Friday, June 29, 2007

The H.A.M That is Lauryn Hill

Lauryn Hill performed at a sold-out show at Oakland's Paramount Theatre. A San Francisco Chronicle critic had this to say:

"Aural audience response was divided between cheers and boos. Others sat and stood in silence, their mouths agape at what they were hearing and seeing.

Her hair in an unkempt rust-colored Afro, Hill wore a green-and-yellow plaid jacket that appeared to be made of wool and an ankle-length black skirt, looking not unlike a bag lady one might encounter at a taco truck on International Boulevard.

At one point during the show, the singer tripped and fell, landing flat on her backside. "That's what I get for wearing high heels," she said as she rose to her feet."

On her voice:

"A raspy tone, cracked notes, clipped phrases and melismas that meandered painfully off pitch demonstrated just how badly Hill's once-commanding pipes have deteriorated."

Well DAYUM. What is there even left to say about that. Dick is one hell of a drug.

Last Night

See, Diddy doesn't really want to know why last night he couldn't even get an answer. He tried to call, but his pride wouldn't let him dial. Now he's sitting there with this blank expression, and the way he feels, oh now he wants to curl like a child.

Dammit Diddy!! Kim is not answering your ass because you stay all up in some other heffas coochie!! And you don't even try to hide or be slick wit it. Just all out in the open with it muggin for the camera. Now one could say the picture is innocent and ya'll was chillin but we know you maaaannn!! And we all know that you and the ho in the pic (model Claudia Jordan) was doin a whole lot more than just chillin.

I'm not mad at you cuz a "man" is only going to do to a female what a female let him do....but don't be all up in Essence talking about your beautiful black love with President and Founder of the "Love Is Blind and I'm Rich Bitch" support group, Kim Porter. You keep her around for convenience and she is able to live a good life because of it. So does anyone really lose here? I don't think so but how bout out of respect for you kids, you keep your philandering with your hos in different area codes under wraps. Thanks boo.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Where Do The Edges Go?

I just need a lil help trying to understand how it is possible for your hair line to start in the middle of your head and all you have is little baby hairs to gel down to the big ass forehead.

I was staring at Naomi Campbell's picture and yes I know Naomi is a supermodel and she's gorgeous but I just kept thinking, what happened to her edges? Her weave literally starts about 1/2 inch down from the top of her forehead. If Naomi doesn't let her hair breathe and put some Doo Gro on those edges, she is going end up looking like the scary and beyond fugalicious Sister Patterson! She literally has a "V" shape from her forehead to the start of the weave. Eww.

Naomi! Doo Gro! Invest!!

Quick Lil Question....

This here photo was taken at a party two months as you can see Tameka is reaching for a glass of the bubbly while she already has a glass in her hand. My question is: Why do you think Usher is giving her the sideways crooked eye? Could it be cuz that bitch was drinking while she was preggers? I mean, I'm sure they knew two months ago that she was with child cuz the baby is due in the fall and the rumors have been abound for just about the last two or three months. Now I'm not one to be calling DYFS (Division of Youth and Family Services) on nobody cuz I'll be quick to beat a kid's ass in a minute but um, shouldn't we be a lil bit alarmed that in Ursher's baby's first fetal developmental months its already been tipsy? Usher boo, don't be surprised when your baby comes out doing the Peace up! A Town Down! with the one nub that developed.....I'm just sayin.

Vivica Says She's A Dancer....

Yeah um, Viv, Vivica, Vivica A. Fox just cuz you lasted a few weeks on Dancing With The Stars, it does not mean you are a dancer boo! And what is really going on with you?!

According to TMZ, which managed to get the arrest report that was processed when Vivica caught her DUI, Miss Viv was trying to talk her way out of acting a drunken damn fool!

The officer says in the report, after she was stopped, "Fox began to walk away, yelling at my partner, 'Brother help a sister -- are you going to let this racist white cop do this ... well are you?

Fox was taken to the station where a breath test was administered. The report reads, "Fox then burped quite loudly and I then aborted the test." She was also advised she could take off her 3-4 inch high heeled spiked boots, but "she told me she was a dancer and felt more comfortable wearing them."

Oh Vivica! What happened to the Vivica that used to be hot and had a face that didn't melt in the sun? What happened to the Vivica that Fitty Cent once thanked for wearing that dress?! DAMMIT! Fitty done caused you to lose your damn mind. Got you showing up to award shows looking like a beaded gold cockatoo. You really are a mess right now and we can only that you pull your shit together real soon. Get it together Viv.

Random Ish

Ummmmmmm, we all know Serena is a big dude, er lady. Serena is a big lady. But I really just want to know why her right arm is the size of Shaquille O'Neal's thigh? I mean just damn Serena?! But you know what Bionic Boo? Keep injecting, squirting, lifting or doin whatever it is you do to hit them balls and keep that ass sittin up like that. Kick ass at Wimbledon!

So it is official....for real this time. Usher is gonna be a Daddy and not just to Tameka's 3 almost adult aged children. A real life baby Ursher will be coming into the world. Why Tameka couldn't just confirm this to Essence during her interview (see: When Your Coochie Is Made of Gold) is beyond me but watevs....Congratualtions?

Wyyyyyclef?! What are you doin boo? Why do you continue to kill Marie Claudinette Jean softly? Then again, she knows exactly how you do....she and Kim Porter need to start a "Love Is Blind And I'm Rich Bitch" support group.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

CiCi and Fitty Update....

Oh they are really working this publicity thing to the nth yes, Fitty and CiCi sat next to each other at last night's BET Awards and yes we all have heard about the sexy video soon to be released....and now, we have the first visuals. Fitty is such a cornball but good lord that body...I mean just the back alone...good goodness! CiCi you can keep all that tho cuz I got my hands just way too full with TGT. I'm not madacha boo...not mad at all.

The Gist: 2007 BET Awards

I must say that BET has managed to get one thing right...and that is the award show. I wouldn't say the show gets better each year, but I can say that I am always entertained and last night was no exception. Overall, the best part of the entire show was that I can't even remember who won awards because it seemed like there was a lot less talking and more performing. I could also appreciate the folks at home getting their shine by creating videos to announce the nominees. Short, simple, cute and funny. Now....while the show was great and everything there, of course, were some moments that we could have all done without. Let's get to it.

Show Stopper Award: I have to give this award to both of the Jennifer's and Beyonce. Dammit. Just when I was on my feet damn near catching the holy ghost watching Jennifer Hudson and Jennifer Holliday sing "And I Am Telling You", Beyonce had to come wit it in her C-3PO Star Wars outfit and kill it. Damn you Yonce! Must you reign supreme always??!! Sigh....but I tell you, the Jennifers have shut it down forever on "And I am telling You". No one can ever sing that song again...ever. They have put it to rest, put the stamp on it, and it is obvious that unless you can make all those facial contortions and look like you are having an epileptic seziure while you are singing like Jennifer Holliday, just don't do it boo. (see for urself)

As for Yonce, first of all she looked hot. Then she had HOT BOY from the video (heeeeyyyy hot boy!!!) come out and dance with her. Now why she had bootleg ass Michelle and need-a-job Solange come out, I don't know. I mean I guess the idea was to do the video and they were in the video, but I could have done without them in the video too. So the Unecessary Accessorie Award goes to Yonce for including people just for the sake of inclusion. And who saw Solange almost bust her ass off the stage? I can say that at least Solange tries to work it. I'm still upset that they let her jump up out of that thing at the end for the final bump like this dance. I didn't like it. She is not the unofficial fourth member. She is the little sister. Can we let her play her role please? And Michelle...oh Michelle. Why must you always look like you don't belong? You stand out only because everyone can tell that you don't measure up. Boo Boo, just stop it.

