Hill Harper's "The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships"

Hill Harper, whom you may recognize from CSI: New York and other acting gigs, is also an author and activist and has decided to dedicate his work, time and effort into taking on the serious and more than necessary task of rebuilding the seemingly destroyed relationship between Black Men and Black Women. Hill's latest book, "The Conversation" hits stores TODAY and if you believe there is a disconnect between Black Men and Black Women, but know that there is hope, then I highly recommend you pick up this book. As noted in the title of Hill' book, "The Conversation" is what is needed and what is lacking between Black Men and Black Women. The continued miscommunication, misunderstandings, distrust, and preconceived notions between Black Men and Black Women could slowly but surely come to an end with something as simple as a conversation. We DO NOT talk to each other. Instead we confuse each other, we hurt each other, we use sex as band-aids, and more often than not, we are completely unaware and not even conscious of what it is we're doing. My many Black Women friends and I, have discussed with each other over and over again how we try to talk to our Black Men, try to explain what we need them to do, how we wish they could be more thoughtful, more attentive, more appreciative, more responsible, more ambitious, more loving, more open, more respectful, more HONEST, and we wonder why they can't they just be MEN (no more Bitchassness, Man-up, take accountability....the list can go on for days). The funny thing is, I think Black Women spend more time complaining to their girlfriends - because it is always great to have someone who will listen and relate over a cocktail or two - instead of really communicating with their men due to frustration, anxiety, weariness, fear, internal issues, and the "I'd rather have a piece of a man who treats me like shit than have no man at all" syndrome. On the flip side Black Men, not all but many, choose to keep their emotions to themselves or talk to their friends about how they aren't happy in their relationship, how they have relations with more than one woman at a time, how women want more than they are willing to give, how Black women are gold diggers and just want to spend their money, how women stay complaining about nothing, and how unappreciative women are about how hard they work and how much they contribute. How AMAZING would it be if Black Men and Women could have these same conversations with each other? What if we actually took the time to address each other's concerns and issues and worked on finding solutions? How enlightened would we be if through real talk, we learned how to build relationships and friendships based on truth and simple understanding? How much happier and at ease would we be if we were comfortable enough to be honest right from the beginning, offer each other our standards and expectations, let each other know what we want, and then decide if it's worth the time and effort needed to pursue one another? How much better off would we be - and our children - if we took the time to work together, build a partnership, and realize that while LOVE is at the heart of it all, being in a relationship/marriage is a business deal - that requires equal time, effort, and willingness to learn, communicate, and make sacrifices for the benefit of each other and your family? Of course it isn't as easy as it sounds, otherwise, I think we would have figured out how to do this eons ago and 70% of professional, gorgeous, fabulous Black women wouldn't be single and there would be way more than 31% of Black children being raised in two-parent households. That is where Hill Harper and his book comes in : "My goal is to host a city to city tour of FREE town halls where we can all come together and have a real conversation about what’s really going on. I want single folks, married folks—young and old—to courageously let their voices be heard around this topic that is often discussed on talk radio or afternoon TV shows, but rarely taken on face-to-face within our communities. AND, I want singles to have the opportunity to mix and mingle at these town halls. Let’s connect singles together in every city we visit! It’s no secret that a tour like this one—free of charge to its attendees—would be expensive and require corporate sponsorship dollars. I must to prove to the prospective sponsors that this issue is important to us all. How do we do that? I can prove that we care about this issue by sharing high book pre-sale numbers with them. And by tracking what area of the country the pre-sales come from, we can be sure to schedule the tour cities for those areas. I AM ASKING YOU TO SHOW THAT YOU CARE! We all have to join The Conversation and begin to work on these relationship issues." Steve Harvey had women wanting to "Act Like A Lady and Think Like A Man"....I personally believe a woman should act like a woman, think like a woman, and understand her man and men should most certainly act like men, and think (thinking of any kind would be great :) and understand his woman. The best way to do that is to have the conversation. It's time we talk to each other! Support Hill Harper and support this book! Bring The Conversation to your city! We owe it to each other to fix us, to re-build the relationship between the Black Man and Black Woman, to nurture the Black Family, to leave legacies, and love each other. Spread the word... Why not start now? Take the time to have a real conversation with your man or your woman today! Black Love Is Beautiful....Black Love Is Amazing....Black Love Is Us.

