Just Cuz I Watched The 2011 BET Awards...

Hey there, hi there. My last post was more than a year ago, so I'm not really expecting anyone to read this. If you are reading this, by some random Google type miracle, I decided to just blog a lil sumtin right quick just because the 2011 BET Awards just ended and the only thing I actually thought to do was blog about it. This is not a rundown like I would have done in the past - does the one of you that is possibly reading this remember "The Gist"? Well anyway, no this is not a post with accurate details of the entire show, instead, just a few thoughts about a few things that stood out for me. 1. Kevin Hart was actually a pretty decent host. Even a lil funny - I more than appreciated the "Ne-Yo never mind, I saw your head, keep your hat on" statement. The House Husbands of Hollywood segments were a welcome comedic addition to the show but I can ALWAYS do without Nick Cannon. Always. And funny enough, my favorite Basketball Wife, Tami Roman was the best part of it all. Good work outta you Tami! Anyway, here's my thing about Kevin Hart. He's a smidget. Yes, he's a small midget and I find smidgets very hard to take seriously. He was the same size as those lil boys he was steppin wit at the beginning of the show. I can't with smidgets. 2. Mary J. Blige was a fantastic show opener. Lookin good too, Mary! And of course, I especially loved the Anita Baker "Caught Up in the Rapture" duet. I was jammin. I wanted Anita to have on some earrings tho. 3. I was looking forward to Chris Brown's performance. Despite Chris Brown, I'm still a fan. But um, why did Busta Rhymes make Chris Brown irrelevant in his own shit? And what da fluff was he wearin? Those were like Hammer pants with thigh pads...for no reason. Did anyone see any reason for his pants to be so autismical? 4. Seriously, Willow and Jaden Smith tie for the Young People award??!! Ummmm, Willow asked people to whip their hair in one song. DA fluff else has she done? Jaden at least got two movies under his belt but com'on son. KeKe Palmer been runnin the pretty lil black gurl game for years. Not to mention, she was killin' em tonite...gurl is gorgeous...she looked stunning. But um er uh, these Smith kids just came out da damn womb and they've clearly had a good year, but not good enough to be beatin youngins who been at this SUCCESSFULLY for a minute. Not sayin they aren't talented but um, no. If the award is, everybody knows our name right now cuz I was the Karate Kid, I made ya'll Whip Your Hair, my mother's show just started back up on TNT and my father is filming MIB right now, then they win that shiz hands down. 5. Why do boys still wear pants hangin off their asses? And seriously, why are the boys/"men" who still rock this style lil tiny smidgets that prolly wear clothes out of the children's section and the jeans are SKINNY??? Ugh. 6. How come I didn't know half the people nominated or in the audience. I honestly don't think it is cuz I'm gettin old. I mean it may be, but I really think it is cuz music fuckin sucks as do the people providing the bull shit. 7. It's bad enough Justin fuckin Bieber is at the BET Awards for no reason but of all the awards he can present, Best Male Hip Hop Artist. Sigh...anything to get white people watchin, huh BET? 8. How come nobody told Debra Lee that her dress looked like hot shit. It was poorly made and was ill-fitting. And it was just ugly. Maybe Debra may want to take Kevin's advice and include a "No-Man" in her crew. Really, it shouldn't have taken nothing but a look in the mirror but...yeah. No. And no. 9. Mkay. So "Motivation" is on my serious rotation right now and has been for months. So as you can imagine, I was more than excited to know that Kelly Rowland was performing. BET never really mentioned her in the commercials prior to the show or even when they would announce who was coming when they cut to commercials during the show (how many times did you hear them say stay tuned for Justin fuckin Bieber?). So I was thinking that maybe she was closing the show or doing some kind of special surprise performance. Seems she was the after Trey Songz performer...hmmmmmmmm. Now I love the remix with him on it BUT I feel like he should have been HER after performer. This time should be Kelly's time. When was the last time Kelly - as a single artist - done