Olympics: Whachu Need To Be Watchin

So ya'll already know F.U. wishes she could be swimmin in the Olympics and that if she weren't born a giant, she would also be a bad ass gymnast poppin and lockin and flippin to a floor routine while rockin a pony with pink baby clips all around her head. And the reason, since Dominique Dawes, there hasn't been a black Olympic gymnast is because black parents are not gonna starve and do whatever they can to stunt the growth of their children and have them endure injuries at the age of 10 that will never heal normally for some Olympic medal. They would rather just send them to medical school and call it a day. Anyway, since I'm not an Olympian, all I can do is watch and be amazed. For one thing, China know that only one girl on their whole team is of the legal age needed to be competing. The littlest one - she's a bad bitch too - look like she just came out da womb the other day. But they already done shut it down and won the gold so all we can do is move on. I hear all the time that black people don't swim - altho that makes no sense. I mean do you know how many Africans escaped off the slave ships and swam their asses to freedom? We CAN swim, the problem is, most of us don't grow up with pools around us to be swimmin. And the pools they got in the hood - for some reason - don't neva have no water in it. And if it do, they damn sure don't keep it clean, so there is all kinds of black, brown, and green shit in the pool like they ain't neva even heard of something called chlorine. And then there is of course the issue of our hair. It's real easy for every other race to jump in some water and then get out and their hair dry and it looks just like it did before they got in the water. When (most) black people - women specifically - get in the pool when they get out shit ain't goin back to how it was before you got in. You gotta wash, condition, and blow dry the hair. Maybe braid it, press it, or do whatever da hell you must do to make it cute and manageable again. Hence why black women must prepare for a 'day' of swimming. Won't be no training and swimming er'day. Just not happening. But Cullen Jones done smashed it and we love him. One time for Cullen! Anyhoooo, since black people don't swim, we damn sure run like nobody's business. And no, it ain't just cuz we run from the cops and we get practice on a regular. It's cuz we are built to be fast, agile and fuckin amazin. And it is now time to move on to Track & Field. Oh its gettin seriuuuuus. Tyson Gay Asafa Powell Usain Bolt Tyson Gay, the sweetest guy ever, and ridiculously fast American is runnin for gold against two Jamaicans, Asafa Powell and Usain Bolt. Oh boy. I'm worried. Jamaicans can run their asses off. And then get to the finish line and be like take dat bumbaclot! These three are runnin the Mens 100M. This race is the definition of I am the fastest human being on earth. Here is the thing though, Tyson is currently the fastest man of all time. In his Olympic trial race, he ran the 100M 9.68 seconds. I watched this and sat mouth agape. I didn't have a chance to sit down good and put my Cheez Its in my mouth before he smashed it. He broke the world record altho there is an asterisk by his time due to the wind meter bullshit. It doesn't matter though, er'body who witnessed that had to bow down. Tyson is a fuckin cougar, jaguar, cheetah or whatever hell the fastest cat is. Tyson stays BEASTIN these track meets and I cannot wait to see how it goes down. Cuz truth be told, Usain and Asafa are not gonna just let Tyson win. Those two are serious - and um, Usain has beaten Tyson before....and his last name is BOLT! I got my Cheez Its and Strawberry Ritas slushie ready. This event happens on Saturday August 16th. Source UPDATE!!! Sigh...Tyson Gay didn't even qualify and Usain Bolt is simply out of control. He ran faster than any human AND he was so much faster than er'body else in his heat that he was able to slow down before he crossed the finish line to pump his chest...kinda like how Twitch and Joshua did on SYTYCD. I'm not mad at you Bolt. Go Jamaica!!

Method Man Said I'm Just As Fuckin Dumb As Wendy Williams

WOW. While on a show called 'Break Down' Method Man is asked about the condition of his wife. He is obviously not happy to be asked that question because people were not supposed to know that his wife had Cancer. The reason we do know is because of Wendy Williams. At first Meth tries to stay on simma but then he is like you know, I like to keep things like that private, but Wendy Williams put that shit out there. He goes on to say that people in his family didn't even know his wife was sick and Wendy has no idea what it is like to be going through chemo and losing your hair and having people stare at you. He proceeds to call Wendy all kinds of stupid bitches and fuckin idiots and he said that anyone who listens to her is just as fuckin dumb. Well....while I don't think Wendy needed to tell the world that Meth's wife was sick, (its her job and its what she does and has done for the last 20 something years) I do indeed listen to Wendy most er'day and well, I'll be that. Also...he says "I'm not gonna do it verbally. I'm not gonna come on your little show and bark on you. I'mma street nigga. You'll see me." Ummmm, is that a threat? Get in line Meth. You ain't the first or the last to want to beat Wendy's ass for talkin bout some shit she shouldn't be talkin bout. Good look Aaronella!

It's Official....Brandy Is Back

Just finished listening to Brandi's new single, Right Here (Departed) and I love it. Bran has such a familiar almost soothing sound and I love it. Her voice brings me back to when I actually wanted Brandy braids and could sit up in my room all day and listen to her album ova and ova again. Oh yes, I wanted to be down. I like the fact that she isn't tryna get too extra with her new music. Like she's just Brandy, she sounds great and I'm lovin it. With Brandy, Solo, Jazmine, and J-Hud's albums coming...am I the only one beyond excited for music right now?!