The A for Effort Award: Kelly Rowland. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. First let's thank Yonce for allowing you the time to shine. I mean she even thanked you (and the other two) for performing with her. Cuz I mean clearly, the only way you would have been allowed to perform is if you performed with her. Anyhoo...I'm guessing this performance also squashes any rumors of you leaving Matthew. But watevs....more importantly, you looked fabulous!!! You looked like Wonder Woman but with poom poom shorts on. Loved it! As for your actual singing, you tried real hard and I can respect that. I know you told us you were gonna bump like this, and I believed you. However, boo, I couldn't really hear you. I actually sang the song for you according to those at the viewing party. I tried to explain that Matthew and Yonce had your microphone set on low on purpose so that you wouldn't outshine her but even I knew I was reaching. I love that you tried to sing live and dance and do it all but like I've said before, you aren't the brick house nor do you have the power house vocals so let us leave that for those who have all that. You need to sing ballads for the live performances and if you are going to pop and lock to songs, it is okay if you lip synch because we already know your range and capabilities. But you followed Yonce and gave it your best and I'm not mad at your for that. (Side note, Kelly, I know it was a C-O-N spiracy and Yonce and her Daddy set you up....but you didn't hear that from me)

My Favorite Outfit Award: Eve's ensemble during her performance with Kelly was HOT. It was my favorite of the night. And she actually enhanced Kelly's one time for Eve. Now her hair and outfit on the red carpet was a whole notha situation but for all that is fashion, check out my girl Elle!

The Get Off Her Dick Award
: Mo'Nique. Dammit Mo! How many times are you going to open the show with a Beyonce routine???!!!! You killed it with the Crazy in Love!! You cannnot and will not top that so just stop it! And then of all songs you do Deja Vu! And you didn't even know the words! If you had to do Beyonce why couldn't you do like Upgrade U or something. You could have had one of the Fat Boys come out and do Jay-Z's part. Can we be more creative next time? Can we let Beyonce rest for just a minute? Can you pretend you listen to other music. I mean, could you not have broken it down to Umbrella, Ella, Ella, Eh, Eh? And then telling Yonce she is the Queen just put it over the top. I mean if you could manage to fit up her ass, I think I would find you in there suckin on a rib bone. Let's move on Mo, k boo?

The BOO Award goes to several folks. Number one being Ne-Yo. You have proved time and time again that you are the wackest when it comes to performing. You write great songs and yes you can sing, but you are boring as all hell and I don't believe you. The second award goes, surprisingly, to my 2nd favorite white boy (1st is JT) Robin Thicke. I still listen to Robin's album like I just got it the other day. I cannot take it out of my rotation. I love him. I love his voice and I think he is incredibly talented. I was loving Robin even when he was all greasy looking with his long hair and riding his bike as the messenger in the video for When I Get You Alone. So imagine my dismay when I'm talking thru his performance because 1. he sounded like Mickey Mouse and B., he was boring as hell and F., I can't hear that damn song anymore! He has like 80 songs on his CD, can we move on people puh-lease?! And the final Boo Award goes to 50 cent....HAHAHA, did Fitty have a Ashlee Simpson moment? We played it back and still can't tell what happened. All I know is, he was taking off his jacket while he was supposed to be rapping and then he had the mic so close to his mouth you couldn't tell if he was rapping or not, and then the music was just playing and he wasn't do anything but walking in the audience hi-fivin people. Ummmmmmmm.....Fitty, what's that all about boo? Did you forget the words or do rappers really lip synch too? And then if we even forget all that, your set was the wackest and the Cirque Du Soleil routine has been is time to let that go. But you did mention your Vitamin Water so you reminded us all that no matter how corny you are, you are rich bitch. We get it. Thanks.

The Fun Times Award goes to Ciara and Diddy & Keyshia Cole. Both performances had me dancing and ejoying myself. Diddy and his march (his version of the break it down two step) always gets me amped. If Diddy is nothing else, he is an entertainer and I enjoy him. Keyshia cole looked cute and she tears it up most always. Could have done without Lil Kim tho. Her verse is corny and she didn't even look hot. Like if you are going to make a surprise appearance Kim, surprise us. I would have even been happy with a outfit with one boob covered with a pasty! As for Ciara, another one who tries to sing live while dancing her ass off. Just stop it. You know you can't sing while you stand still! But CiCi can dance her ass off and so you just forget the fact that she is even singing and you just watch her break it down one time and think, now that's how you get bitches bodied!! And I know CiCi went home last night and made Fitty feel better about his horrible performance....and I know she didn't even have to take her panties off, she just pulled them to the side.....hey, those are Fitty words, not mine.

The Moment of Silence Award: TGT. Better known as Tank, Genuwine, and Tyreese. DAAAAYYYYYUUUUUMMMM! Oh the deliciousness!! I would like to accept this award on the behalf of all of them as they are all worn out after a foursome like no other....wait a minute hold on, they actin up right now.....Tank, put my panties down boo! Put them down. Tyrese, the Gatorade is in the fridge boo. Get your levels up. And G, I will brush your baby hairs later, k baby. Now let me get back to accepting this award. So, like I was saying I want to thank the creator of Tivo for allowing us to pause and just revel in lusciousness. I would also like to thank The Creator for making such ree-diculously fine menzes. It would have been nice if you made them all taller, but I know, I can't be choosy and stuff so just thanks and now I have to go and handle my business.

The Unemployment Award goes to whoever wrote Debra Lee's speech. Did you have her reading the word "crisises" off the teleprompter? When Debra watches the tape back and sees that you had her speaking like her name is Jim Jones, you are so fired!

The Move Out of My Peripheral Vision Award goes to Chudney Ross. While I was trying to appreciate Diana Ross, who is so fierce and fabulous, I kept getting distracted because her fugly ass daughter Chudney was all up in the upper side of the TV. Why must she be so damn fug?! And damn you Diana for naming her Chudney! It is like you were just asking for her to be fug. And that Evan Ross looks even worse looking like the ghost of Christmas Never Was. Just Ugh.

Well that concludes this edition of The Gist. I was entertained and more than anything, I was happy that there really wasn't any of the Coonin and Bufoonery that BET is sadly becoming known for. Props to T.I. for mannin' up and apologizing for the foolery you displayed before and after you got beat up. Anyway, fun times. So until next time.....

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Say Word?!

Media Take Out, not the most reliable or believable source, is reporting that Kelly Rowland is leaving Matthew Knowles (Yonce's Daddy) and has signed with Chris Lighty and Violator Management. Supposedly, the deal will be announced once her album is released on July 3rd.

I hope this is true. I think it is about time that Kelly came up from under her "father's guidance" and did the damn thing on her own. Kelly's album is coming out in two weeks and her marketing has been the worst! Her album has been pushed back too many times to count while Beyonce's album done been released and re-released and then bitch made a video anthology of her re-release Deluxe edition which even has the bitch sangin' in mutha fluffin espanola. Can Kelly get an album out where she can sing a few songs in English Matthew?! I mean damn!