CNN: Black in America 2

Soledad O'Brien is back on CNN to continue the discussion of what it means to be Black in America. Tonight's focus was the Black youth in America. A large majority of the young and the Black in America lack pretty much everything, have absent or drug addicted parents, don't have enough money for groceries or basic necessities, are two, three or four grade levels behind in school, and college is never even thought of as an option....well, unless they play basketball. But there is always someone who knows that so many of these children deserve so much more and have so much to give....so they do what they can to help. Even if it starts with just helping a handful. Chris Rocks' wife Malaak Compton-Rock has created a program called "Journey for Change," that is a year long empowerment program that sent 30 underprivileged Black kids from Bushwick, Brooklyn to Africa. This being the first time most of the kids left New York....who would ever dream they would get to go to Africa. While in Africa they were there to volunteer their services to help the children of Africa who are suffering tremendously, living without electricity, plumbing, beds, clothes, food, and living infected with or affect by the ravishes of AIDS. The American kids, who essentially believed that they were as poor as it gets, were awakened to what their lives could be. As hard is was for many of them, it was fantastically empowering. Some of the students with non-existing confidence began to step into the light, those who didn't see school as important discovered that they can go to school for free, without a uniform and fees, while the African students don't have that ability, those who may be poor but still have parents see that there are children raising children. Two weeks of their life on another continent where they see that hardships, pain, and suffering are not unique to just them and if they really thought about it, they are actually privileged. Returning to America didn't stop the change. These kids decided that they would use what they were given and make the best of it. They don't have to be victims of their surroundings, their backgrounds, and what they don't have. They will take advantage of what they do have and discover what they can do to give back to the world. Ultimately learning that being Black in America can actually be a good thing. In Connecticut, a Black man by the name of Steve Perry decided to make a difference. He founded a year-round school, Capital Preparatory Magnet School, that would give Black students a chance to not only have an education but the opportunity to build a life for themselves. Connecticut is a state with one of the largest achievement gaps between black and white students in the nation, and those that are accepted into Capital Prep are often three to four grades behind. Literally being in 9th grade reading at a 5th grade level. Yet, Steve Perry has managed to send every graduate of Capital Prep to college. He is the parent, the bus driver and even the school janitor and he does it for "his" children. He sacrifices time with his own family, his wife and two boys, to support his other children. These children do not have parent support or even the means to get to school, but Mr. Perry has made it his business to do what it takes. He is a child of a teenage mother, grew up in the projects and was most likely on his way to jail. Fortunately, his fourth grade teacher saw his potential and made it his business to set Mr. Perry straight. He chose to be better and pay it forward, to help others be better and do better. His dedication, his strength, and his belief in what can be is astounding, admirable and awe inspiring. What about Black kids in America who are children of CEOs, doctors, lawyers, and business owners? They too struggle. Most Black and White people don't even realize that the affluent Black community even exist. In America the stereotype which stems from nuggets of truth, is that Black people are on welfare or only get to do anything thanks to affirmative action and even with that, they might own a house or get to go to college, but they aren't necessarily wealthy or successful, unless they are rappers or athletes. How do they find their place when the are in a small minority amongst their own race but still looked at as a charity case or a "nigger" by White people? Affluent Blacks stick together. They help each other carry on the legacies of their families, specifically pointing out the Tuxedo Ball which was formed by Dr. Carlotta Miles, which offers wealthy and privileged Black people the opportunity to network, find mentors, jobs, and more than likely find someone of the same pedigree to date/marry to maintain affluence, education etc. on both sides. The goal, however, is to grow this group. It is easy for this group to be almost invisible because they aren't always recognized (unless they get arrested in front of their house like Dr. Gates), people within their own race reject them because they don't believe they can relate to their struggle and White people don't care how much money they have...they're still Black. Helping with the growing of this group is John Rice. A Black man who grew up affluent and surrounded by the best of the best amongst Black people. He left his executive job with the NBA to start Management Leadership for Tomorrow (MLT)a program for minorities that prepare them to be CEOs and leaders in the corporate America. He understands that while education is more than necessary, there is so much more to excelling in corporate America that cannot be learned in the classroom, and is especially not taught to Black students. In reality, networking skills, leadership skills, and general business acumen is taught to those, especially White people, as kids and continued throughout their lives. They witness their parents having business dinners, making deals on the golf course, and attending black tie affairs where companies are started, kids are accepted to college before filling out applications, and promotions are made while sipping on Dom Perignon. Most Black and Brown people do not have a clue, and even after getting a college degree and doing what they are told is the best way to succeed, still end up in a middle management job for their entire career watching those around them become executives, VPs, and CEOs. Programs like MLT help those who understand that there are ways to reach the top of the top, get there. Shout out to my girl Ms. Wonsley who is gorgeously, fabulously, and successfully Black in America. I saw you!!!! Part 2 of 2 of Black in America, tomorrow.

Jill Scott Is A Single Mother....

