time to have an album release party and maybe do some marketing? You and your Dad are great B! Like, Kelly is so lucky to have you guys. Really. Oh and nice shirt too! Way to promote your sister!

The Gist: 2007 BET Awards

I must say that BET has managed to get one thing right...and that is the award show. I wouldn't say the show gets better each year, but I can say that I am always entertained and last night was no exception. Overall, the best part of the entire show was that I can't even remember who won awards because it seemed like there was a lot less talking and more performing. I could also appreciate the folks at home getting their shine by creating videos to announce the nominees. Short, simple, cute and funny. Now....while the show was great and everything there, of course, were some moments that we could have all done without. Let's get to it. Show Stopper Award: I have to give this award to both of the Jennifer's and Beyonce. Dammit. Just when I was on my feet damn near catching the holy ghost watching Jennifer Hudson and Jennifer Holliday sing "And I Am Telling You", Beyonce had to come wit it in her C-3PO Star Wars outfit and kill it. Damn you Yonce! Must you reign supreme always??!! Sigh....but I tell you, the Jennifers have shut it down forever on "And I am telling You". No one can ever sing that song again...ever. They have put it to rest, put the stamp on it, and it is obvious that unless you can make all those facial contortions and look like you are having an epileptic seziure while you are singing like Jennifer Holliday, just don't do it boo. (see for urself) As for Yonce, first of all she looked hot. Then she had HOT BOY from the video (heeeeyyyy hot boy!!!) come out and dance with her. Now why she had bootleg ass Michelle and need-a-job Solange come out, I don't know. I mean I guess the idea was to do the video and they were in the video, but I could have done without them in the video too. So the Unecessary Accessorie Award goes to Yonce for including people just for the sake of inclusion. And who saw Solange almost bust her ass off the stage? I can say that at least Solange tries to work it. I'm still upset that they let her jump up out of that thing at the end for the final bump like this dance. I didn't like it. She is not the unofficial fourth member. She is the little sister. Can we let her play her role please? And Michelle...oh Michelle. Why must you always look like you don't belong? You stand out only because everyone can tell that you don't measure up. Boo Boo, just stop it. The A for Effort Award: Kelly Rowland. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. First let's thank Yonce for allowing you the time to shine. I mean she even thanked you (and the other two) for performing with her. Cuz I mean clearly, the only way you would have been allowed to perform is if you performed with her. Anyhoo...I'm guessing this performance also squashes any rumors of you leaving Matthew. But watevs....more importantly, you looked fabulous!!! You looked like Wonder Woman but with poom poom shorts on. Loved it! As for your actual singing, you tried real hard and I can respect that. I know you told us you were gonna bump like this, and I believed you. However, boo, I couldn't really hear you. I actually sang the song for you according to those at the viewing party. I tried to explain that Matthew and Yonce had your microphone set on low on purpose so that you wouldn't outshine her but even I knew I was reaching. I love that you tried to sing live and dance and do it all but like I've said before, you aren't the brick house nor do you have the power house vocals so let us leave that for those who have all that. You need to sing ballads for the live performances and if you are going to pop and lock to songs, it is okay if you lip synch because we already know your range and capabilities. But you followed Yonce and gave it your best and I'm not mad at your for that. (Side note, Kelly, I know it was a C-O-N spiracy and Yonce and her Daddy set you up....but you didn't hear that from me) My Favorite Outfit Award: Eve's ensemble during her performance with Kelly was HOT. It was my favorite of the night. And she actually enhanced Kelly's performance....so one time for Eve. Now her hair and outfit on the red carpet was a whole notha situation but for all that is fashion, check out my girl Elle! The Get Off Her Dick Award: Mo'Nique. Dammit Mo! How many times are you going to open the show with a Beyonce routine???!!!! You killed it with the Crazy in Love!! You cannnot and will not top that so just stop it! And then of all songs you do Deja Vu! And you didn't even know the words! If you had to do Beyonce why couldn't you do like Upgrade U or something. You could have had one of the Fat Boys come out and do Jay-Z's part. Can we be more creative next time? Can we let Beyonce rest for just a minute? Can you pretend you listen to other music. I mean, could you not