Now Kelly was just on Wendy Williams and Wendy asked her if she was planning to leave Matthew and she said no...of course. She also held her own against all the stankness that is Wendy Williams (love her!) and the rude and crude jackasses who called in to basically tell Kelly that she is wack and her voice is not as good as Beyonce's blah blah. They even took a poll to see who the audience thought was the best R&B singer...Yonce of course took the first spot, followed by Keyshia Cole, followed by Kelly, and then Rhianna. Kelly basically brushed her shoulder off and was like that's fine. There is a place for all of us and you like who you like and its all good. The only person that called in to say something nice to Kelly was a 43 year old white lady who really just wanted Kelly to tell Venus and Serena she said hello and good luck at Wimbledon. Kinda sad.

All I know is, I like Kelly. I think she is pretty and classy and I actually think the girl can sing. No she isn't a brick house or a power house vocally, but she is clearly talented and can make it do what it do.

Monday, June 25, 2007

F.U. To The Rescue!

Ok people, its official. You like me. You really like me. And you clearly trust or at least can appreciate my opinion, judgement and honesty. It has already been established that if you allow me, I will post your question and my answer on my blog. Munchie, the tramp I received the following question from requested that I post this because she wants to send it to someone so that it just happens to get back to all parties involved.

Hey F.U.,

Love the blog. My job is boring as hell and my cousin passed your blog on to me since I don't do anything all day. I've made your blog a favorite and I look forward to your entertainment. So anyway, you said people can email you if they need advice or whatever, so this is my situation. I'm 29 and my mother got married last year to her boyfriend of like 5 years. I don't know who my father is and my mother has been bringing different types of men around me since I was kid and I'm grown with my own kids. But 5 years ago, she met this man that she fell in love with and he seemed to love her back. So last year they get married and have the nice wedding and all that.

Anyway, I have to say that my mother's husband is attractive. Very attractive and I was feeling like ever since we met that he would look at me like he was attracted to me. I ignored it and thought it was just my own craziness. Well so, my mother was out of town and I assumed that he went with her. I stopped by the house to bring over my laundry and just to get away for a minute and thought I would have to house to myself. He is there when I get there and I was like, oh I thought you went with my Mother and I just came by to do laundry...and he was like sure stay no problem. I was just about to have a drink.

You may already know where this is going but I ended up having sex with my mother's husband. This was two months ago and now I'm pregnant and I'm not sure if it is with him or my boyfriend. My mother is going to disown me if she finds out but I really think she should know, I just can't be the one to tell her. I also am not sure what to do about the baby.

Go ahead F.U. and yell at me.


DAYUM Munchie! I never said my name was Dr. Robin bitch. What the hell can I tell you that you don't already know?! You are a skanky ho, tramp, slut, bitch for sleeping with your mother's husband. I bet your mother has been through all kinds of relationships and thought she finally found the one, only soon to learn that her daughter and her husband are beyond disrespectful and just damn nasty. I personally wouldn't tell my mother so I don't know if your cousin is reading this, but cousin, stay out of it. While this is something your mother should know, she is the victim here and the hurt and pain it would cause your mother could be just too much. Losing a daughter and a husband is just way too much. And then ya'll was fucking in her house too! And who knows, the mother might stay with the husband and disown your dumb ass. And I don't know your mother, but I know if I was your mother, I would cut your ass. Bitch I brought you in this world, and dammit to hell, I'll take you out!

But if you really want her to know then handle yours and tell her. Why would you want her to hear from cousin Pookie anem'? You was woman enuff to fuck her man, be woman enuff to tell her you did it. I doubt the husband will say anything so if it does come out, it needs to come from you. You skeezin ass heffa.

As for that baby you carrying, um are you serious? Are you really considering keeping this kid? If you can't identify who the father is and it has the potential to be your step-father's kid are you willing to take that chance? Or do you just plan to raise it as your boyfriend's baby? You are like straight out of Jerry Springer/Maury right now. You are an asshole but I can't even call you anymore names because that's just pointless. You jerk ass damn dirty bird! Ok, that's the last name.

So here is my advice. Get rid of that kid, tell no one, and don't go to your mother's house unless you know she is there.

If anyone else has any advice for Munchie, please feel free to share the wisdom.


Should you need tips or advice or have questions of any kind and you think F.U. can help, don't be scurred, hit me up!

They Are Always the Ones You Least Expect....

So for some reason, Kansas City Chiefs running back Larry Johnson felt the need to discuss his BFF status with Jay-Z. First of all, why? Why did he need to make it real clear that Jay doesn't just let randoms into his circles, especially not sports dudes and it seems he has chosen Larry and LeBron to be his BFFs. If you don't know Larry from football, then maybe you know him from Fantasia's new video....and it seems Jay was mad at him for doing that.

Question: Is Jay-Z a mentor, someone who shapes your view on how to conduct business?

Johnson: “He definitely did that. Between me and you, he definitely didn’t want me to do that Fantasia video. I definitely got cussed out for that one. He told me there were a lot of things he wanted to do, but he couldn’t do them. He said, ‘You gotta be able to look at yourself as a business, as stock, and the less things you do, the more people will have interest in you. The more things you do, you water down your value.’ ”

He is walking around in the video looking for Tasia. What's the big deal? Why can't he get his side hustle on Jay? Unless.....Jay wants to keep his BFF all to himself? is reporting the following:

We got a tip early this month from someone allegedly who works for Trump Tower:

I am writing you to asked a question. I work in the building Jay z lives in Trump Tower and though him and Bee are together, I’ve never seen her in his building? But what’s strange to me……..I see Larry Johnson all the time in fact he lives with Jay-z. The other night they attended Cav& Nets games……..when did they become so close? and why is Larry living with Jay. I have some video footage from phone of them together in the building. Is jay gay?

According to The Philadelphia Daily News, Joe Camel and Larry Johnson own a home together. Why don’t Larry Johnson and Joe Camel kick it in public?

Makes you scratch your head right....really Jay? It just goes to show you that when men reach levels of ridiculous success, have more money then they will ever be able to spend, tap the ass of the hottest bitches all over the world, and have done everything there is to do all over the world....shit gets real lame, real old, real boring real quick. And just to see if they can....they turn to the male booty hole.

And we all just recently saw a kiss between Jay and B (Jay had his hands behind his head and didn't really have to pucker up cuz his lips are big enuff so that he doesn't even need to exert no type of energy) but doesn't it always seem like Jay is the one that is just not really that interested? But I don't know, I'm just be the judge.

What man you know gonna let Beyonce pop that booty all in his crotch and all he cares about is crackberry? I'm just sayin.....

Foxy! Foxy! Can You Hear Me?

Word is, Foxy Brown aka Deaf Tone got her ass beat over the weekend. According to The Daily News, Foxy got beat up by three of her boyfriend's "friends" after she dumped him because she found out he was a pimp. It seems he didn't appreciate being dumped by Foxy after he spent all that time screaming in her ear so she can hear him, kissing those gross hot pink lipstick covered lips and running his fingers through that rat-trap she calls a weave. So the females proceeded to rip out Foxy's hearing aid and pull her rat-trap out....and having her weave pulled out seemed to be what upset her the most.

I don't know if I believe this. Yes, it is well known and established that Foxy is a punk bitch who has gotten beat up before, but this just all seems real extra. If it did happen, then HAHA (imagine Nelson from the Simpsons just said that)...but if its not, then at least she's still keepin her name in the news. Can't put out an album, so she does what she needs to do. Boo.

Those Moesha Checks Must Come in Handy!

Just thought I would share a family photo op with Shar and her tribe. I must say, for being 30 years old and having kids ages 16, 11, 4 and 2, and thanks to her nips and tucks, she looks pretty good. I still think she's a silly broad, but clearly she's handling her business and taking care of her kids. Good for you Shar!