Seriously. Jill tells Essence.com about her acting success, baby boy Jett, labor, being a mother and the fact that she and John are no longer together. Daayum. ESSENCE.COM: Congrats on the possibility of an Emmy nod for Best TV Drama Actress! If you win you will be the first African-American woman to do so. Did you expect such acclaim or pressure? JILL SCOTT: No pressure, but I'm excited. It's definitely something I dreamt about, and if it comes to fruition then that's wonderful. In regards to expecting the acclaim, I wish I was that forward thinking. We were just there doing a good job, and after the show was done we thought, Well, maybe. I am proud of the work that we did. ESSENCE.COM: Does this Hollywood success mean your music fans won't hear your angelic voice anytime soon? SCOTT: As much as I take a break, music never gives up on me. I have to write, sing, listen to my iPod, and that inspires me to create. It's a part of me that I don't ever want to go away, no matter what else I do, so I'd say that you can expect a new CD possibly this year, I hope. ESSENCE.COM: Congrats to you on your new bundle of joy, Jett Hamilton. How has motherhood been treating you? SCOTT: Wonderful. I named him after a black gemstone that my makeup artist in Africa had; it was simply called Jet, and I fell in love with it and the name because I thought my beautiful baby is a gem. I truly loved being pregnant and feeling what was going on inside my body and watching it change. It's difficult to recoup but still amazing nonetheless. I would have another one. ESSENCE.COM: So does that mean you had an easy labor of love? SCOTT: Not at all. I was in labor for 36 hours. After that experience, anytime I have reservations and think I can't do anything I remind myself that I survived the birth of my child (Laughs). Although I didn't scream my baby into this world, the pain continued after he was born for at least three weeks. During labor I felt like I needed to put the fire out. Everybody kept telling me the pain wasn't going to last forever but after 20 hours of it I left the building. I felt like I was on the ceiling looking down at myself like, Dag, girl, you still in labor? I know my experience isn't everyone's but I believe people need to be realistic when sharing their stories about their pregnancies and birth. When he arrived I held him in my arms for about an hour and then went to sleep because I was simply exhausted. ESSENCE.COM: Well, at least your hubby-to-be was there to support. How has he been adjusting to Jett? SCOTT: Yes, he was there and for a couple of days afterwards while I stayed in hospital, but John and I are no longer together. When you have a baby you're dealing with a lot of emotions and I don't know how much of it had to do with us breaking up, but it happens. We definitely love our son and we are co-parenting and working on being friends. It is what it is. I have a lot of support, so I want for nothing as far as that's concerned. I know some might criticize me or the fact that my son is being raised in a single-parent home, but I wasn't raised in a two-parent home and I had a good relationship with my dad. I have hopes for him and I'm sure his father will do his part as well. ESSENCE.COM: As a mother, what has been the biggest lesson thus far? SCOTT: My heart and prayers go out to all single moms because it's tough, and I can't imagine any teenager dealing with a baby and all those hormones raging. I can afford to have this child at 37 because I have a support system and I can talk to my girls, Mo'Nique and Erykah [Badu], but I don't understand how any mother does it alone. I don't believe I suffered from postpartum because I didn't feel depressed, but it was jarring and I can understand now how some mothers lose it. What he's taught me is that I thought I was grown and patient but I was neither until now. Even when I hold him and dance with him to his favorite song, Marvin Gaye's "Come Live With Me," and he holds me tighter and then relaxes, I realize that I never knew unconditional love like this before, and I'm looking forward to watching and helping him grow. On one hand, I'm not surprised about the break-up...if I'm not mistaken John has a few baby mothas and after Jill had her son, she prolly realized just why. On the other hand, I'm so happy for all of Jill's success. She sounds like she's loving motherhood, learning and growing, and she's gonna be more than fine. All I know is, with a break-up and a new baby....Jill's next album is bout to be reediculous. Can't wait!!! Source

Congrats!!!

Michael Strahan and Nicole Murphy are engaged! For some reason, I am really excited for these two. She's gorgeous and even tho I appreciate his handsome status so much more when his big ass gap isn't visible, I think they make a beautiful couple. AND they have 9 kids between them, so they don't need no more, and all they have to focus on is living life, having fun and doin whatever the hell they want. They deserve their love and I'm happy for them and hope it last forever. In the wake of people divorcing after less than two years of marriage and the birth of two kids, people fighting about their divorce over twatter, and rappers making babies with more than one woman at a time.....it is refreshing to see two grown and beautiful people happy and in love. Let's just hope it stays that way. Source

I Mean, He's Nice, But His Face....