had any kind of love in America, let alone a number one song that people are still excited about?! Uh, I'm thinkin never. So I was all too pumped to think that Kelly was bout to come out and SMASH this shit and have people excited about Motivation all over again and ready to buy her album when it comes out. But of course, that is not what happens - at least not in my unsolicited opinion. Kelly comes out wearing a big ass hat and a stupid suit. She has the sexiest song in the world right now and this bitch is wearing a big ass hat and a suit. The hat totally hid her face, which is her best fuckin asset, and wasn't nothing sexy or cute about that pants suit situation. No and fuckin no, Kelly. I hate to say it, but if Beyonce was coming out singing that song, she would have been in the most sexiest outfit - still keepin it elegant and classy - and she would have sexed up that whole stage with a full on motivation situation. Kelly doesn't get too many opportunities to shine and it just pissed me off that she didn't take full advantage. She did sound great and she gets a B+ for effort, she just didn't smash it and she should have. Then when she tries to get sexy at the end with Trey, rippin her shirt off, it was too late and it was done awkwardly. Not happy. I'm rootin for you Kelly Row but you just proved why some people will always remain the bootleg version. 211626215621 by yardie4lifever2 Trey make skinny bird chest sexy. That is for sure. And he actually sounds good too. Positives where you can find them. 10. The Patti LaBelle tribute may have been my favorite of the night. Patti is one of my favorite all time singers ever so I was just excited for the tribute...but I was worried cuz it's not too many people that can sang one note that Patti can. Cee-Lo Green as Patti LaBelle...HILARIOUS (and he sounded good too). LOVED IT! Marsha Ambrosius' voice is awesome. Always been a fan - her album is grrrreat. She did an excellent job. Shirley Caesar looked like Glenda the Good Witch and sang.her.ass.off. Patti is more than deserving of her Lifetime Achievement Award. SANG PATTI! patti211626221634 by yardie4lifever2 11. Ummmmmm, BET. Really? Seriously? Ya'll don't know who the winners of the awards are? How could there be such a major confusion between Chris Brown, Rihanna and Drake? Then you literally have the wrong dude accepting the award like he really won it? WOMP WOMP. That is, how would you say....ghetto. Total jackasses. WHY BET?! 211626225543 by yardie4lifever2 The girl chosen to present the award tweeted: The tablet fuckin said CHRIS BROWN….the TELEPROMPTER said Rihanna. What the FUCK?????? Goin home. I wouldn't go home. I would make sure they give me er'thing in the celeb gift bags and a few bottles to ease the embarrassment caused by their triflin asses. Then I would make sure they got me into all the after party parties and I would tell anybody who would listen what major fuck ups work at BET. At least you got yourself 2 minutes of fame and who knows, maybe BET will give you a job...I mean, you've shown you know how to read - whether it is on the tablet or the teleprompter - and that seems to be the minimum criteria. Anyhoo, congrats to Chris Brown for being the real winner and for winning er'other award he won. 12. Queen Latifah looked great! Like she really looks good! I believe that was worth mentioning. 13. I'm excited for the new show with Traci Ellis Ross and Malcolm Jamal Warner. A happily married couple, doctors, with three cute kids. I could use some Cosby-like TV on my TV. 14. Oh and um, Beyonce. Is there really even anything to say about her? She's the epitome of "ain't no sense in doing this shit if I'm not gonna smash it, shut it down, murder it and look daaayum good while I do it." SHE'S A BEAST!!!! Even if you don't like her songs, her stage situation has you singin along, wavin your hands from left to right, and staring at her , mouth open, all caught up like she isn't real. Bitch does run the world and with good reason. It's almost not fair. But it's not her fault she's as good as it gets and as good as its been for the last however many years (see #9. Er'body else are bootleg versions). There's more I can say but that's enough. If ever my mood is fittin' and I'm compelled to say what I mean and mean what I say, I'll say it again. And what? Be well bitches.

