Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Teddy Riley Beat His Daughter With A Rock Band Guitar

As in the video game Rock Band. He took the guitar and beat the shit out of his 18 year old daughter. Why you ask? Seems Teddy, his daughters, and his new girlfriend were beefin....ON TWITTER. First of all, what grown ass man goes back and forth with his daughters on Twitter? I'll never understand why anybody does anything on Twitter, but WHY Teddy Riley, would you put your bizness with your children on blast on the bullshit that is Twitter???!!! I can understand the daughters going in on the girlfriend and telling her she's a gold digger and to stay in her land and play her position...I mean they are all like 18 and 20 years old (and yeah, Teddy's girlfriend is the same age or very close to the same age as his daughters) and this is what youngins do all day but damn you Teddy Riley. And maybe if his daughter was a son, I could see him beatin his ass like a man, but why would you beat your daughter down like she's some bitch off the street because of some new lil girl in your life???

But wait...Teddy and his daughters and girlfriend all fight on Twitter, somewhere in the middle of all of that, he leaves, goes and beats his daughter's ass, kicks both of them out of the house, and then gets back on Twitter to let everyone know what he did and not to bite that hand that feeds them. I am simply beyond shocked and Ru Pauled. I'm disgusted. My side eye, screw face, and unhinged jaw are all poppin off. I can't.

I think the Internet is the devil. No Diggity.

Should you want to see the entire Twitter reediculousness, Necole Bitchie has it all. Happy Holidays.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Just Asking...

How is that bow attached to that baby's head?

Seriously, Why Do We Even Have Relationships?

If it's simply for the sake of procreation, this world has been going to shit and only continues to sink to the depths of hell, so we can stop. The fighting and the cheating and the treating each other like hot pieces of shit is no longer necessary. How bout we just stop. It's OK. Really.

Chris Henry, Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver, is in beyond serious condition and fighting for his life after fighting with his fiancee and jumping on her pickup truck as she tried to drive away. He ended up falling out of the bed of her pickup truck. Ummmmm, seriously, why is it ever that serious? You got Tiger running away and smashing up fire hydrants and now you got Chris Henry jumping on the back of pick-up trucks. Just let a motherfluffer run people! If they are trying to escape and drive away, let them! Just Daauym.

Pray for Chris ya'll.


UPDATE: He died. 26 years old. Sad. Sigh....


Wednesday, December 16, 2009

So You Think You Can Dance: Holy Shizz

I'm speechless. Wow. America voted for the Black Krumper wit dreds. Leaps and Bounds didn't win. The leapin, spinnin, boundin, splittin Jakob didn't win. I have no words because this is the biggest shock of a win in the history of SYTYCD. Russell danced his ass off this entire season, he wasn't my favorite, but I'm happy for him. When I think about it, Russell had the most to learn of all the dancers and managed to excel at every style of dancing. Leaps and Bounds didn't kill a Hip-Hop like Russell managed to smash a Contemporary or Jazz or even a Fox Trot. Russell deserved this win. Yay Russell! I never even thought about Russell winning. Russell. Wow.


Ellenore should have been 3rd runner up but I'm happy she beat Ryan and Ashleigh and I can still watch SYTYCD.

When will someone put Jennifer Lopez back On the 6 and send her away forever never to return?

Mary J. Blige 2009 looked way better than her imitation thru the years Marys.

OH and I totally forgot to mention that Leona Lewis sounded horrible. That song is horrible. All of it...Horrible.


A frustrated teacher cut off a little girl's braid!

Seriously, she's in first grade! If you get that frustrated maybe you shouldn't be a teacher. If you don't know how to take a deep breath in and do 1,2,3, what the heck is bothering me and then breathe out and say 3,2,1, what is bothering me will be done, then you need to choose a new profession. Kids get on your nerves. It's what they do! Don't bring your personal problems in the classroom bitch! Cuz you know her frustration is just misplaced anger cuz she just found out her man is cheatin on her silly ass and she really wants to cut off the hair of her man's ho.

I'm actually happy the mom was able to stay calm because had that been my child, that teacher bitch wouldn't have a hair left on her head nor a toof in her mouth.

A mess.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

So You Think You Can Dance: This is it!

So I don't have time to actually re-cap er'body's routines and at this point, I don't think it matters. Everyone danced well but the best male dancer is Leaps and Bounds (aka Jakob) and the best female dancer is Ellenore. No matter what style of dance, no matter what choreographer gives them some bullshit, these two are deliberately amazingly amazing in the most technically entertaining, exciting, reediculously talented and fabulous way.