I came across a most excellent, interesting, and very true article in The Root that advises single women to take a look at what they can learn from Michelle Obama. The truth is that our First Lady is a bad B. We all fell in love with the fact that this brown gorgeously regular looking lady, whose been rockin J. Crew flawlessly since before we knew her name, is beyond educated, professionally untouchable, is the mother to two beautiful little girls, and has a husband who is head over heels. How can you not love her? The question is, however, before Barack Obama was president and was just a younger skinny dude with big ears, an awkward type swagger, with a name that you know people fucked up consistently....why did Michelle love him? All successful, cute, fierce, fashionable, paid etc. women want a man whose not only on their level, but even surpasses and helps elevate their status. Single women are tired of upgrading and dealing with men they have to "work with". But what about those men that are driven, ambitious, successful or making moves to be, kind, sweet, and wants you to be by his side as he makes his ascent into the stratosphere of life, which includes professional, personal, and family success....but one of his eyes is Forest Whitaker like or he's the captain of the Doof Troop? How many times have you let the captain go only to see him a couple of years later married to a pretty lady and he's a CEO while you're still hittin up networking events in your most sexiest get 'em gurl dress hoping you can snag you a hottie? I laughed my ass off when I read some of the excuses the author of The Root article girlfriends use when she tried to hook them up with some good ones....I'm sure one, if not all of them will sound more than familiar: His toes were ashy. He seems like he’d be a really cool friend, but I don’t know, those lips. . . He was wearing a bubble coat, and seriously, it was not that cold. We had a good conversation, but I like a man to be more aggressive. That was our second and last date. He used the word “authentic” like 14 times. How many times do I have to tell you I’m looking for someone TALL and HOT? Keywords being tall and hot. He drank a hot chocolate instead of coffee. What is he? A 6’4’’12-year-old? (I’m putting myself out there—this was my own reaction to an otherwise pleasant date just a few years ago.) Yeah, he was tall, but his head seemed a little small for his body. It was loud in there, so I’m not sure. Did I detect a stutter? Boy, was he sweating! He seems like someone who would like Star Trek. I don’t care if he can’t see. He should have left those glasses at the office. He was dancing (or worse, trying) way too hard. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Ummmmm....I don't know how many times I've detected a stutter from a thick ass glasses wearin, why he didn't have his dentist pull that tooth, not tall enough and damn sure not hot enough and the list goes on and on.... There is no such thing as the perfect man, only the perfect man for you. I think a lot of times we women, Black women specifically, allow external factors to dictate the men we love. Maybe your friends won't think he's cute, or your family won't like that he doesn't come from your type of pedigree and has never even been to the Hamptons, or maybe you're embarrassed because he doesn't have a college degree. Of course you can have your standards, you have to be attracted, and there are some things that you won't and shouldn't look past, but when do we decide to be realistic? When do we decide that we don't care what other people think? When do we decide that our happiness is more important than some bullshit check list that is filled with everything superficial? At the end of the day, Michelle had no idea Barack was going to make history and be the first Black president of the United States. She fell in love with a big eared younger man who had dreams and more than anything, just wanted to love her. Isn't that enough? Just something to think about.... Check out the article: So what he had a booger? Instead of staring at it the entire date and not paying attention to anything he is saying, how bout just tell him to get that? Is a booger gonna be the reason he's the one that got away?

Noooooooo!

Kelis and Nas are getting a divorce and I'm not happy. I LOVE them together! And the baby is still cookin in da belly. WHY???? They were supposed to be the ones to make it. You know what, as soon as that baby comes they are gonna be all in love again. Kelis is just tired and only wants to eat ice cream and pickles. It's just her hormones. She'll be fine. They are gonna be fine. Her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. I refuse to believe this just cuz there are actual court documents that say that Kelis wants spousal and child support and joint and physical custody of the unborn child. Nooooooooooo! If you got real love let me see you put your hands up.....anyone? Anybody? Anybody out there got their damn hands up?! Oh wait...I see you Baby Brown!!!

Damn Disney!

Just when Disney got us all excited about the first ever Black princess, they remind us how shit really is and show us the prince. Silly of us to just assume that Princess Tiana would find love with a Black prince. They think cuz Prince Naveen is voiced by a Brazilian actor and has a tan, that they've done their part. This is so sad. Why can't Prince Naveen look like Princess Tiana? Why is Disney scared to be responsible for the positive representation of Black love? So unfortunate. As per usual...take two steps forward to take five steps back. Source

Eva & Lance Keep It Spicy

Eva and Lance do Rolling Out Magazine for their V-day issue....I can't with these two. The hotness is just ReeDickUlous!!!! They are sooo gorgeous. You would think all they have to do is stare at each other, but even they need to add a lil spice to keep it hot...they have a pole. Rolling Out: So how do you keep things spicy in your relationship? Eva: We work hard to keep things spicy in our relationship. We role-play a lot. Lance: (laughs) She’s got a couple of outfits …I’m not gonna tell you everything though. Eva: We have a pole… Lance: (smiling) We do have a pole. It’s a nice pole too. Eva: WE don’t have a pole. YOU have a pole. Lance: Hey, that is our pole. We are in this thing together … the pole is removable too. And it comes with all of these accessories. You can order a stage and get lights too. Eva: We are not getting a stage … But yeah, that’s how we keep things fresh in our relationship. Lance: So after she cooks dinner, she gets on the pole. Tacos and the pole! Yeah!!! Eva: We sound like a real west coast couple … Tacos and the pole. Lance: I'm just playing with you …but we do have a pole. Eva: (laughs) Yeah we do. Tacos and a pole never sounded so zexy.... Source

Jill Scott Is Having A Boy!