The Gist: BET AWARDS 2009

I was soooooo ready to be give The Gist and talk about the amazingness that was the BET Awards. Yeah ummmmmm, not so much. I completely understand that BET only had three days to re-vamp the BET Awards so that they could pay tribute to Michael Jackson because there was no way that the show could have gone on without a serious MJ tribute....HOWEVER, something tells me that if Michael were still alive and the show went on as normal, he would think that show was a boring ass hot mess just as I did. The best part of the show was Jamie Foxx. His hosting and his Michael Jackson tributes were all highlights. I love how all the media is making sure to include one specific line in their editorials and recaps and that is when Jamie said: "He belongs to us and we shared him with everybody else. ... It didn't make a difference what he looked like. It matters what he sounded like." You know there a certain people who don't want to hear that. But people do need to know that no matter what, he is ours forever and always. The most important moment was when Janet came out to let us all know how she and her family are feeling. Ultimately, Janet's moment was the show. I could talk about how Tiny really is the fugliest smidget in the world who can't speak English. But how many times can I say that? I could recommend that Ne-Yo keeps a hat on...I understand that er'now and then you wanna switch it up, but let's stick with what works boo. I could also talk about how boring Yonce's Ava Maria performance was or why her tribute to Michael Jackson was being all shy and acting like she never won an award before. Ciara singin "Heal the World" hmmmmmmmmm...my Audrina eyes were on full blast. Maybe Keyshia Cole shouldn't duet with people who can out sing her on ridiculous levels. (Props to Monica for sangin as per always.) Should Lil Wayne's daughter and other lil girls be on stage while he and his crew are performing songs about how many girls they wanna screw? Especially when he 'allegedly' has babies coming at the same time from two 'girls' he likes...I dunno. I could talk about such things, but I won't. I will say that New Edition's "Stop the Love You Save" performance was really good, I enjoyed Tyrese, Trey Songz, and Johnny Gills tribute to The O'Jays (all three of them looked great and sounded even better), Maxwell was luscious and fantastic as I knew he would be, I am very pleased Jay-Z got a hair cut, and I loved the Humanitarian tribute to Alicia Keys and Wyclef. I will also point out that Alicia looked amazing - gorgeous. That about sums it up. Joe Jackson was in the audience and on the red carpet he said he wished we had done this for Michael while he was still here. He's bigger now than he ever was. I think I understand where he's coming from....somewhere along the line we all kind of let Michael go and do his thing where ever he was doing it. However, I think while Michael was alive and doing what he did best - entertaining us all - we showed him how much we loved him. I take comfort knowing that no matter how or why he had to leave us, in his heart he knew that he was our King, that it all started with him, and that there was no one before him, there will be no one after him and he is LOVE.

The Gist: BET Awards 2008

* Disclaimer: I couldn't find pics of er'body that I talk about and I ramble a bit because this show had me zonin out. So hopefully you saw, you understand, and well, you get the gist. Sometimes when you are really looking forward to something, you are beyond pleasantly surprised and things are better than you could have ever imagined. Other times, you are disappointed and left feelin like you could have had some Coldstone and watched the new show, Wipe Out. In case you can't tell, I felt the latter. The BET 2008 awards get a big boo and boo from me. While, there were some great moments, no one was absolutely beyond amazing (I won't even name people from past shows that already set the bar cuz ya'll already know) and I feel like most people were either good, mediocre, or just why? And this includes performers and presenters. So instead of giving out awards this year, I'm just giving grades. Here's The Gist. Usher kicked off the show with a lil 'Love in Da Club'. Overall, I enjoyed his performance. I thought the choreography was good but we've seen the moving floor thing before and truth be told, the whole time I was waiting for Yonce to come out. Actually....I was really hoping Monique would come out and do a routine to Freak 'Em