Why I Hate Gum....I Thought It Was Just Me and Oprah

Best Week Ever got a new blogger, Sara Schaefer, and I like her already. Why you say? (Side note...BWE, it might be nice to have a black blogger on staff...still love you tho.) I'm happy to have Sara because in her introduction of herself, I realized we had two things in common. You see, Sara had the opportunity to interview Amy Wino, prior to the crack hive and "before her ballet slippers got dirty." She loved Amy and thought they were going to be best friends. Only problem is, Sara hates "singing-racist crackheads" and she hates gum. And I swear to goodness, I too hate singing-racist crackheads but even more so, I HATE GUM! And I thought me and Oprah were the only people on earth who did (I still cringe knowing that she had to make Jamie Foxx spit out his green gum into her handkerchief that prolly cost thousands of dollars before he won his Oscar. Who chews gum at the Oscars?!!). (Another reason I know Lady O is going to make me her god-child.) Here is the thing, I am addicted to the show "Intervention" almost like the crackheads addicted to crack on the show. But since I watch Intervention so seriously, I know that Amy Wino really does have a diseases and her racist singing, her lip sores and infections, her crack hive and her dirty ballet slippers are all manifestations of a problem that she can't handle on her own. I know she needs help. As for the majority of the people in the world who chew gum, I have no idea what the hell your problem is. Like how could you chew something over and over in your mouth that serves no purpose?! Yes, I've heard that gum taste good, it makes your breath smell good, it's a stress reliever, and for smokers it helps to have your mouth engaged so that you aren't smoking. Yeah, I know all that but here is the thing, if you want something that taste good, chew some Skittles. If your breath stinks, pop a mint. Altoids. You want to relieve some stress, take up yoga or go for a walk. Not only will you lose weight but you can find the source of your stress and learn to deal with it. And I guess I would rather you smokers chew gum than smoke, but ewww. Gum is disgusting. Nothing good for you can possibly be something that is made of rubber and chewed consistently for long periods of time. Not to mention there is possible carcinogenicity of the vinyl acetate (acetic acid ethenyl ester) used by some manufacturers in their gum bases. There are so many reasons I hate gum, but the biggest thing for me is that I have to be involved in other people's gum chewing. Say what now? Yes, I have to be involved when you chew your gum. Why? Because there are people who don't know how to chew their gum with their mouths closed and smack and chew so that I not only hear you chewing your gum but I have to see that shit too. It's fucking irritating and it makes me want to vomit. And I'm dead serious. And how about those of you that will be at a restaurant or even in your own home or the home of others and will take your gum and put it on your plate. OMFG, how dare you?! I don't think it gets anymore vomit inducing. Why do you think people want to see that piece of shit that you've had in your mouth for however long while they are eating?! And why would you want that near your food?! Not to mention you are ruining a plate! And people do this even when there are napkins in which to dispose of the gum. UGH!!!!!!!! Then there are the people who just spit their gum out anywhere. The ground, under a desk, a chair, on the train just any ol' where....I mean it just doesn't get anymore repulsive. And then what about those of you who chew with your mouth closed....I appreciate you, but then I just have issues with seeing someone move their mouth over and over again for no reason. And then there are those of you that PLAY with your gum. I watched this grown man on the train, in a suit, reading the Wall Street Journal, take his gum out of his mouth, roll it in his fingers and then take small bites of the gum until all of it was back in his mouth and then lick his fingers and proceed to continue chewing that now even more rotten, infested, gross piece of gum. I had to move my seat. I almost want to move to Singapore where they have tried to confine gum and make it illegal to chew it and you'll be fined over $6,000 for possession or use of gum. I'm seriously considering it. I know all of you chew gum and it its prolly just me, Oprah and Sara who are repulsed. I just wanted to say big ups to Sara because it is so rare that someone feels me on this....and I can vent if I want to, dammit. I'm sure all of you are about to take out a piece of Orbitz and get to smackin just because...bitches. F.U. loves you too!