Come this April, Jill is going to be singing love songs to the newest man in her life...her son. As you all know, Jill is engaged to her cute lil drummer man Lil Jon Roberts and the now she's going to be a mother....and the best part is that Jill thought she could never have children. She found love again and he helped her conceive a miracle. Proving to us as always, that she's the real thing in stereo and if you live your life like it's golden, there won't be nothing gettin in the way of what's destined to be yours. Essence took time out to chat with Jill and get her thoughts on becoming a new mom. ESSENCE.COM: Congrats, Ms. Scott! We are so happy for you. What was your gut reaction when you learned you were pregnant? JILL SCOTT: Shock. I didn't think it was possible for me to have kids because I was told I couldn't conceive. I had given up hope of becoming a mother one day. ESSENCE.COM: What a blessing—a miracle baby! After you got over the shock where did you stand emotionally? SCOTT: I had to slow down because after I found out, I was supposed to leave for Africa the next day. I called my doctor and talked about what I needed to do, what I couldn't do and what I could do. I was just trying to take as many precautions and be as knowledgeable as I possibly could. Quite frankly, I was freaked out and everyone was asking me, "What are you going to do?" My agent was distraught, but it wasn't about anybody else other than me finding out if the baby was going to be okay, so that's what I did first—slow down. ESSENCE.COM: Is that the sole reason that you chose to prolong the news? SCOTT: Well, yes, that was a large part of it. Because I'm 36 and considered a high risk for pregnancy, I wanted to make sure that everything was okay. My closest friends and family knew and that was enough for me. Oddly enough, as pregnant as I am, I didn't have time to enjoy my pregnancy because I was working in Botswana for four and a half months playing someone else. It was a lot of hard work, and I'm not tripping about it because it was a wonderful opportunity and experience. So right now I'm chillin'— enjoying looking at cribs, mobiles, growing and finding maternity clothes and sleeping (laughs.) ESSENCE.COM: So have you chosen a name yet? SCOTT: (Chuckles.) Yes, but we want the baby to be the first to hear it. ESSENCE.COM: We can respect that. Are you having a boy or a girl? SCOTT: A boy. He will make his grand entrance mid-April. ESSENCE.COM: Now you'll have two men around the house to take care of you. Your fiancé and drummer, Lil Jon Roberts, must be thinking, "I'm the Man!" SCOTT: (Laughs.)We're in the same place as far as just the initial shock and just feeling so blessed to be having this child. But yeah, that would make him "The Man" to do what can be done. It's funny because I remember one day I was feeling a little down and I said to my girlfriend, "I guess I've missed my opportunity to be a mom," and she responded, "No, you just haven't met the right man yet." I've always believed that everything on this earth has a rightful key that fits and he was mine. ESSENCE.COM: Now, Ms. Jill, that's another song right there—"Right Key" or maybe the new version to "Padlock to My Heart." So what kind of cravings are you having and which of your favorite foods can you no longer stomach? SCOTT: (Laughs.) I craved salty foods. I used to eat mustard, olives and pickles all together in a sandwich. Now I don't want anything. I'm having a hard time building an appetite. I have to force myself to eat. I just can't figure out what I want. I'll have a taste for something, make it and then be like, Nah, I don't think so. I'm real difficult right now. ESSENCE.COM: So do you and Mr. Roberts plan to get hitched after the baby arrives? SCOTT: No, there's just so much happening. We didn't plan for this, but God obviously had other plans. We planned to enjoy ourselves and maybe try the endometriosis treatment thing [which can enhance fertility] and try to start a family. ESSENCE.COM: They say if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. What have you enjoyed most about wearing motherhood? SCOTT: You know, I've had to take a dose of the "big girl" pill in many different areas. What I mean by that is, for so long I've been able to be carefree—frolicking in my life. I didn't have to be responsible for anyone else but myself, my mother and my grandmother. I've been free to do what I want, when I want. Now I have to watch what I eat, how I eat, make sure I get enough rest. Before I was just running and now, I'm so much more responsible and thoughtful and that's a good thing. ESSENCE.COM: So do you think you'll be a good mom? SCOTT: I hope so. It might sound odd but I'm parenting now even though my son hasn't arrived yet. I have to be aware that I'm someone's mom and in three months he'll be here. Therefore, I have to be aware of my energy and my attitude. I don't want to be the funky, pregnant lady just because I can. I really have to make an effort to be conscious of everything about me because it's no longer about me, but my child. I don't feel like talking or anything now. I just want to be silent and experience all of this. There are so many amazing things happening at once. ESSENCE.COM: So how did you survive nearly five months in Botswana for your HBO Series "The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency?" SCOTT: Girl, I almost didn't. It was so hot in Botswana. I wanted to go home but the reality was that it was a dream job; I worked really hard to get it, and more importantly, I really didn't want my son to see me as a quitter. In the meantime, it's still difficult to remain calm. I have to acknowledge the fact that I wasn't and learn not to be so hype about the job, rushing and forcing myself. I had to be patient and others had to learn to be patient with me even if they didn't want to. Because, you know, when you're filming, folks are ready to go. ESSENCE.COM: You sound like you're glowing. All we can think about is the wonderful influence motherhood will have on you musically. SCOTT: Yes, I've been writing. A lot of things are on my mind. As a woman, I hear better, I smell better, my taste buds are different and I feel so much more like a sexual being than I ever have. I've learned a lot about men and mothers. I've never appreciated mothers this much, or even my mother, until now as I sit in a room with my grandmother, my mother and now my son. It's truly amazing what's happened to me and there's a lot to say and I can't wait to say it. ESSENCE.COM: What parting words do you have for those sisters who might have given up on becoming mothers? SCOTT: It's so hard to believe, it's hard to have faith, especially when things aren't working out. It's difficult and a challenge when you continuously ask for what you want and need in your life or at least what you think you want and need in your life, but that's when you have to believe and have faith the most. Who knows how the blessings will flow or at what time or what hour those lessons are going to come. So I'd simply share to learn to be grateful for everything. When you give up, when you start to believe again, when you're crying, when it hurts so bad, when you're too embarrassed to face anybody— whatever—just be thankful because I believe that's all God really wants from us is to be appreciative. It's been my way of thinking and I'm hoping to teach this lil' one these things.