Dress, but anyhoo....I guess there really isn't much else that Usher could have done to top his past performances (actually there is, but maybe next time?). I was more into my Cheez Its. Ursher: B+ Then D.L. Hughley starts talking. Why? He is so not funny. Not at all and throughout the show I questioned whether or not he and Weezy sipped on some cocktails together prior to the show. I mean, how else can you explain his not funny dyslexic ass? Why did he say "please remember and put your hands together for Young Jeezy?" Where did he go? Why wouldn't we remember him? Ugh...Moving on. I think I'm the only one who doesn't know the words to Young Jeezy's "Put On For My City" (and not just the I put on for my city part). Seems er'body in the audience knew all the words. Jeezy made it do wut it do and the crowd participation made it even better, but I think Kanye's appearance made it hot. Young Jeezy: A- So of course right before a commercial break, Neffie and Frankie (Keyshia Cole's mother and sister) make some kind of announcement and tell us to stay tuned for a performance from Keyshia. I have to say,I thought they both looked great....and when I say that, that is keeping in mind that it wasn't but a year ago Frankie didn't have not a tooth in her mouth and was wearing an orange jumpsuit and Neffie was a mess of gi-normous proportions. I won't even talk about how Frankie was tryna wipe down Pretty Ricky during the pre-show. But speaking of Keyshia.... She looked pretty enough...but um er uh, da hell was wrong with her mic and/or her singing?! Keyshia did not sound good at all. We know she can sing so, maybe there were some technical difficulties and they needed to turn her levels up? I don't know what the hell but I would have much rather her sing the "Sent From Heaven" song (and sound like how it sounds on my CD) than have her flip into the "Let It Go" song with the wack as choreography.....the guy standing there waiting for her not to hit that note to rip her dress off....like it was so so corny. Did somebody not get paid to make her performance a hot one?! And then all the dances in the 'Let It Go' song was like shit I do at the club. And then didn't we see this whole routine before? Well almost. Last year, Lil Kim lookin a hot Bratz Doll mess coming out from the side of the stage tryna stay relevant with her lil rap with Diddy and Keyshia when they performed "Last Night" at the BET 2007 awards. I actually enjoyed that performance and even gave it The Fun Times Award. Funny enough, this was exactly what I said about Lil Kim last year: "Could have done without Lil Kim tho. Her verse is corny and she didn't even look hot. Like if you are going to make a surprise appearance Kim, surprise us." And again, a whole year later it was the same shit. Same side of the stage, same hair, same everything. Did you notice that during the time Kim came out John Legend's girlfriend whispered in his ear something about how Lil Kim looks a hot mess and Keyshia should have spent more time in rehearsal. John just giggled. Keyshia Cole feat. Lil Kim: C- Can we just hold the presses real quick and talk about how these older women are puttin these youngins to shame. Nia Long looked AMAZING! But even more ridiculous....is that damn Morris Chestnut. Still just as scrumptious as he wants to be. I can spend time wipin that chocolate down. But for real, was Boyz In the Hood really 17 years ago?! Daaayum. Next up was Ne-Yo. Ne-Yo's not a dancer/entertainer/performer. He's a singer and a song writer. I must say that he did his thing with the choreography. I wasn't sure, but those guys with the masks on at the end, were those the Jabbawakies (or whatever their names are) who won the Americas Best Dance Crew? Doesn't matter. Point is, Ne-Yo's performance wasn't anything spectacular but I was pleased. Ne-Yo: A for effort. By the way....did anybody notice that er'time the camera showed Ney-Yo he was trying waaaay too hard to look like he was really happy to be there with his date? How u doin 101: When you are pressed to prove something, you usually waste your time and only confirm what everybody already knows. Ashanti and L.L. Cool J. present the award for Best New Artist. I liked Ashanti's old glamour look but her hair was a bit high or something....something didn't work for me. And really, L.L. why in the name of all that is your receding hair line (still yummy tho) are you putting out another album?! And Da Hell was Dream doin that he couldn't be there to accept his new artist award? Hopefully