OK, it's been a minute since I've had to rescue somebody. The last chic who asked me for advice almost got rescued but then I thought about it. I was annoyed at her question, her self-inflicted situation and realized that I would prolly waste 5 paragraphs of my life setting her straight and/or cussin that silly bitch out. Some people can't be helped, don't want to be helped, and already know they are assholes but want some sort of validation that it is OK for them to be assholes. And at the time I got her email, I just wasn't in the mood for the bullshit. Not to mention, F.U. is not a doctor, and while I absolutely love telling people what I think they should do, some people have real issues and should seek real help. I did tell her real quickly to get a life, tho.
Anyway....so I did get an email requesting my advice from a nice young lady who seems to be genuinely torn and not really sure what to do. So, let's get to it.
Hey F.U.,
Please don't be 'stank' with me. I absolutely don't dish attitude because I can't take it. I wanted to ask you what you think about this current predicament I'm in. OK, there is this guy that I used to work with. While at work, we were very friendly. He is an extremely nice guy. Literally that guy that will give you the shirt of his back if you needed it or the guy you could call at 2 in the morning to come get you because you are stranded somewhere. Anyway, he left the company and we talk even more now that we don't work together. I am really starting to have feelings for him. The only problem is that, and I feel so bad about this, is that he is fat. F.U. his breast are bigger than mine. He does have a cute face and I know if he lost the weight he would be so handsome. Since we became friends, I've tried to give subtle hints. Like I would bring in fruit and be like, I don't want this apple, do you want it? And he would take the apple and eat it but then right after that eat a snickers bar. Or I would say, I'm going for a walk at lunch, do you want to come. And most times he would say no, although I know he wanted to come just to spend the time with me. When I would get back he would say, I wanted to come with you but Mr. so and so gave me this project I had to work on. I knew it was all bull and it was just because he just wasn't about to do any exercise. And that is a big turn off.
Lately he has been more expressive to me about his feelings and I want to tell him that I would like to be with him but I feel so shallow because I also want to tell him that he needs to lose weight. I'm 30 years old and am tired of the dating scene and really feel like he could be someone I could marry. How do you suggest I go about doing this without hurting his feelings or having him feel like I don't really like him because I can't accept him for who he is?
Thank you,
GiGi
Dear GiGi,
I'm not going to be stank. I will, however, be very honest with you as per always. I personally am not dealin with nobody whose cup size is bigger than mine. It's just not happening. I don't care how nice you are. Everything for ME starts on physically level. HOWEVER, there are exceptions to this rule. Here is the thing. I was in a relationship, one that turned extremely serious, with someone who wasn't at all my ideal man physically. I mean, I didn't even really notice him until we had to do this project together. And while getting to know him, I saw that he was such a sweet, caring, and nice man. And for a long time it was great. I knew that he woke up everyday amazed and thanking God that he had managed to snag himself this hot piece who was way beyond anything he could have ever imagined for himself. And I, just knew that I would be loved unconditionally forever. Only problem was....later on, I realized that that wasn't enough for me and I didn't love him as much as I thought I did. I was in love with the idea of him. And truth be told, I knew I deserved better than him, I deserved the whole package, and I knew that I had settled. But I was young and dumb but very thankful for the experience.
So here is what I suggest. If you really, really, really like this man and not just the idea of this man then I would tell him how you feel. I would tell him what you like about him and what you don't. You can tell him that while it may seem like you are being shallow or even rude, his health and your need for physical attraction are very important to you. Ultimately, it will be up to him to decide that you are worth him eating cabbage soup everyday and getting his fat ass on a treadmill for 30 minutes a day. Something tells me that you are probably worth that effort. He has probably been waiting for just this kind of kick in the behind to finally do something about his weight. And what better reason?
You also have to be willing to work with him and know that his weight loss won't be something that happens over night. He may also have mental issues behind his eating, so you that is something that he may also need to work and need your support with. So if you decide that you are going to be with him, you have to be with him. This may mean bumpin titties. And who knows? You may even like it. With the fatties, I'm guessing its all about you riding and letting him hit that from back. Now that I think about it, other than the belly jelly on your back, it sounds like fun times to me!
So before you do anything, take some time to think about it. Keep talking to him. But always, always, be honest.
Let me know how things work out. And I swear, if you end up getting married and having kids and he loses a hundred pounds, I better get an invite to the wedding, I better get to cut the cord for the first kid, and I want a Christmas gift each year. I'm kidding!!!
F.U.
P.S. Here are some women who have fat ass husband's and just don't give a fluff!
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