Friday, June 22, 2007

You Are The Father Jackass!!!!!

So I know this comes as NO surprise to anyone but it has indeed been confirmed that Eddie "Johnny Gill's Lover" Murphy IS the father to cutie pie Angel Iris Murphy Brown. As if there was going to be any other outcome. Now I completely understand someone such as Eddie, a celebrity with a lot at stake wanting to make sure that the seed that was planted was indeed his BUT when he came out basically acting like he didn't even know who Scary Spice was, that's when things got ugly. Why must things always get ugly when it comes to paternity situations? (But we do appreciate it...your ignorance and stupidity makes for the best gossip!) The bitch got pregnant like the first time they got it poppin because they were only together for four months and she was four months pregnant when he decided he didn't want to be with her anymore and showed up with Tracy "Ex-Babyface" Edmunds. And yes, I know you're gay Eddie, but you keep faking the funk and your sperm seems to know no difference and you clearly like it raw the math asshole.

I understand maybe wanting to have a hotter bitch on your arm during all the press and oscar buzz over Dream Girls and your silly ass Rasputia Nezbit (or watever it was called) movie. I would not want a Spice Bitch (not a BBQ Spice, not a Lawry's spice or even Cumin spice) escorting me down the red carpet either but damn Eddie, you should have just shut-up about the whole thing. And don't act like keeping quiet isn't something you don't know how to do. When everyone was asking you about being on the prowl and soliciting sex from transvestite prostitutes...where was all that mouth then? Mum was the word....right Eh-Dee?

Well watevs, this isn't news to us. And one time for baby Angel who now officially knows who her sperm donor is (we know Eh-Dee isn't bout to be her father), and even tho she got like 8 brothers and sisters, she is rich bitch!

Chrisette Michele: If I Had My Way

I've been waiting for Chrisette's album to drop for a very long minute. I was first introduced to Chrisette's music at a listening event last year and I literally fell in love with her voice. I was beyond impressed and I asked my friend, who works in the industry, when we could expect her album. She said, "They have her on a diet and they are trying to fix her image. She has to lose weight first." I just stared at her for a minute because I couldn't believe she said that to me and was so matter-of-fact about it. She being an industry insider sees and deals with such bullshit on a regular basis but I still don't get it. She told me, she's competing with the Beyonces, the Ciara's, the Cassie's.....that's when I lost it. I said um, excuse me did you say Cassie? She laughed as I went off on a tangent about how Cassie is the most tone deaf, non-singing, fuck you for tracks bitch out there. But just cuz she's a pretty blasian with hair down to her ass and she's skinny, she can put out an album and even have Diddy defend her horrible singing by saying that she was nervous. Are you fucking kidding me? But that's the music industry in a nutshell. A talented and beautiful singer (in the same vein of Jill Scott and Jennifer Hudson) gets pushed to the side until she meets the weight requirements of the record label. Isn't that about a bitch?!

But I digress because Chrisette's day has come (and she is thinner than when I first saw her but still curvy thank goodness) and her album I AM is finally here for all of us to digest and revel in. My girl is deep and her voice is beautifully pure. Her first video...Enjoy!

Oh CiCi....

Um, Ciara was poppin it a lil too hard and the front of her pants ripped revealing a seriously peasy bush. Now CiCi, I know you wasn't expecting your pants to rip but A., why in the hell are you not wearing panties? And 2., if you are wearing panties or some form of under garment and the bush is hittin the sides like that, why don't you keep that area waxed, buzzed, clipped, trimmed or permed? I mean when your bush is looking like it needs a texturizer, that means you need to hit that....and on a regular basis. K, boo?

And speaking of CiCi, it looks like her man likes her peasy bush because um, word is she and 50 Cent (um, ew) are ready to go public with their relationship. Rumors have been floating around about the two for months now but Fitty is playing CiCi's love interest in her new video for Can't Leave Me Alone and in the video they are both oiled up and nekkid! Clearly, people (I) can't wait to see what is really goin down in this video. I'm surprised Ciara would get that freaky with hers...altho I do expect for it to be done in a most classy way....but clearly, the EVOLUTION contiues. Stay tuned!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Oh Really Jim?

So Vibe Magazine asked rapper Jim Jones to list some of his top turn-offs. And I thought is was funny....I bet most of you bitches fall into one if not all of these categories.


“Chicks think they’re fly, and the heel of their shoes is leaning — Leaning Tower of Pisa and all that. The front of their shoe is all scuffed up. And don’t walk around like you just left Africa barefoot, wearing small-ass sandals with your toes crawling out the front.”



“Don’t be coming outside in the wintertime with them ugly-ass UGGS on — I don’t care how comfortable they feel. Who wants to roll out the bed and see a pair of UGGs? There’s no sex appeal with a pair of UGGS at the bottom of the bed!”

Fuck a you Jim Jones. Uggs or Fuggs (depending on your preference and bank account) feel great! If it is cold as hell outside, snowing and all the extra shit, why not where UGGS? Why can't we be comfortable? If your bitch is fly, she can make anything look sexy...even a pair of UGGS. And how about you come outside in something else besides a HANES white T-shirt.


“There’s a difference between bloomers and boy shorts. Don’t be having no bloomers talking about, ‘They’re boy shorts.’ Them ain’t boy shorts — them big ass panties!”

I'm pretty sure a bitch would only rock some granny panties in front of Jim Jones if she was extra comfortable with him and prolly in her monthly crimson cycle. So Jim, how bout the next time you start your monthly drip, you put a pad on your thong? K, boo?


“Most ladies, they have their tracks showing, then the weave looks hella dirty and dusty like they slept on one side for the whole month. Got one side patted down, trying to get the wild Beyonce look.”

LMAO! Pat your weave ladies....I wouldn't know anything bout weaves but um, you bitches that have to roll your hair with rice and use weaves as an alternative, whether you sew, glue, paste, or staple tracks into your head take heed....nobody wants to see that boo. And Jim, your braids don't always look as fresh as they could let's not be throwin stones.


“If you’re over 200 pounds, don’t put that bikini on, baby. Them spandexes are not calling your name. Big girls need to look at Mo’Nique and how she dresses. She doesn’t ever play herself.”

First of all, "spandexes" Jim? And B., he's right bitches. If you got extra cushion, there is indeed a way to keep it sexy, classy and find shit that fits. Don't offend the rest of us just cuz you don't give a fuck. Be mindful and spare us. Thanks boo!

Who is it?

It's B, bitches!! I think this pic says it all....Beyonce is chillin on her ridiculous yacht, with her Forbes most powerful #9 ranked man (who done figured out how to make lookin like "Jay" Camel sexy as hell), sippin on a martini the same color as her damn lipstick, with her big ass sunglasses on, in the pool on the yacht....I mean this bitch really is that bitch. And yes, I'm just as tired of her as all the rest of you (well there are just way too many people who aren't tired of her: click here, here, and especially here)but when a bitch deserves her due, you gotta give it. I've officially given myself the GREEN LIGHT to give B her props. Dammit.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

And This Bitch Must Have a Cooch Dripping With Diamonds....

Cuz Tameka "Tiny" Cottle is one fugly, rat-face havin, just all around not cute bitch (another Tamkea...hmmmmm) and that's just the truth. I mean when Biggie said he would rather 'Fuck Ru-Paul than those ugly Xscape bitches' yes he was talking about all of them cuz they are all fug, but he was really talking about Tiny. Anyway, fugly as she is, she done managed to have the luscious (altho he's a tiny little man) T.I. all in love and stuff for like years and her previous baby daddy was hot chocolate man-candy. In any case, posted pics of King, Tiny and T.I.'s son and Tiny's daughter with the chocolate dude, Zonnique.