Right Quick....

SADNESS: The fabulousness that is Eartha Kitt has left us. Eartha died on Christmas Day. She was one of the sexiest to ever do it. She'll be missed. BEAUTIFUL LOVE: Eva 'The Diva' Marcille and her fine ass boo Lance Gross are engaged!!! The gorgeousness that are these two is just too much for me. I love it, I love them, and I need too see offspring stat. Congrats! Da Fuckery: These two jackasses gross me out. UGH. Here's hopin you got er'thing you wanted for Xmas! Carry on witchur holiday fun...

Ever Lasting Love...

What is there to say about these two? They just look like love. Despite whatever their side fetishes are, they are clearly still in love and in like. It's a beautiful thing, black love. Fabulous!

If You Break Up Wit Your Man Cuz He Throws Up On U....

You're so lame! Says Janet. And I have to agree. Er'body gets a lil too fucked up er'now and then. Especially chocolate leprechauns.

Fabulosity Of The Day: Boris and Nicole

I just had to point out the STUNNINGNESS that is Nicole and Boris. The hot ta defness is sickenin! These two were at Tyler Perry's celebration and they just shut er'body down. Just gorgeous. Nicole is workin that hair cut. Fierce! And Boris well...the lord rested after he created that. Just damn.

Star Got A Man....Like A Real One

I am shocked and RuPauled!! A straight man is diggin Star Jones. Wow. And he's a nice looking man too. I don't know who he is, but I kinda want to know what is wrong with him. I mean he is kissing and loving up on Star in public and he seems to be happy to do it! But for real, he looks like he can do better than Star. No offense Star, but you aren't the cutest...but I will say you rock the saggy skin and bobble head look better than almost anybody. I don't think Star has as much money as she once did but maybe after marrying a gay man and getting knocked off her pedestal she has learned to be humble and is like, a nice person now. I'm still suspect and not sure what this guys motives are but I'll say that I'm happy for Star. Er'body, even Star, deserves a lil love. Source

How Do We Read Body Language?

Ryan Leslie (29) has been seen on a red carpet or two with super model in the makin, Chanel Iman (18) and the two were seen recently lunchin somewhere...clearly on a date of sorts. My first observation is the fact that they are sitting very far apart from each other.... While Ryan gives a "I'm havin a great time!" smile, Chanel gives a smirk or a side smile of sorts...whatever that expression is, she damn sure ain't havin fun. Ryan is clearly enjoyin tellin Chanel his story about how he makes that hot shit and er'body in the club be dancin cuz of him. Chanel, who keeps her sunglasses on the entire time, looks like she could care less and is wonderin why da hell his nose is so big. Ryan may have finally noticed that Chanel is just not that into him and gets serious for a minute. He is askin her if something is wrong. She puts her pinky in her mouth, avoids eye contact, and is wishin she were out on a date with Pharell. Image Source

Did Lisa Raye Really Get Played To Da Lef For Rocsi?