Brown Teefus Are A No-No

Mkay, er'body knows that Amy Wino is the crack head of all crack heads and she has all kind of diseases, ailments, and shit on her face. Fine. What I want to know is, why come Amy can't still brush her teef? Yes, I said teef. Teef aren't teeth. People with teeth actually take care of their teeth. They actually brush, floss, and maybe even swig some mouth wash er'now and then. When you have teefus, you choose to allow plaque to build up, you allow food and gunk to remain in the cracks, and not only does your mouf just look like your breath smells like rotten sewer cabbage - it actually does. Amy Wino's two front teef are now brown. I have a problem with that. I don't mind the crack...sniff it smoke it, lick it...do what you will Amy, however, the least you could do is choose not to walk around with brown teef. I would like to set up a dental intervention for Amy and those of you who think it is OK to walk around with dark yellow/brown teef. It is unacceptable and just not right. There is help out there for you. I've gone over this on my radio show, The F.U. Hour: Back & Ready To Zsugsh but I'm goin to re-zsugsh and remind us all that if you have gotten to the point where brushing alone no longer helps, save your duckets and invest in some whitening paste and/or kits. There are also some home and natural remedies you can try. Strawberries and Baking Soda: You need:1 ripe strawberry 1/2 teaspoon baking soda Directions: Crush the strawberry to a pulp, then mix with the baking soda until blended. Use a soft toothbrush to spread the mixture onto your teeth. Leave on for 5 minutes, then brush thoroughly with toothpaste to remove the berry–baking soda mix. Rinse. (A little floss will help get rid of any strawberry seeds.) Apply once a week. A yummy tasting toofus whitening. It gets no better and you have no excuse. This has been a Brown Teefus Are A No-No PSA By F.U. Wit Luh....kinda Source

I Think I've Said This More Than A Few Times....But Um, I Decided That I'm Really Lovin' Solange K.

She sounds great, she gives good show, and she didn't have the drunk man shot. She actually danced with him and let him be a fool and have a good time. How can you not love that? Not to mention....Solo, what was that in your cup??? I definitely want some of whatever it is you sippin on boo. Lovin u right now...and I can't believe it. Wasn't too long ago I was starin at you in the Solider video giving you the serious side eye and stank face. And now you're one of my faves. THANK YOU for not givin a fuck and deciding to let the world know who you really are. A real person who knows how to have fun, think outside the box and dare I say, show that you have a sense of damn humor. I love people who realize that er'thing just ain't that damn serious. Let the drunk man stay!!!!!!!!!

Did Lisa Raye Really Get Played To Da Lef For Rocsi?

I didn't really pay too much attention to the goings on and all the drama regarding Lisa Raye, her husband Michael Misick, and that chicken head Rocsi. I mean, while it was a bit ridiculous to see pics of Rocsi and Michael out in T&C and hearing that she was showing people around the Prime Minister's house with a bathrobe on like she live there, while Lisa Raye was letting Lil Kim lick cake off her fingers, I just kinda read about it and kept it movin. Then I heard that Lisa Raye called into the Tom Joyner morning show and said she was gonna give out Michale's number so er'body could call him and tell him what a loser he was for fuckin wit a wack ass ho...that would be Rocsi. But then I heard that Lisa was moving back in and they were gonna try and work things out. Guh-reat. (Hmmmmmm, guess I paid more attention that I thought.) But today I'm reading the Michael - not Lisa Raye - is filing for divorce. I just want to know why? I mean I totally understand that Lisa only married Michael because of the perks but I mean, then why even bother getting married? If marriages always fail - and yes while some survive let's just be realistic and even read some statistics - why even bother? Lisa could have been straight chillin up in Turks, getting er'thing she wanted and still fuckin Gary Patton on the side. Like it would have been all to the good. Now her whole shit is a huge womp womp and Diamond of Player's Club done got da boot for muthafluffin Rocsi on 106 and Park who plays with Terrence J and announces videos all day. I mean DAYUM. What does Lisa do now? What if Rocsi really obtains position as HBIC at Turks? Like what if we start seeing Rocsi on the commercals and billboards telling people to come experience Turks & Caicos. It's not right I tell ya...when your man leaves you for a bird of all birds where do you go from there? UPDATE: According to Miss P, they start fightin and bitin each other. Yes it seems Lisa Raye and Michael got into a physical altercation which requred that both needed to be treated for bite marks. Damn shame.

Jazmine Sullivan is Fearless

September 23rd. Cop It. Love It.

Fabulosity Of The Day: Jennifer Hudson

Before we even discuss how amazing J-Hud looks in her photo shoot, can we just give props to Derek Blanks? His photography is amazing! We all remember his alter ego celebrity photo shoot, which was awarded a YISIAW Fabulosity Of The Day post, and it seems that every time we see one of our girls looking fabulous in a photo shoot, D. Blanks was behind the camera. And let us just marvel in Jenny Hudsy's lovliness. She is giving great face, loving her hair, her styling and the special photography (or what we like to call photo shop). You betta work Jenny! Source

China Know They Ain't Right...

LOLOLOL, this prolly shouldn't be funny. But if you guys were watching the Olympic Opening Ceremony then you may remember the cute lil girl singing in the red dress. So how bout, baby girl in the red dress was lip synchin and the real lil girl that was singing is the one pictured above next to her. Turns out, they didn't think the real singing lil girl was cute enough to sing at the Olympics. A Chinese official said, "The main consideration was the national interest. The child on the screen should be flawless in image, in her internal feelings, and in her expression." Are you kidding me?! Since when do lil kids have to be flawless in image? Grown people aren't flawless in image. I mean come on now China. All ya'll had to do was get baby girl some fake teefus to handle that spacial/jagged edge/crooked situation she got goin and then just zsugsh a pony in the lil girls hair and put on a pretty dress. Nobody would have cared what she looked like while she was singin. But why am I still gigglin... Source

Daily Fug: Damn U Raven

Just what da fug? No, I am very serious. What da fug? JUST WHY? Is that a sleep mask? As part of the outfit? Pushing back that nappy two toned weave? With a feather corset tu-tu that don't even fit? In the name of Lil Mama, I can't today. I can't!