All that to say, Jakob is the best dancer of the whole bunch. He should be winner of So You Think You Can Dance.

But America fucks it up all the time anyway....

All I know is....if Ashleigh gets even close to winning, I vow to never watch SYTYCD ever again. Ever. never.again.

So I'll wait til tomorrow to be officially pissed.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

So You Think You Can Dance: I Can't! Da Wuh?! Ummmmm...

I think it might really be time for me to let go. America ruins it all the time. How in DA FLUCKIN HELL did Ashleigh make it into the finale, without even performing, over Ellenore who is the best female dancer in the whole group. HOW?! Yes she's a lil tardy and speaks in an alien voice, but she's hot and she can dance her ass off ANNNNNDDDDDD when she dances with Leaps and Bounds aka Jakob, she makes HIM better (if that is even possible!) instead of tryin her best to keep up and skippin around the stage while he leaps, spins and bounds around her. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEN, NO WAIT, THEN...just when it can't get any worse, some Korean pop singing group "The Wonder Girls" perform and they are the worst piece of shit performers EVER. No for real, for real, the worst.piece.of.shit.performers.ever. HOW IN DA FLUCKIN HELL does So You Think You Can Dance have a group of non-singing ass singers who are the most NON-DANCING ASS DANCERS on the show? What sense does that make. Seriously? I just need to know. The choreography was literally swaying side to side and finger shaking. I CAN'T!

I don't know if I can keep watchin this show. This show makes my stomach bubble. Sigh...

Anyhoo...I guess the good news is that Ellenore made it to the finale. So peace out Mollee. She shouldn't be sad. She's friends with the High School Musical people. She's gonna be in the circus. She'll be fine. And she needs to thank the deaf people that got her as far as she did. One time for the deaf vote.

The SAD news is that Ryan somehow made it to the finale and Legacy is GONE. I'm confused. This is so wrong. Scuse me while I go drink a bottle of Pepto.

Is This A SNL Skit?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

So You Think You Can Dance: Top 8 is Gre8!

So Ashleigh's shoulder popped out and couldn't dance tonight...yet, we're still supposed to call in and vote for her. Um, she spent the first few weeks as Leaps and Bounds' (aka Jakob's) prop. Unless somebody fucks up royally, hell and no.

So let's see, shall we?

Kathryn and Ryan

Kat and Ryan start the night off with a Disco. Ya'll already know that unless these two can top best of all time Brandon and Janette's Disco from last season, then I'm over it...and I'm over it. Next.

For their second routine they get a Cha-Cha. Nice song selection (Put ya hands on me by Joss me some Joss.) Anyway that was pretty great. Super energy, nice partnership, and they technically hit the Cha-Cha moves. I'm just not excited about them. I did love that final move where he was holding her upside down with the one leg and he held that position. That was hot.

But is Mary fuckin kiddin me. She put Ryan and Kathryn on the hot tamale train and not Legacy and Ellenore. Mary and her big ass teef need to go somewhere.

Mollee and Jakob

I thought this was an interesting pairing. Mollee and Jakob start with a Viennese Waltz and first let me just say that Vanessa Carlton's song "Ordinary Day" is still one of my faves so I literally sang and watched Mollee and Jakob create dancing fabulousness. That was so pretty. Great choreography but it's still Leaps and Bounds. He has this way of taking even the simplest steps and making them grand and then of course his leaps and his bounds...He's friggin amazing. And he made Mollee look like she could actually keep up with him. That spin at the end where he just holds her around the waist and she held on to his hips...that's dance people. Fantastic.

So now Jakob and Mollee do Broadway. You know Leaps and Bounds will tear some Broadway up...and he did. I didn't like the song selection(it was a remixed song from the Annie soundtrack) BUT I was entertained and just enjoy watchin Jakob spin, leap, kick, and just kill the stage. Mollee kept up. Good for her. But I love Jakob.

I think Adam Shankman has a crush on Leaps and Bounds, I mean yes, Jakob is indeed one of the best dancers ever on SYTYCD but Adam says it a bazillion times and with a giggle. I know Adam...