It is obvious that Zonnique got ALL of her daddy's genes and thank goodness! She is so pretty! She don't look like she could have at all possibly come from Tiny's diamond drippin, brain washing, hypnotic coochie. And King, well, he's still little so we'll just keep an eye on his development....but it isn't looking good....I see Tiny all up and thru that face. Just damn.

When Your Coochie is Made of Gold.....

You and Usher can make babies. So the rumors may or may not be confirmed that Tameka Foster, Usher's fiance is pregnant with Usher's child. In an interview with Essence magazine, her answer to the question is unclear. After being asked directly and after her response, the next question should have been "Look bitch, is you is or is you ain't about to be Usher's baby motha?"

Tameka attempts to clear up a few rumors and prove that neither she or Usher are home wreckers and were not fluffin each other while she was married and while he was in a relationship with Chilli. I don't believe that, and I actually know people who know people that can confirm that they were tappin each others asses for a minute and all while they were both CAUGHT UP. Whatever the case, Usher done proved to the masses that a bitch who looks like she is 48 1/2 years old and has children damn near his age can pull...well an Usher. I'm not mad....well I am sort of....just cuz I hear she is very controlling and is doing things that will most definitely effect Usher's career....but at the end of the day, that's on Usher. So do your thing old lady!

A few excerpts from the interview:

Essence: ...Well, are you pregnant with Usher's child?

Tameka: Yes, I do plan to have children with Usher. This is the man I love and plan to spend the rest of my life with so why wouldn't I want to share that bond of bringing another life into this world with him.

Essence: Shifting gears a bit, is it true that Usher's mom fired you as his stylist and you in turn convinced Usher to fire her as his manager?

Tameka: I never worked for Usher's mom; I worked for Usher. Now, I don't know if she persuaded him to feel certain ways about me, but she never fired me.

Essence: So does that mean you and future mother-in-law have beef?

Tameka: No, we do not. Any mother with a son as successful as Usher is going to have raised eyebrows about any woman who comes around. I'd be the same way about any one of my sons. His mother and I have a great rapport. There are no hard feelings and I had nothing to do with his decision to no longer have his mother manage him.

And, she is lying. She DOES have beef with Usher's mom. Jonetta can't stand that bitch. But as the saying goes....Ass before your Mama.....or at least according to the book of Usher.

Should you be interested, get the full interview here.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Work it Bai Ling, Work it!!!

I'm sorry but I just thought this was hilarious. Bai Ling is an actress or something...she is actually one of those people known for doing nothing but anyhoo...cameras caught her poppin and lockin, walkin it out, wiping it down, and droppin it like its hot! She looks a frightful mess but don't tell her she isn't getting all those bitches in there bodied! She even drops down low and touches the floor wit it....with a, little person (I watch Little People, Big World).

Save Dr. Preston Burke!!!

It looks like my Dr. McDreamy aka Dr. Burke aka Isaiah Washington is getting support from the gay and lesbian community because they know that firing him only sent the message that going above and beyond to make amends and making valiant attempts to right wrongs means absolutely nothing (especially if you are black in America). The fight is being led by prominent lesbian and gay activist Jasmyne Cannick. She also believes that ABC has a history of firing black people. Now it may be true, but I think that all the networks have serious issues with hiring/firing black folk because 1. after The Cosby Show went off, NBC did a poor job creating shows with black people (or any minorities) as lead characters (with the exception of Donald Faison on Scrubs and Mekhi Phifer on ER) and B. CBS just started adding one black person per show to all of their dramas (Heeeeeeyyyyy Gary Dourdan, call me boo!) and FOX has a a sprinkling. If anything, I think ABC actually provides more jobs on television for blacks than the other networks. Maybe they get rid of them extra this article, Jasmyne mentions the letting go of people like Alfre Woodard and some other people on Desperate Housewives...yeah everyone gets killed on DH AND Alfre's storyline was wack ass all hell.

All that to say, I'm pumped that someone is stepping up, not to mention a member of the community that was offended. She has started a petition and if you want to save Dr. Burke, please sign it!!!

A Boom Boom Kat! Making The Band is Back!

Last night was the premiere of Making the Band 4....this time around, the search is on for a male group (something along the lines of New Edition, NSYNC, Boyz II Men etc) and I must say, I was entertained and rather intrigued. I was wondering where all the cuties were, I mean a few popped up here and there (heeeeeyyyyy Willie!) but I'm thinking that all a few of them need is a few rounds of Proactiv, a workout/diet plan with Dr. Ian, invisalign braces to handle the teeth situation, and a whole style make-over.....some of them have real potential to be hot. As for the music, if the theme song is any indication, then I'm not impressed...then again I said the same thing about MTB 3's theme music and I will drop it like its hot to a Danity Kane song (well, a few of their songs) but what can I say....I'm a Show Stoppa...and speaking of....when I say SHOW you say STOPPA! That dude was hilarious! His pop and lock break down and non-singing ass was the highlight of the whole show.

And stop it...was I the only one who loved Sam aka She Bangs?! Asian dude had don't just be singing Luther like that and you can barely speaka da english! And am I the only mad that they let the church boy stay?!!! He can only sing that one church song!!! Just cuz Boom Boom Kat and her Billie Jean white dancing gloves got the spirit and teared up everytime he sang his one song, doesn't mean he should have been given a space in the final 20. And speaking of Laurie Ann, who laughed really hard when Diddy told her to stop talking so loud and to just shut the fuck up?!

Overall, this season definitely has potential and I think there is possibility for a group that we may actually enjoy listening to and not just be conditioned to listen to cuz we hear the song on the radio all day cuz Diddy payed for play. I'll be watching. Will you?

Monday, June 18, 2007

Random Ish....

So word has it, Trey, Will Smith's 14 year old son with his former wife is dating an 18 year old. A. doesn't Trey look like the Grinch? And 2, I have issues with the fact that she's 18 and what in the hell does an 18 year old want with a 14 year old except his father's money. I would like to think that Jada and/or his own mother is watching this situation very closely. Lastly....does she look white or just extra bright? Hmmmmmmm

Why in the hell did Ashanti let her little sister go to the prom looking like the green skittle?! (Ashanti's sister is the one in the green with the cut outs) She looks a hot ass ghettofied mess (as do all of her friends)! First of all, baby girl needs to do a few sit ups before rocking a dress that reveals stomach and back rolls. And B., why all of those pageant looking bejeweled and bedazzled pieces? And is the shawl made of table cloth material? Just why? I blame you Ashanti! Could you not have asked Nelly for a few dollars to make sure your sister went to the prom in something stylish, classy and something that actually fit her? I mean I know Ashanti hasn't had a hit album or song in forever, but damn boo, you could have at least purchased your sister a dress from Forever 21 which would have been an upgrade compared to this atrociousness. And I don't even want to discuss her hair. Do I see a white banana clip?

Well it's about damn time somebody told the truth! Former Bad Boy and lable mate Loon OUTS the Rev. Mason Betha....basically, he lets everybody know that the most recent tranny Mase was caught with wasn't the first one. Mase too is trapped in the flaming closet but he has the nerve to be up in church preaching the gospel! Thou shalt not get caught searching for trannies!! Amen, brotha, I said-a Amen!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! Um, I really have no words. Just why? She obviously doesn't read InawordFab!

Friday, June 15, 2007

Loves It!!