fixin his rooster lip and shaving. That was some bullshit by the way. Estelle should have won that but it is the BET awards so.... Alicia Keys performs and she sang "Teenage Love Affair". I thought she looked really cute with her wig on but she needed some earrings. She did a tribute to the best Girl Groups to ever do it. She started out singing "Weak" (one of my favorite songs ever) and I was like why does SWV look scared to walk down the stairs. En Vouge LOOKED FABULOUS! Some more hot grown ass women puttin these youngins to shame. And seriously, to this day there hasn't been a girl group that has touched En Vogue. T-Boz what were those pants? Chilli is gonna be 90 years old with baby hair. How cute was Niecy Nash?! Loved her hair and her dress! And she brought out the white kids with the ghetto names. Rayneshia. Funny. She was presenting an award for Best Male Hip-Hop Artist. Of course Kanye won and had Weezy come up on stage with him. I couldn't tell if Wayne was high but I'm sure he was. Anyway, loved that Kanye kept his speech real short and simple. You know he had to switch it up since er'body was expecting some long winded speech about how Weezy may have broke his first week sales record but he's still the best to ever do it and Ice T don't know what he talkin about, Soulja Boy is what hip-hop is all about. (In my mind, Soulja Boy is the equivalent to gum, so there is my opinion on that.) I'm just glad he didn't even go there. T-Pain looks like he belongs in a traveling circus, so that was the perfect theme for his performance...and since he believes 'this industry is his circus'. Rick Ross....to my girl GiGi who I had to rescue the other day...boo boo, supposedly Foxy is wipin' Rick Ross down as I'm sure many women do and he is clearly at 48 DD. I guess with all the rappers and such that came out this was a good one. T-Pain: F; Er'body else: B+ Sigh....Derek Luke. One of my favorite actors and sexual chocolates.....it hurts my heart to see him knowin we lost him to the milk. Yeah, that would be a white girl to whom he is married (they showed her tryna pretend she had some rhythm while Al Green was singing...did ya catch that...yes I'm hating and what? I got love for the milk. Trust me. I can still hate tho.). Anyway, he and Gabrielle Union looked like a chocolate oasis and I wanted to dip and dive in both of them. Beautiful. Um, I could have sworn I heard D.L. introduce Warren Sapp as a gospel great. I thought Warren Sapp played football. D.L. fuckin sucks. Anyway.....I'll try not to curse while I let the church say Amen! Marvin Sapp tore it up! I went to church for sure. Marvin Sapp: A+...and I'm not just sayin that cuz you can't give the church performance a bad grade and so that I can be forgiven for that incident the other day. God already knows what's good. OK. Chris Brown performs. Really, all I have to say is he let Ciara steal his whole show. AND the leg flip move they did at the end came straight from So You Think You Can Dance and not even from a live show. That was exactly the move that this chic (I actually think it was Rayven - the first girl to get kicked off) did with her dance partner in her audition and that is the exact move that got her her ticket to Vegas. Chris Brown is a cutie tho and I'm sure the lil girls loved the hearts in the rain or whatever da hell that was. Chris Brown: B; Ciara A+ The Next Generation (or whatever) came out to present an award. Cassie is friggin gorgeous....altho she can't read. Solange looked pretty too, I think. I didn't really like her hair but I think I liked her dress. I know they were telling people to register to vote, which is great, but all I could really pay attention to was the fact that Cassie and Solagne were both taller than the other boys on the stage with them. They presented the award for Best Collaboration and Kanye and T-Pain won for "Good Life". T-Pain is gross. Kanye went on to let er'body know he is one of the Kings in this game and his opinion counts....I mean, well since he won another award and T-Pain was doin his slow walk so that er'body can bask in his fugly horrendousness, it gave Kanye time to remind us all. I kinda love him. The Al Green tribute. Jill Scott, Anthony Hamilton and Maxwell did it up for Al. Jill was great as always. Anthony Hamilton minus his cheek naps. Loved it. He's actually not bad to look when he cleans up and dude can sang. Definitely needed to be in the tribute. Maxwell where da hell you been? And I saw a wedding ring. Did I miss something? He