Ellenore and Legacy

Mkay. Ellenore and Legacy...this is exciting. But then we learn they are doing a Travis Wall Contemporary routine for their first piece. My mouth is agape. Where da hell do I friggin begin? Dare I whoooooooo like Mary. WHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW. OK, first of all, the concept: Legacy and Ellenore are married assassins who are in love but are tryna kill each other. Ellenore's costume was sexy as hell and she's fuckin hot. Legacy was the damn man. That head stand on the table when he lands on top of her and she slides up under him...YES!!! They hit their marks reeeediculously and they were so passionate, so sexy, so hot, so serious, so majorly sick. LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Legacy and Ellenore get a Nap and Tab Hip-Hop number for their second routine. OMG, did they not luck da fluff out tonite or what?! Well, not really. Not my favorite Nap and Tab routine. Legacy and Ellenore did what they were supposed to do but the concept of the choreography was about weird strange people or something and I think it made it a bit hard to focus on the actual dancing, not to mention that Legacy and Ellenore are better than that routine. So that makes me mad...especially since Nap and Tab are the usually the bestest with their concepts. Dammit.

Ashleigh and Russell

Why come Russell's partners always get hurt and he always ends up with a fat girl replacement? Anyway, their first routine was a Shane Sparks Hip Hop routine and Russ was workin it out as he always does. He was makin it do wut it do, tryna show us all that he don't care who is partner is, he was gonna smash it. He definitely gives 1,000%. Go Russ!

Russ and "Ashleigh" get Bollywood. Russell doin Bollywood....I don't need to see that again. With that said, Russ worked it out like he always does. He makes everything fun and exciting and he does it all with a smile on his face throughout the routine. Not to mention, technically he was amazingly on point. He has dancing personality for days. How can you not love Russ?!

So in my opinion, the married couple needs to go home. Ryan and Ashleigh, it's your time. I got it right last week...who knows if that will happeb again. All I do know is that Ellenore and Jakob are the best male and female and that's just that. Legacy and Russell should get votes too.

We'll see tomorrow!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Just For Giggles...

"But it is safe to continue to call for it." AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

I can't.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Tiger "Da Fuckin Idiot" Woods....Sigh

I totally didn't want to post anything about Tiger Woods. I'm not a fan of Tiger Woods, never have been and never will be. The moment he refused to acknowledge, with his Black as night father standing right next to him, that he was Black but that he was "Cablasian" I was done with somebody's Tiger Woods. Yes he has a Black father and an Asian mother and his Asian side should be acknowledged, but I know way too many mixed people who say I'm Black and White or Black and Asian. I mean our President will be the first to tell you he knows he is a Black man. This NEGRO refused and refuses to even utter the word Black to define himself. Ah hell, but this isn't even about race...or is it?

Side note every time I type Tiger I think of the Chris Rock movie that I didn't see where in all the promos he would slide out wit a golf outfit on and go 'Tiger, Tiger, Woods Ya'll!' Memba that?

Anyhoooo, when this bullshit about Tiger came out, I really didn't think it was as dramatic as everyone was making it out to be. I mean, he wasn't Balloon Boy or anything. Wasn't like he crashed the White House State Dinner. He just crashed into a fire hydrant. Who gives a shit? But then of course, the skanks he's been fuckin start hittin up the tabloids and now it all makes sense. But even still, I was telling my friend, that one bitch said she had text messages and voice mails and I was telling her that there is no way that Tiger is that stupid. He's an annoying jackass, but seriously, leaving detailed messages and texts? Come on now...there is no way. Even high school dudes know not to leave that kind of trail.

Oh but how wrong I was. You all know by now that Tiger is a dumb negro. AND all his bitches are fugly as hell. Like don't you supposed to step your game up? Shouldn't you be goin after what you don't have? ANYBODY CAN FUCK A FUGLY COCKTAIL WAITRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are Tiger damn Woods! You got a million dollars in your pocket as change. Seriously, dude, you can see tiny golf holes from miles away and know how to swing a friggin club to get the ball in that hole BUT you can't see a fugly bitch serving beer ain't gonna be nothin but trouble and totally not worth the nut???!! Come on, dude. Tiger needs more people...badly.

Anyhooo, I'm only posting this now because every radio station I listened to this morning was talking about this damn story because it's not like it's the NBA player who you would expect this from. Black man cheating on his Black wife from the hood. NO, this Tiger, Tiger, Woods who is 'Cablasian' who has a snow white wife, who plays the white man's game, and is seen as the perfect individual. How could he go and fuck this up? Or did he? Isn't he just another athlete who is superior in his sport but has no common sense or knowledge in how to go about cheating? All of Tiger's sponsors are supporting him. Gatorade, EA Sports, Nike, and Gillette all say they are gonna stand by their man. So I guess so. In our society money trumps morality. So I say, why are we even having this conversation? Is there a lesson to be learned here except dudes need to stop leavin evidence and hos need to keep makin sure they do. Nothing else will come of this. Nothing will change. Wives will continue to get cheated on with lowly fugly ass heffas. What else is new?