You may or may not be familiar with Mma Precious Ramotswe, the protagonist and amazingly intuitive detective in Alexander McCall Smith's series "The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency," but great news for current and future fans: A TV series is currently in production and is set to star the most fabulous and beautifully talented Ms. Jill Scott, which I think is just perfect casting. And it gets of the most dee-licious, sexiest, fine ass men eva, Idris Elba will also be making an appearance in one of the episodes. Who's pumped?!

If you have no idea who Mma Ramotswe is, get your mind right! I suggest adding one or two books from the series to your list of summer reading. I recommend reading the first book in the series "The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency" and "Tears of the Giraffe" and "Morality for Beautiful Girls". Enjoy!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

It Was a Gleek!

Real World Las Vegas Reunited: Episode 3

No you are a Gleek Frank. This whole reunion is fluffin Gleek. This is what happens when you get too excited about most always turns out to be for naught. What is there really to say about this episode. This whole season seems to have been mapped out, planned out and pre-written. I mean come on, Trishelle just so happens to get the suite with the stripper pole in the shower for Brynn's second Bachelorette party? So she can just so happen to say "When I took my pole dancing classes for the movie..." and then all the girls say "do it!" and then we of course get to see Trishelle looking "hot" go up and down the pole. Actually she didn't look hot at all, she looked like she was trying way too hard and there was nothing sexy about it. It was boring as all hell. And side note, Irulan, don't ever point your toes like that directly into the camera. Your bunion looks like Oprah's sixth toe.

Anyway, the boys boring ass bachelor party was just as dumb and pointless. Of course the bartenders are some random (not cute at all) possibly professional basketball players that play the guys "for the suite". Who does that? Who would make that bet? Wouldn't a better bet be losers have to cater to the winners and do whatever they it strip naked, feed them food from their mouths....I mean something, anything else would have been better than the stupidness dammit!

Then there is the silly gleek incident in which Frank spits water onto Irulan and as she chases him, she trips over the chair and busts her knee up. Alton tries to help by giving her ice and looks genuinely concerned. Irulan wants no part of it. Then they try to talk about the silly incident and Irulan says she understands where Alton is coming from. She says "I understand. You're a big, big, star and I'm not." Then she proceeds to cry and says she wants to go home and walks out. Um, WTF? Side note Alton, were you eating powder boo? You may want to invest in some Carmex or Vaseline cuz your lips were white as hell. Just keep a lil lip balm in the pocket boo, k?

Frank's dumb ass is still on his mission to be asshole of every episode and gets drunk as per usual and finds some drunk ho and then they break stuff in the house. It is just so boring and I'm so tired of Frank and all the camera time he's getting just because he seems to be (which is so utterly ridiculous) the most entertaining person in the house.

And what is there to say about Arissa and her bugging out about Frank destroying the house. I mean, I wouldn't want to live with Frank either but Arissa should know that people don't really change....and clearly she is one of them because she is still getting all hyped up over dumb shit that she can't do anything about and will only be something she has to deal with temporarily. Just pretend you are on the beach with your cat making lasagna.

I think I'm officially done with the Reunion. I'm beyond upset at the silliness and the bullshit going on amongst these people. Trishelle pre-wrote all her lines before she got there, Irulan is determined to be a fool ass drama queen, Brynn is just there, Alton is not doing what he is supposed to do to get Irulan back, Arissa is still crazy, Frank is a jackass and Steven is using his time to promote Frank's foolery.

I knew I should have watched Top Chef.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

F.U. To The Rescue!

Why someone would want my advice, I’ll never fully understand. Most times all I’m going to tell you is “Bitch shut the fluff up and deal wit it,” but since it is clear to most that I have never truly understood the concept of keeping my comments to myself or using kind words, someone thought I would be the best person to help her out. I asked her if I could post her question and my response on my blog and she agreed. So listen up bitches, this may help you too!

Hey F.U.,

You are so damn funny! You keep it so real unlike the fake people around me. Anyway, I thought you might be able to help me out with a problem I’m having and not sure what to do about. So my boyfriend is sleeping with my best friend. I started to get suspicious when she started telling me I need to break up with him because she knows he is cheating on me and that he is a loser. When I would ask her how she knows this and how come all of a sudden he is a loser (they used to get along pretty well) she would say I just know. Now this is my best friend and we tell each other EVERYTHING now she’s all secretive and has really been acting stupid. Then one day, I stopped by her house (her room is in the basement and you can see thru the top windows) and I saw them kissing. I was stunned and in shock and then all I could do was cry. They don’t know that I saw them, she still bad mouths him, and I am still with my boyfriend because I love him. I feel so stupid but I love both of them. What do I do?


Sad and Confused

Dear Sad and Confused,

Yes you are deeply sad and confused! Don’t make me add you to my list of Dumb Bitches!! First of all when you saw them kissing in the basement, why in the hell didn’t you politely knock on the door and then commence to ass kicking?!!! First you should have repeatedly kicked your boyfriend in the balls until those shits broke off and started rolling on the damn floor. Then you should have back slapped your best friend and knocked her block off and then bitch slapped her again! Then as your boyfriend writhes in pain stomp his face until it is bloody and until your foot is numb. Then calmly walked it out, went home and turned on “So You Think You Can Dance”, I mean come on Sad, this is what to do if your boyfriend cheats on you with your best friend 101. I mean duh!

Now not all situations require such violence. In many cases a verbal beat down will suffice but both of those bitches crossed the line into “Oh hell to the Naw” territory and the only penalty is serious ass kicking. And I’m ready to bitch slap your ass for a. not handling your business and 2. for still talking to these people as if nothing is wrong. Why do you love people who don’t love you? They clearly could give two shits about you and your feelings and they obviously have zero respect for you. It sounds as if you don’t have love or respect for yourself either....which is problem #1 boo. You need to work on that first and foremost.

Lastly, you didn’t mention your age so I’m going to assume you are like 15 – 19 and if you are indeed within that age range then I’ll let you slide a little bit because you are young and dumb and still oblivious to the fact that men are the scum of the earth and females aren’t too far above that. If you are 20 and older then you need to contact Shar Jackson as she is President and Provost of Dumb Bitch University....and it looks like you fit all enrollment criteria.


Should you need tips or advice or have questions of any kind and you think F.U. can help, don't be scurred, hit me up!

I Luvs Me Some JT

What a Dumb Bitch

UPDATE: So it isn't true. She's still dumb, just not dumb as we thought. "It is not even remotely true," Jackson's rep tells Us Weekly.

If the rumors are true, Shar "Wack Ass Baby Machine Stuck in 1985 With her Hazel Contacts" Jackson is pregnant with another Kevin "Just Eww" Federline baby. Just hell to the naw! According to Star Mag a source says:

"Shar wants to tell Kevin, but she keeps getting cold feet! She’s really scared of what he’ll say – if he’ll be excited or furious. She said, ‘What if he doesn’t want another kid?’ After all with her two, and Brit’s two, he’s got his hands full already! It would be Shar’s dream for them to get married and have another baby. She’d love to be living the family life with Kevin.”

I mean really, bitch? Is there no one else that you will let tap that ass? I mean were you not just on your stupid ass "Ex-Wives" show talking about how Kevin played your ass to the left for Britney "Curdled Banana Creme Yogurt Ass" Spears but how strong it made you blah blah? And won't this be like your 12th kid? And didn't Kevin only spend Christmas with you and the kids because Coochie Spears kicked him out? You know damn well he would not have been there if she didn't kick his ass out. And Didn't you just get all those nips and tucks (which only helped slightly boo) so that you can look and feel better and attract better people to your life? Is your self esteem that low? Shar, wake up girl.