have broken it down to Umbrella, Ella, Ella, Eh, Eh? And then telling Yonce she is the Queen just put it over the top. I mean if you could manage to fit up her ass, I think I would find you in there suckin on a rib bone. Let's move on Mo, k boo? The BOO Award goes to several folks. Number one being Ne-Yo. You have proved time and time again that you are the wackest when it comes to performing. You write great songs and yes you can sing, but you are boring as all hell and I don't believe you. The second award goes, surprisingly, to my 2nd favorite white boy (1st is JT) Robin Thicke. I still listen to Robin's album like I just got it the other day. I cannot take it out of my rotation. I love him. I love his voice and I think he is incredibly talented. I was loving Robin even when he was all greasy looking with his long hair and riding his bike as the messenger in the video for When I Get You Alone. So imagine my dismay when I'm talking thru his performance because 1. he sounded like Mickey Mouse and B., he was boring as hell and F., I can't hear that damn song anymore! He has like 80 songs on his CD, can we move on people puh-lease?! And the final Boo Award goes to 50 cent....HAHAHA, did Fitty have a Ashlee Simpson moment? We played it back and still can't tell what happened. All I know is, he was taking off his jacket while he was supposed to be rapping and then he had the mic so close to his mouth you couldn't tell if he was rapping or not, and then the music was just playing and he wasn't do anything but walking in the audience hi-fivin people. Ummmmmmmm.....Fitty, what's that all about boo? Did you forget the words or do rappers really lip synch too? And then if we even forget all that, your set was the wackest and the Cirque Du Soleil routine has been done.....it is time to let that go. But you did mention your Vitamin Water so you reminded us all that no matter how corny you are, you are rich bitch. We get it. Thanks. The Fun Times Award goes to Ciara and Diddy & Keyshia Cole. Both performances had me dancing and ejoying myself. Diddy and his march (his version of the break it down two step) always gets me amped. If Diddy is nothing else, he is an entertainer and I enjoy him. Keyshia cole looked cute and she tears it up most always. Could have done without Lil Kim tho. Her verse is corny and she didn't even look hot. Like if you are going to make a surprise appearance Kim, surprise us. I would have even been happy with a outfit with one boob covered with a pasty! As for Ciara, another one who tries to sing live while dancing her ass off. Just stop it. You know you can't sing while you stand still! But CiCi can dance her ass off and so you just forget the fact that she is even singing and you just watch her break it down one time and think, now that's how you get bitches bodied!! And I know CiCi went home last night and made Fitty feel better about his horrible performance....and I know she didn't even have to take her panties off, she just pulled them to the side.....hey, those are Fitty words, not mine. The Moment of Silence Award: TGT. Better known as Tank, Genuwine, and Tyreese. DAAAAYYYYYUUUUUMMMM! Oh the deliciousness!! I would like to accept this award on the behalf of all of them as they are all worn out after a foursome like no other....wait a minute hold on, they actin up right now.....Tank, put my panties down boo! Put them down. Tyrese, the Gatorade is in the fridge boo. Get your levels up. And G, I will brush your baby hairs later, k baby. Now let me get back to accepting this award. So, like I was saying I want to thank the creator of Tivo for allowing us to pause and just revel in lusciousness. I would also like to thank The Creator for making such ree-diculously fine menzes. It would have been nice if you made them all taller, but I know, I can't be choosy and stuff so just thanks and now I have to go and handle my business. The Unemployment Award goes to whoever wrote Debra Lee's speech. Did you have her reading the word "crisises" off the teleprompter? When Debra watches the tape back and sees that you had her speaking like her name is Jim Jones, you are so fired! The Move Out of My Peripheral Vision Award goes to Chudney Ross. While I was trying to appreciate Diana Ross, who is so fierce and fabulous, I kept getting distracted because her fugly ass daughter Chudney was all up in the upper side of the TV. Why must she be so damn fug?! And damn you Diana for naming her Chudney! It is like you were just asking for her to be fug. And that Evan Ross looks even worse looking like the ghost of Christmas Never Was. Just Ugh. Well that concludes this edition of The Gist. I was entertained and more than anything, I was happy that there really wasn't any of the Coonin and Bufoonery that BET is sadly becoming known for. Props to T.I. for mannin' up and apologizing for the foolery you displayed before and after you got beat up. Anyway, fun times. So until next time.....