That last thing I'll say on the matter is...Big ups to Elin for gettin bout it, bustin windows, callin one of them hos at her work place, and scratchin up that dumb ass' face. Now we'll just wait and see if she sticks by him and plays The Good Wife role or if she figures out how to get half that billion.

Somebody get her on the phone with Juanita Jordan stat.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

So You Think You Can Dance: Bye Noelle and Nathan

Ummmmm, it's been a long time since I correctly picked the entire bottom. I wasn't sure about the girls, but I knew it would be Noelle or Kathryn and I damn sure knew that Ryan and Nathan would be in the bottom. Surprised that Ryan beat out Nathan, but then again, not really. I need to start puttin money on it, for real, for real!

Anyway, peace out Noelle and Nathan. Ya'll had some good moments but it was definitely your time.

And Noelle seriously, that cry.....really boo? Don't talk thru the tears ever again. I can't.

Why Come Free Can't Keep A Job?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

So You Think You Can Dance: Top 10

Tonight begins the random couples, we're finally voting for individuals, and the judges no longer decide who goes home! Let's get it!

Noelle and Ryan

Tab and Nap give these two a Hip Hop routine that had an office co-worker theme that was kinda sexy and entertaining but it wasn't the best way to start off the show. I think it was great choreography by Tab and Nap as per usual, and yeah Noelle and Ryan hit the marks and did all the moves with some power behind it, I still wasn't as into it as I could have or should have been. Neither one of them do Hip-Hop like it should be done.

Act two Noelle and Ryan get a Smooth Waltz and I was happy cuz finally Ryan gets a style of dance he is actually skilled in. I felt like I was watching a Disney cartoon with the prince and.....OMG did Nigel just take the friggin words right out of my head as I typed this shit?! Holy shiz. Anyway, it was nice and glad Ryan got to do his dance but I wasn't wowed and I think Ryan might could be goin home.

Ashleigh and Legacy

Ashleigh can no longer hide behind Leaps and Bounds and was partnered with Legacy and performed a Contemporary piece and I have to say Ashleigh tryna act like she has something to prove. That dance was angry and riveting and required serious technique...and they did it. Very exciting routine and seriously, the ending with Legacy straight up on his head was crazy. Hot.

Mkay. I did not like that at all. That shiz was a mess. For their second dance Ashleigh and Legacy get Hip-Hop and of course you automatically assume this is gonna be OFF THE CHAIN cuz it's Legacy and it's Hip-Hop. I can't even blame it on Ashleigh. This was totally the choreography and the crappy ass vampire costumes. WTF?!!! Womp Womp.

Kathryn and Nathan

Kathryn and Nathan start with a Broadway routine that was really good. It was very 50's and they were both in character and clearly found their stride. Great choreography and nice to see Nathan dancing with someone else who may have helped him bring out his style and real skill. Very nice.

This time Kat and Nate get a Rumba...and that was a sexy Rumba. I wish Nathan didn't look 12 years old because it looks like Kathryn is molesting a little boy, but even still, they worked that. Even more so, Kathryn was dancing her ass off and I felt that. Great choreography. I liked that.

Ellenore and Jakob

OMG I got real giddy when Cat announced that my two faves were partnered up! Ellenore and Leaps and Bounds (Jakob) do the Quick Step and these two are champions indeed. I think that was the best Quick Step ever on SYTYCD - and maybe I might be biased cuz I love them both so much. I really don't like this style of dance and have nothing to say about style or technique, I just know they look great and it was obvious they were workin it out. Yay! (Um Adam Shankman got excited about them being together like I did...get out my head Adam!)

OMG a Sonya Contemporary. Ellenore and Jakob. Need I friggin say more???!!! THAT WAS HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!! LOVEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE that these two can keep up with each other and make dance FANTASTICALLY AMAZING AND REE-DICULOUS!!! THESE TWO ARE SICK!!!!!!! And then not just the technique but the characters and the theme was all in the dance. It was so artsy and creative and just fuckin off the chain. I smiled the entire time I watched that. That was the best. Simply the best. I don't need to watch anymore. I'm done.