looks good....and I keeps the pumps on baby. Jill, Ant, Max: A After the singing, John Legend tells Al Green to come on up and accept his award. Did Al Green forget he was at the BET awards and was bout to thank the Academy but fixed it right quick and said of the BET Awards? Ain't no academy boo. Ain't nobody but Terrence and Rocsi counting votes. (Speaking of those two...I miss Free) Anyway....was Al's acceptance speech just a bit janky? He sang tho which was beautiful. I always ask why do people break up and turn around and make up, Al. Just Why? Black people love some Al Green. Al Green: No grade necessary. Da hell?! Lil Wayne wins an award. Mkay, so does someone want to tell me why they let Lil Wayne dress his kids in the dark after drinking a half gallon of that Sizz? Why they had on pink and white stripes and black and white polka dots? I'm just sayin. More importantly, did the whole three front rows have to get on stage to accept his award? At least he was coherent. Rihanna. She's just beautiful. Even better, she actually sounded good. Not really a fan of the "Take a Bow" song....ironically, as I thought about it, I think other than Umbrella eh, eh, the only other song of hers I liked was the S.O.S song. Oh wait, I do like the song she has out now with Maroon 5...but more so cuz both she and Adam Levine are so fuckin hot in that video. Anyway, Chris was singing along...and they showed him enough that he could have sang the damn song for her. We get it, they in love. Damn. Rihanna: B+ Congrats to Quincy on his humanitarian award. Nothing much to say here except that the man is a genius and a wonderful human being. Even more important, I think I'mma name my baby Delight. Mkay...so Ashanti comes out to introduce Nelly. Could have been real cute if she didn't come out holding the bottom of her dress. If you can't deal with a train, then have your stylist find you a short dress. And then, what the fluff was she and D.L. talkin bout?! First she said I got this...then she didn't say shit. So D.L. says, OK and then she says, we got this. And then something about she originally was taking this song but she got the good ish so she traded for something else. Yonce and Jay would have never done no bull shit like that and if they did it would have made sense and been way hotter. I hate bootlegs. But speaking of Nelly, I prefer him with a shirt - yeah his body is on point but I think he could have started out with a shirt. As for the performance....it was all good. Ciara again brought the fire and was extra cute. Fergie was aiight too. Nelly: B Lauren London and Diddy giving out an award. Lauren is adorable! As for that guy...Seriously, I love Puff. I do. As much as you want to hate him (kinda like you want to hate me) you can't because he's just fun. Did he really promote his Ciroc vodka on stage while giving out an award? Cheers bitches! Weezy F. closed the show and I was tired by this point -- tired of seeing T. Pain and tired of this long ass not as fabulous as previous shows show. And that was it folks. I was not impressed in the least. I did not enjoy myself. One big blah.... I just want to end with the following: If someone can explain to me why Keri Hilson (who is very cute) would wear that disco ball jumpsuit with a hot ass satin jacket and her hair in a mushroom, I might feel better about all of this. What am I missing? And Lil Mama is always a hot mess so this is no surprise but really, when does it end? A sports bra under a red Amish apron? Just WHY?! I'm done.

BET Awards....Cast Your Vote

I don't know about you guys, but I'm very much looking forward to the BET Awards which is airing live on June 24th. Somehow, the BET Awards have managed to be one of the most entertaining awards shows of all the music awards shows -- including the grammys. For those of you who are new to YISIAW, F.U. gives what we call, The Gist and gives a serious rundown on all the award shows (that I care to watch) from A to Z. And with Usher (supposedly with a surprise performance with Yonce of the Love in Da Club Remix), Weezy, Rhianna, Alicia Keys and others....I can't wait to get my gist on. In the meantime, you can VOTE for your favorites in the BET Pre-Awards categories, such as your favorite Gossip Blog! I'm not nominated yet, as I have a long way to go, but I have much respect for all those who are (and thanks to all my new friends, frenemies, and people who love to hate me and hate to love me -- I'll be there soon enough). To vote, should you feel moved to, go HERE.