I am really, really hoping that this is a lie you are leaking to the press because word out now is that Cooch and Eww are reconciling and you want to cause drama for no other reason than because you feel like it. But for some reason, I don't think you are that bright or crafty.

All I have to say rhymes with SMASMORTION...let it marinate boo.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

How Big Is Your Rock?

So I came across an interesting article entitled Diamonds are a Girl's Worst Friend: The Trouble With Engagement Rings and I thought, seriously what could the trouble be? I mean as a bitch who has been there and done that (you know, got married way too young to someone with three moms and slacker issues (among others)...shout out to everyone who bought something off the registry tho!) I did it all wrong and tho I vow NEVER to sign a contract to spend my life with someone "forever" ever again, I do plan to make the man I allow to share my space for as long as I want him to, purchase me a fabulous ring just cuz. I also plan to have a "We in Love and Stuff and Could Use a Gas Grill" party, you know just cuz. Anyhoo, back to my ring. The ring, to me, wouldn't symbolize anything except that I wanted it and my man bought it. It would be another piece of jewelry that I picked out (or at least pointed out during a trip to the mall or provided the Tiffany's ad by leaving it on the sofa with the remote to the TV on top by 'accident') and rock everyday. Plain and simple. See the guy I married before barely had a job and picked out the ring on his own. It was nice enough for what he was working with (and at the time I wore it proudly) but of course when I tried to sell it after the divorce I didn't get but a couple of pennies for it (thanks for the clouds in my stones boo!). Hence why you don't do such things when you don't have a pot to piss in AND why the whole concept of engagement and marriage is a joke.

Anyway, this article essentially says that the engagement ring is a crock of shit and breaks down how we as a culture (men and women alike) have been brain washed into spending lots of money (on average two month's pay) on something that women really wear to show that someone actually wanted to marry them (and to rub it in other bitches faces, especially if the rock is serious, and hell even when the ring is rather invisible or cubic z lookin cuz at the end of the day that bitch is getting married and you're not) and men buy because well, some of them actually have to pay for the forever ass. Not to mention all of the money that then goes into wedding bands, the dress, and the never ending list of crap that constitutes an actual wedding ceremony.

The point is that marriage (and children and the whole concept of family) is nothing but consumerism at its best. It is economic brain washing that plays on the emotions of women (and men, I guess) who long to have their day. Well as a bitch who has had her day (and is one of millions who have had their day and 2 or 3 or more days cuz they clearly didn't learn the lesson that shit really isn't better the 2nd time around) unless your man is sitting on serious stacks, save your money and travel the world with your man, buy a house, make smart investments but hell yeah, make him buy you a fat ass know, just cuz.

P.S. No I'm not bitter and F.U. too bitch!

Random Ish

Is it me or is Brandy looking like she been smokin something crackish?

Word is that Whooppi Goldberg will be taking over Rosie's spot on The View. Yes she is one of the fugliest bitches ever, but she's smart and funny and she isn't a clone for Star Jones. I mean, they have managed to find every chubby black woman available to do a guest stint on the show. They have all pretty much been Star lookalikes except they all look a billion times better and none are married to the gayest flamer ever, Al You Doin Reynolds.

And what is the deal with bitches getting arrested? I know ya'll don't even know who this is (I mean she isn't inmate 9818783 or anything altho her smirk in the mug shot looks a bit familiar), but Cheri Dennis is a singer on Bad Boy who had one song but supposedly, Diddy has decided to finally stop singing "Last Night" (and don't front, you know you pop and lock to that song every time it comes on!) and give his artists some time to shine. She is coming out with her very long (not necessarily anticipated or awaited) due album. Anyway, word is she got into an altercation with a cop and was arrested for disorderly conduct. Not cute bitch. Then again....getting arrested is like, the new hot way to get attention(and have Get Out of Jail parties in Vegas) so maybe all she has to do is cry in the courtroom and scream out it isn't right and then call Barbara Walters and tell her that God has helped her see the light and that the media should focus on the troops in Iraq and then her album is sure to shoot to #1. Well played Cheri, well played.

And this pic just made me giggle. Like she's all gold and feathery. As if she really is on the set of her Harry Potter movie.

Friday, June 8, 2007

When They Tried To Make Him Go To Rehab...

He should have said NO, NO, NO! Dammit to hell! Isaiah Washington aka The Preston Burke aka Yang's Man on Grey's Anatomy is gone forever! I mean shit, I knew after Isaiah ruined the whole glow of the Golden Globes by saying his now infamous "No I did not call T.R. a faggot" statement, that is was over for him but I was still holding on to hope. Why? Well because he is Preston Burke and he went to Rehab! I mean that is what you do when you utter homophobic and racial slurs right? Oh wait, no, only homophobic slurs. I don't recall Michael Richards heading to Promises after he spent nearly 20 minutes talking about how he was going to lynch those niggers. Mhmmmmmm....But the point is, Burke did go to Rehab to fight those demons and he still lost his damn job. I'm pissed.

Needless to say, T.R. Knight is back. So now what in the hell is George gonna do? He couldn't even pass his damn intern exam!! Meredith, who was dealing with the death of her mother, fluffin up her relationship with Mc Dreamy, Yang's wedding, and being bitch slapped by her father after her step-mother died, managed to pass the damn test! What's your excuse George? Too much ass? Izzy's titties made you lose your concentration?! Life with Callie O'Malley just too much for you?! I used to love me some George, but he has slowly become the character that has managed to become unlovable. And of course in real life, because of him, My McDreamy is gone.

Thursday, June 7, 2007


Simply Beautiful. Simply Genius.

Break out the Valtrex....

The jailbird, Paris Hilton, is out of jail after only serving 3 days. Isn't that about a bitch? I'm sure she has really learned her lesson. What was the point of even making her go? Damn us all to hell for being completely obssessed with moronic hos who do absolutely nothing but prove that they are actually smarter than all of us for learning to capitalize on doing nothing while we sit at our dumb jobs reading (uh-m, and writing) about all the nothing that these heffas do.

Bone Out Negro!

Reunited Real World: Las Vegas Episode 2

If ep 2 is any indication of what to expect for the remainder of this reunion, then my joy will soon turn into serious pissivity. I was BORED watching my favorite no-longer strangers. WTF? Frank got way too much camera time and why? Cuz the main focus was him trying to get Steven back into the pool. (And WTF is up with them not showing Steven throw that skeezer in the pool?!) For without Steven, he is nothing. He needs Steven to help get the ladies because, as I have previously mentioned, he is not hot nor cool enuff to snag the ladies on his own. Hence Steven's purpose as wing man and if there is no Steven, then Frank is left to fend for himself...which clearly almost brought Frankie to tears. Bone out Frank!

As for the "Trinty"....first of all, TEAM ARISSA! Alton is clearly lying and it would be nice if he could just man up once and for all just admit it. Like he says, who cares anymore? He is no longer trying to save his relationship with Irulan BUT he did mention he was trying to save it back then and clearly he lied in order to do that. He is also still lying (at least to Irualn) about his threesome in Australia although there is video and audio proof. Bone out Alton!

In any case, it doesn't matter now. What does matter is that Irualn's mental breakdown over dinner with Alton was ridiculous and she is clearly holding onto feelings for him and is using her new relationship and hope for a life like Brynn's to get over and repress. Not healthy Irulan.