Mollee and Russell

Russ and Mollee start with a Lyrical Jazz routine and I'm just amazed at how doofy Mollee and Nathan made each other. The routine was a Mandy Moore, so of course it was spectacular (she's this seasons Mia Michaels) but seriously, Mollee danced the best she's ever danced on this damn show and Russell, he is friggin amazing. The technique and skill required to complete that dance was fantastic. Russell made Mollee better. I'm so excited for his future. That was beautiful. Loved it.

We end the show with Russ and Mollee doing a Jive and it was choreographed by Anya and Pasha. I was scared for them, especially after Ellenore and Jakob shut it down for everybody but that was a fun dance and VERY well executed! I shook my head and tapped a toe to that. I think I like these two as a couple. That was a great Jive. Enjoyed that uh-lot!

Wow people, great show! Gotta go vote. Ellenore and Leaps and Bounds aka Jakob!!!! Legacy is gettin my vote cuz his solo was the dopest.

I don't know what girl is danger, maybe Noelle or Kathryn (they are like one in the same so it won't really matter) but I know we'll be saying bye to Ryan or Nathan.

We'll see tomorrow!

Women Hold Up Half The Sky

Today on Oprah, her guests were Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn who are married co-authors of Half the Sky, a book that tells the stories of women all over the world in developing countries that suffer every minute - everything from being raped constantly, starved, electrocuted (literally by wires stuck in her) to not being allowed to work or go to school.

As we obsess over why Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant or how many sales we can hit up before Christmas, we should also just make sure we take time to see how we can help. It can start by simply watching these videos.

Women do indeed hold up half the sky....

To find out how you can help go to: Oprah, The Girl Effect, and Half the Sky

Today Is World AIDS Day

The hottttness that is Maxwell says Walk in AIDs patient's shoes....

Among the many blessings I've encountered in several years in the music business is the ability to use my voice to raise awareness for issues and to help others.

My greatest joy is in expressing compassion for others. It's so important to take time away from your own circumstances and try to walk in someone else's shoes or see the world through someone else's eyes.

As part of CNN's Heroes event last week, I got to see some of the most supreme examples of this from around the world. Tuesday is World AIDS Day, and I encourage all of us to put ourselves in the shoes of those battling this disease and especially consider some of the parts of our global community that are hardest hit.

Consider this: in many countries in Africa, AIDS is the leading cause of death. This is a preventable, treatable disease, but still of the 33 million people living with this disease globally, 22 million are in Africa, and it continues to kill 3,800 people a day on that continent. But the more important thing we should consider is that this is not hopeless. There is something that can be done, and there is a way to do it.

With two pills a day that cost as little as 40 cents, a person dying in Africa from complications from AIDS can be raised from near death and given a renewed chance at life. This transformation is called the Lazarus Effect.

These two antiretroviral (ARV) pills a day are more than just medicine. They are a person's chance to get up on their feet, go to school or go to work and contribute to their communities. This treatment helps people reach their full potential and allows communities and countries to create a future.

The issue now is how do we get this medicine to all who need it. When most of the people in these locations make less than a dollar a day, 40 cents is not easy to come by. And the trained medical staff and facilities are not abundant.

This is where (RED) and the Global Fund come in and why I tip my hat to U2's lead singer, Bono, and others like him who look outside themselves to see where there are problems in the world and how they can make a difference.

(RED) works with the hottest brands, such as Armani, Gap, Apple and Converse, to make unusual (PRODUCT) RED-branded products and direct up to 50 percent of their gross profits to the Global Fund to invest in African AIDS programs, with a focus on the health of women and children.

Since (PRODUCT) RED launched in 2006, it has generated about $140 million for the Global Fund. This money has been generated simply by giving shoppers a choice and asking them to choose (RED), at no cost to them. It's millions of small choices around the world adding up to big change.

This $140 million flows directly to AIDS programs in Rwanda, Ghana, Lesotho and Swaziland, the country with the world's highest HIV infection rate. It supports programs that not only provide ARV treatment free of charge, but creates access to testing and counseling and provides treatment to HIV-positive pregnant women to help ensure their babies are born healthy. These programs give people a chance for productive lives and children a chance to start life on the right foot.

This one small thing reverberates a cause with effects greater than humanly imaginable -- you should choose (RED), but there are so many other ways to give as well: educating ourselves about the issue, spreading the word or getting involved in whatever seems most personal to each of us. But what is most important is keeping in mind that there are worlds out there beyond our own and there is so much that can be done if we take a moment to walk in someone else's shoes.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Maxwell.

Love him.