The Gist: 2007 BET Awards

I must say that BET has managed to get one thing right...and that is the award show. I wouldn't say the show gets better each year, but I can say that I am always entertained and last night was no exception. Overall, the best part of the entire show was that I can't even remember who won awards because it seemed like there was a lot less talking and more performing. I could also appreciate the folks at home getting their shine by creating videos to announce the nominees. Short, simple, cute and funny. Now....while the show was great and everything there, of course, were some moments that we could have all done without. Let's get to it. Show Stopper Award: I have to give this award to both of the Jennifer's and Beyonce. Dammit. Just when I was on my feet damn near catching the holy ghost watching Jennifer Hudson and Jennifer Holliday sing "And I Am Telling You", Beyonce had to come wit it in her C-3PO Star Wars outfit and kill it. Damn you Yonce! Must you reign supreme always??!! Sigh....but I tell you, the Jennifers have shut it down forever on "And I am telling You". No one can ever sing that song again...ever. They have put it to rest, put the stamp on it, and it is obvious that unless you can make all those facial contortions and look like you are having an epileptic seziure while you are singing like Jennifer Holliday, just don't do it boo. (see for urself) As for Yonce, first of all she looked hot. Then she had HOT BOY from the video (heeeeyyyy hot boy!!!) come out and dance with her. Now why she had bootleg ass Michelle and need-a-job Solange come out, I don't know. I mean I guess the idea was to do the video and they were in the video, but I could have done without them in the video too. So the Unecessary Accessorie Award goes to Yonce for including people just for the sake of inclusion. And who saw Solange almost bust her ass off the stage? I can say that at least Solange tries to work it. I'm still upset that they let her jump up out of that thing at the end for the final bump like this dance. I didn't like it. She is not the unofficial fourth member. She is the little sister. Can we let her play her role please? And Michelle...oh Michelle. Why must you always look like you don't belong? You stand out only because everyone can tell that you don't measure up. Boo Boo, just stop it. The A for Effort Award: Kelly Rowland. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. First let's thank Yonce for allowing you the time to shine. I mean she even thanked you (and the other two) for performing with her. Cuz I mean clearly, the only way you would have been allowed to perform is if you performed with her. Anyhoo...I'm guessing this performance also squashes any rumors of you leaving Matthew. But watevs....more importantly, you looked fabulous!!! You looked like Wonder Woman but with poom poom shorts on. Loved it! As for your actual singing, you tried real hard and I can respect that. I know you told us you were gonna bump like this, and I believed you. However, boo, I couldn't really hear you. I actually sang the song for you according to those at the viewing party. I tried to explain that Matthew and Yonce had your microphone set on low on purpose so that you wouldn't outshine her but even I knew I was reaching. I love that you tried to sing live and dance and do it all but like I've said before, you aren't the brick house nor do you have the power house vocals so let us leave that for those who have all that. You need to sing ballads for the live performances and if you are going to pop and lock to songs, it is okay if you lip synch because we already know your range and capabilities. But you followed Yonce and gave it your best and I'm not mad at your for that. (Side note, Kelly, I know it was a C-O-N spiracy and Yonce and her Daddy set you up....but you didn't hear that from me) My Favorite Outfit Award: Eve's ensemble during her performance with Kelly was HOT. It was my favorite of the night. And she actually enhanced Kelly's performance....so one time for Eve. Now her hair and outfit on the red carpet was a whole notha situation but for all that is fashion, check out my girl Elle! The Get Off Her Dick Award: Mo'Nique. Dammit Mo! How many times are you going to open the show with a Beyonce routine???!!!! You killed it with the Crazy in Love!! You cannnot and will not top that so just stop it! And then of all songs you do Deja Vu! And you didn't even know the words! If you had to do Beyonce why couldn't you do like Upgrade U or something. You could have had one of the Fat Boys come out and do Jay-Z's part. Can we be more creative next time? Can we let Beyonce rest for just a minute? Can you pretend you listen to other music. I mean, could you not have broken it down to Umbrella, Ella, Ella, Eh, Eh? And then telling Yonce she is the Queen just