I didn't really pay too much attention to the goings on and all the drama regarding Lisa Raye, her husband Michael Misick, and that chicken head Rocsi. I mean, while it was a bit ridiculous to see pics of Rocsi and Michael out in T&C and hearing that she was showing people around the Prime Minister's house with a bathrobe on like she live there, while Lisa Raye was letting Lil Kim lick cake off her fingers, I just kinda read about it and kept it movin. Then I heard that Lisa Raye called into the Tom Joyner morning show and said she was gonna give out Michale's number so er'body could call him and tell him what a loser he was for fuckin wit a wack ass ho...that would be Rocsi. But then I heard that Lisa was moving back in and they were gonna try and work things out. Guh-reat. (Hmmmmmm, guess I paid more attention that I thought.) But today I'm reading the Michael - not Lisa Raye - is filing for divorce. I just want to know why? I mean I totally understand that Lisa only married Michael because of the perks but I mean, then why even bother getting married? If marriages always fail - and yes while some survive let's just be realistic and even read some statistics - why even bother? Lisa could have been straight chillin up in Turks, getting er'thing she wanted and still fuckin Gary Patton on the side. Like it would have been all to the good. Now her whole shit is a huge womp womp and Diamond of Player's Club done got da boot for muthafluffin Rocsi on 106 and Park who plays with Terrence J and announces videos all day. I mean DAYUM. What does Lisa do now? What if Rocsi really obtains position as HBIC at Turks? Like what if we start seeing Rocsi on the commercals and billboards telling people to come experience Turks & Caicos. It's not right I tell ya...when your man leaves you for a bird of all birds where do you go from there? UPDATE: According to Miss P, they start fightin and bitin each other. Yes it seems Lisa Raye and Michael got into a physical altercation which requred that both needed to be treated for bite marks. Damn shame.