put it over the top. I mean if you could manage to fit up her ass, I think I would find you in there suckin on a rib bone. Let's move on Mo, k boo? The BOO Award goes to several folks. Number one being Ne-Yo. You have proved time and time again that you are the wackest when it comes to performing. You write great songs and yes you can sing, but you are boring as all hell and I don't believe you. The second award goes, surprisingly, to my 2nd favorite white boy (1st is JT) Robin Thicke. I still listen to Robin's album like I just got it the other day. I cannot take it out of my rotation. I love him. I love his voice and I think he is incredibly talented. I was loving Robin even when he was all greasy looking with his long hair and riding his bike as the messenger in the video for When I Get You Alone. So imagine my dismay when I'm talking thru his performance because 1. he sounded like Mickey Mouse and B., he was boring as hell and F., I can't hear that damn song anymore! He has like 80 songs on his CD, can we move on people puh-lease?! And the final Boo Award goes to 50 cent....HAHAHA, did Fitty have a Ashlee Simpson moment? We played it back and still can't tell what happened. All I know is, he was taking off his jacket while he was supposed to be rapping and then he had the mic so close to his mouth you couldn't tell if he was rapping or not, and then the music was just playing and he wasn't do anything but walking in the audience hi-fivin people. Ummmmmmmm.....Fitty, what's that all about boo? Did you forget the words or do rappers really lip synch too? And then if we even forget all that, your set was the wackest and the Cirque Du Soleil routine has been done.....it is time to let that go. But you did mention your Vitamin Water so you reminded us all that no matter how corny you are, you are rich bitch. We get it. Thanks. The Fun Times Award goes to Ciara and Diddy & Keyshia Cole. Both performances had me dancing and ejoying myself. Diddy and his march (his version of the break it down two step) always gets me amped. If Diddy is nothing else, he is an entertainer and I enjoy him. Keyshia cole looked cute and she tears it up most always. Could have done without Lil Kim tho. Her verse is corny and she didn't even look hot. Like if you are going to make a surprise appearance Kim, surprise us. I would have even been happy with a outfit with one boob covered with a pasty! As for Ciara, another one who tries to sing live while dancing her ass off. Just stop it. You know you can't sing while you stand still! But CiCi can dance her ass off and so you just forget the fact that she is even singing and you just watch her break it down one time and think, now that's how you get bitches bodied!! And I know CiCi went home last night and made Fitty feel better about his horrible performance....and I know she didn't even have to take her panties off, she just pulled them to the side.....hey, those are Fitty words, not mine. The Moment of Silence Award: TGT. Better known as Tank, Genuwine, and Tyreese. DAAAAYYYYYUUUUUMMMM! Oh the deliciousness!! I would like to accept this award on the behalf of all of them as they are all worn out after a foursome like no other....wait a minute hold on, they actin up right now.....Tank, put my panties down boo! Put them down. Tyrese, the Gatorade is in the fridge boo. Get your levels up. And G, I will brush your baby hairs later, k baby. Now let me get back to accepting this award. So, like I was saying I want to thank the creator of Tivo for allowing us to pause and just revel in lusciousness. I would also like to thank The Creator for making such ree-diculously fine menzes. It would have been nice if you made them all taller, but I know, I can't be choosy and stuff so just thanks and now I have to go and handle my business. The Unemployment Award goes to whoever wrote Debra Lee's speech. Did you have her reading the word "crisises" off the teleprompter? When Debra watches the tape back and sees that you had her speaking like her name is Jim Jones, you are so fired! The Move Out of My Peripheral Vision Award goes to Chudney Ross. While I was trying to appreciate Diana Ross, who is so fierce and fabulous, I kept getting distracted because her fugly ass daughter Chudney was all up in the upper side of the TV. Why must she be so damn fug?! And damn you Diana for naming her Chudney! It is like you were just asking for her to be fug. And that Evan Ross looks even worse looking like the ghost of Christmas Never Was. Just Ugh. Well that concludes this edition of The Gist. I was entertained and more than anything, I was happy that there really wasn't any of the Coonin and Bufoonery that BET is sadly becoming known for. Props to T.I. for mannin' up and apologizing for the foolery you displayed before and after you got beat up. Anyway, fun times. So until next time.....