Black Men & Women, Love Iyanla Vanzant

I was truly blessed with the opportunity to share space, energy, and love with Iylana Vanzant last night. Iylana lead a discussion that was for Black Men and the focus was their relationships. They opened the event to both men and women, and of course, there were at least 100 more women in attendance than men, however, the men who were there were clearly seeking growth, knowledge, and understanding of how to better their relationships not only with their lovers, partners, wives, mothers etc. but with themselves. I cannot even express what a sight it is to see beautiful black men choose to know love and choose to understand accountability and work towards being their best selves for themselves and for those who they choose to have relationships with. The following is a mix of my notes (which were hard to take as I was so deep into listening) and my expression of what I learned. First Iya (yes, I'm callin her by her nickname like we best friends) had all the women get up and move to the sides of the room. Of course all the women were sitting front and center. Then she made all the men get up and move to the front. She separated us so that the women could sit in the back and listen and learn and so that the men would feel free to be open and willing to share without getting slapped up side the head by the woman sittin on his right. Once we were separated she asked the men "What is the purpose of relationships?" From there answers they came up with these reasons: 1. To build civilizations 2. To express God's love 3. To see a mirror image of yourself to heal those parts of you that are not in alignment with God's purpose. In a relationship, no matter what kind it is, there is simply LOVE. You are love. And if the purpose of relationships is to heal, then why are so many of us by ourselves? It is because we go into relationships looking to get fixed instead of looking at the mirror image of what needs healing. Healing and fixing are two very different things. And instead of healing we, especially women, take control. We control what we want to fix in our partners instead of looking at the reflection in the mirror and working on what needs to be healed within. Most of us haven't been given the tools we need to heal. Healing requires work, acknowledgement and accountability. It is so much easier to find fault in someone else than to look in yourself and know that whatever you continue to fault others for is what needs to be healed most inside you. WOMEN: Iya told us to shut up! She said women talk too damn much. (I will give an example later of how we proved her point) She said that we need to tell our men what we want them to know in 10 words or less. They can't handle any more than that. They can't and they are not taking it in. You are wasting your time and your millions of words because they zone out after the 10th word. MEN THINK IN HEADLINES. Women think in fine print. (Iya ain't neva lied!) A man needs to know that his thoughts are respected. STOP telling them their thoughts and how he should be thinking. How do you know what he is thinking? Stop trying to think for them. Men think the truth and women feel the truth. If you respect his thoughts he will feel comfortable enough to express his thoughts more and he will eventually get to the part of FEELING. Here is the example. This man (who was adorable) stood up and asked Iya how to fix his marriage because his wife has a son from a previous relationship, he has a son from a previous relationship but he feels she puts his son before him and he believes that they can't be together if he is not first. Do you not know that while Iya is tryna to work with this man there were WOMEN all in the background yellin at him and tryna tell him what he needed to do and that's her son and blah blah! Iya screamed on these women! She was like HOW DARE YOU! This man is up here pouring his heart out attempting to grow and be a better husband and father and there you go running your mouths and if you would do this to a man you don't even know I can only imagine how you speak to your own man, if you even have one, and you prolly don't. What you do ANYWHERE you will do EVERYWHERE. Women SHUT UP! After that you know those women had to pick their faces up and we didn't hear a peep after that. And you know what, that man kept taking and listened and I swear to you I was damn near in tears. She had other men get up and stand by his side to let him know that he wasn't alone. It was amazing. Iyanla saved that man's marriage last night and I witnessed that. I can't even tell you what that whole experience was like. Incredible. NEVER VOICE A MAN'S INADEQUACIES TO HIM. It is a form a violence. Women are History Majors. We carry everything from relationship to relationship and you don't know what will trigger it but the next thing you know, you are trying to give this man a final and its a test that don't have nothing to do with him and you know he won't pass. You are setting him up to fail and are confused when he leaves. Know the 4 As. 1. Affirm 2. Acknowledge 3. Accept 4. Appreciate Affirm for them that they are wonderful and that is why you love them. Let them know that they can do anything and everything and you'll be there every step of the way. Tell him everyday that you can't wait to see what great things he is going to do with this day. Acknowledge anything great that they do. Stop pointing out what he didn't do. If he took the garbage out, thank him for it, and mean it. Accept him for the way he is right now. You have no business trying to make him anything else but who he is. Appreciate him for everything that he is and even what he isn't. Why would you be with someone who you don't or can't appreciate? MEN: Don't dismiss her feelings. She has to know that what she feels matters. If you want her to respect your thoughts you have to respect her feelings. You don't have to fix her feelings, you just have to be present with her while she's having them. You know she is gonna be having a feeling about one thing today and something else tomorrow but just be present, be aware, be conscious with her. Anything you do to make her feel better TRUST that you will benefit from. Eat your Ps: 1. Protect 2. Provide 3. Please 4. Perform Be there. Let your presence be your protection. Sometimes you may even need to protect her from herself. She has to know that you are occupying your space as her man and you are protecting her. Provide for her. That isn't even about money. You can provide your love, your heart, your ears, your arms and anything that you know will PLEASE her. To please her know what matters to her. It is the little things. Know the little things that make her eyes light up. Even if it is playing her favorite song and asking her to dance while your stroke her hair. Maybe it is coming home with her favorite ice cream. If she was having a bad day, I betchu that day just got a million times better. Just because you were there and you know her enough to know what would please her. Perform. No two things can occupy the same space at the same time. Either you are gonna be the man or she is. That is not her purpose and unless you perform your role of man she'll take on both roles and resent you for making her do that. MEN AND WOMEN: Don't tell people how to love you. Allow them to show you how they love and see if you want to participate in their love. If you want to fix somebody, fix yourself. I had to share this experience with all of you. While it was about relationships, so many things were disucussed that can cover more than one aspect of your life. I know my blog is really just about this chic named F.U. who spends all of her time talkin bout mundane, sometimes pointless, sometimes unnecessary stuff that at the end of that may or may not have brightened your day -- or at least made you giggle. Last night I was kind of forced to look at some of the things in my life and think about my intentions. My intentions in writing this blog is to 1. entertain myself, 2. entertain others, and 3. to keep us all aware that life shouldn't always be taken that seriously -- even if it comes at the expense of calling some celebrity fug or trying to figure out why little boys are makin youtube videos singing Touch My Body. So for those of you who continue to read Yeah, I Said It. And What? and for those of you who continue to support the F.U. movement I say thank you and I want you to know that I am fully aware and conscious of what I am putting out into the universe and you know what, I am more than OK with that and that's why I'll continue to do it. I love it and I love you. Ewwww, did I just say that? (As I have a major smile on my face right now)

Fabulosity Of The Day: Will & Jada

Will and Jada attended the 10th Annual White Tie and Tiara Ball to Benefit the Elton John Aids Foundation and they both look like amazingly regal. I love, love, Jada's dress. And I love them. They are just so fab. Source

Love Must Be In The Air

Ruben Studdard is getting married! Ruben and his fiancée Surata Zuri McCants were spotted getting their marriage license in an Alabama court house. The license is only good for 30 days so they have to be getting married soon, altho the date hasn't been made public. Actually, now that I'm writing this, I don't really care that Ruben is getting married. I got excited at first because I was all pumped about Jill and was feeling all lovey and fuzzy for a minute. But, while I do appreciate a Ruben tune, his marriage isn't really news worthy. Or is it? The good thing is that it looks like he has lost at least 100 pounds. Source

He Loves Me - John Roberts in F Sharp

Jill Scott has found love again, ya'll! While performing for the first time at Carnegie Hall, Jill began to sing the song we all know and love 'He Loves Me (Lyzel In E Flat),' when John Roberts, Jill's drummer came on stage with a bouquet of yellow roses and kissed her. Jill then turned to the crowd and announced their engagement. How very romantical. I love me some Jill, so if she's found love again, I wish her all the best. We know how this love thang can be and you gotta appreciate a woman who still believes that it is worth it to try again. Source