I am happy that Irulan and Arissa did have dinner together and decide to move past their drama. I guess Alton and Arissa have made up too....although I'm not completely sure that it is over and all is well....I am actually hoping all is not well because if something exciting and juicy doesn't happen soon, I'm not going to be happy.

Trishelle and Brynn were boring. That bachelorette party better provide some serious entertainment.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

The Closet is Flaming and Ready for Your Exit Boo!

Only flaming ass, greasy lipped "How You Doin?" Ne-yo would allow himself to be photographed diving head first into the camera with greasy lips puckered out as if he is ready to sashay-chante with the next Queen that comes his way or with his "keep it in the closet" popped collar hiding the greasy lips but with the come hither I will tear your booty hole up look. If you ever wondered why Ne-yo is capable of capturing the voice of the woman with such ease (ie, Irreplaceable)just view the pics...they say it all.

Tamia - Me

Tamia is truly the most slept on artist ever. Her videos don't even come on BET (what in the hell would I do without VH1 Soul?!), but they will steady play the foolery and horrendousness of stupid ass groups like Pretty Ricky all damn day. Damn all of you to hell for not recognizing the fabulousness that is Tamia!

Douche - The Cologne - The Douche Cologne

I just thought this was funny (and I don't give a shit if you don't). I mean, when I hear the word "Douche" I am always taken immediately to Martin Lawrence in his "You So Crazy" stand-up (arguably the most funniest stand-up performance after Eddie Murphy (Raw and Delirious) and Richard Pryor (Live on the Sunset Strip) when he tells his bitch to "Douche or both of those shits"and I still crack up like I just heard it for the first time. The funny thing is bitches really don't douche or dush. Bitches (some bitches) wash their ass on a regular basis and use Summer's Eve "special" soap for extra cleansing in the vajayjay, but really, seriously, do you really douche? Oh really, bitch you douche? Well just so you know, your ridding yourself of all the good bacteria that actually helps fight off tuna, salmon, talapia, and the catfish (smell and discharge) that grows and releases in your vajayjay. And ask your boyfriend, I bet your coochie is still rotten anyway. And why I'm even talking about douching or dushing or doing both of them shits....oh wait yeah, the funny 'commercial' for Douche cologne that has absolutely nothing to do with douching or dushing. Enjoy!

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Real World Las Vegas: Reunited and it Feels So Good!

Episode 1:

I was 12 years old when the very first Real World episode aired on MTV and even in my pre-pubescence, I knew that I was not only watching these seven strangers learn to live, love, learn and grow from each other but I could feel that I was being drawn into a cult of sorts that 15 years later, I still make it my business to follow; via Tivo or one of the numerous showings throughout the week morning, noon , and night, and the marathon that leads up to the final episode and of course the reunion.

Through the various seasons and cities of The Real World, I’ve have had my share of being thoroughly disappointed, annoyed, disgusted and completely frustrated with the fact that no cast was ever going to be as great as the original New York cast (and I’ve watched EVERY season…some not as religiously, but I still watched). I mean, Heather B getting arrested, Eric being the hot model guy, Andre wandering aimlessly, Julie the original na├»ve southern girl and Kevin the original angry black man fighting in the street, Norm chiming in at all times when a punch line was needed, and Becky doing whatever it was that Becky did (strum on her guitar, I think). They were and still are classic, and no other cast, while many came close, managed to compare and even at 12 years old, I knew that.

Then came Real World Las Vegas and something shifted. The cast was made up of three, not one, or even two, but THREE beautiful black people, no one was gay, but of course everyone was HOT (well, Frank….eh). Very, very untypical casting used for this season and then this non-standard group of seven strangers were put up in Vegas! Oh it was beyond obvious that there was all type of debauchery just brewing and waiting to explode for all of us to witness. We, I more importantly, were not dissatisfied. Each and every cast member provided us exactly what we were waiting for and then some! (Again, Frank….eh).

We watched the development of true love as Irulan and Alton found their way to each other despite Irulan having a boyfriend, Alton being a “Dirty Bird”, Alton having a threesome in Australia, Alton having random sex with some chic in the “communal” hot tub….um, yeah Alton had quite a lot going on but he was in love with Irulan all the same. Sigh….wasn’t it beautiful. Fast forward five years later and the beautiful love story ended after three years of bliss, with both Alton and Irulan moving on to new relationships that we can only hope get jacked up because you have to know, Alton and Irulan will get it on. Oh they will get it on.

But then there is Arissa, who may possible ruin any chance of lovemaking between Irualn and Alton because her card carrying membership to the “Trinity” has been revoked due to a he/she said battle of who kissed who in the bathroom, um that would be kissing between Arissa and Alton and who initiated it or didn’t. Yeah, there has only been one episode so details are rather sketchy. The point is, however, that Alton has a reputation of being a “Dirty Bird”, Irulan’s term, not mine, yet in the explosive argument that took way too long to pop off, Irulan was strongly convicted that Arissa was waaay more suspect than Alton EVER was. Really, Irulan? Very interesting indeed! It is also why Arissa now lives alone, well with her cat, on the beach in CA spending her time cooking and painting. The drama and break-up of the Trinity was just way too much for her to bear and she is healing herself via large containers of lasagna. Note: Arissa is really thin and doesn’t look like she eats too much of anything, let alone lasagna. Who do you think she was cooking that lasagna for? Maybe for her boyfriend whom she very awkwardly acknowledges existed and then seemed to make up a time frame in which they have been together?

The “grown-up the most” in the last five years award most definitely goes to Brynn. The cute little girl, who couldn’t understand why Steven wanted to continually sleep with Trishelle and not her, and was so jealous and angry that in a random fight about nothing, she threw a fork at him. Thanks to Steve choosing to let himself stay (make that clear, not Brynn, but himself…confused? gotta check out the old eps) Brynn got over all that and then got really focused on making her dream come true. Go-Go dancing, yeeaahhh baby! In my personal opinion, she was not that good and I hoped she would realize that, but then she got a call because one of the girls dropped out. Dreams do come true! Fast forward five years later and Brynn, is now all Britney Spears with it – well she actually takes care of children and is still married to Austin – and has two boys! She looks grown-up and like she really is just there to see her friends and not involve herself with all the sinning that is indeed bound to take place. Or at least let us pray….for in Vegas, we know not what we do and her jugs are bigger than they ever were and I’m sure she still has the number to that Go-Go spot.

Trishelle, Trishelle, Trishelle. Trishelle, soon to be seen at a DVD store near you in the most anticipated Ninja Cheerleaders, seems to not be able to believe that she behaved the way she did on the show and would never act like that again. Whenever she speaks I am always taken back to the one time I actually remember that Frank exists and he makes one most profound statement. He and Steven are in the car talking about the scary possibility that Trishelle may be pregnant and Frank says, “You both are dumb as rocks.” How true, Frank. And Trishelle, at least, manages to prove that sentiment over and over again. Yet, this time around, she somehow has become an investor in a club (I’m sure with her Ninja Cheerleaders money) and of course, there is her “acting”. We know it is Trishelle immediately when her red high heel cowboy moon boots step out of the car and she starts strutting her stuff and smacking her gum and gives a hearty “hey boys” to the doormen. Truthfully, her walk to the penthouse was about as exciting as it got for her in this episode. Oh, but I’m not fooled you bleached blonde Ninja Cheerleader! I know you still have all that foolery in you, and I gladly wait for your release. Episode 3, maybe?

Steven has decided to become a psychiatrist. Nice!! I so won’t be surprised when his kids end up like Brooke (Real World: Denver). Steven truly seems to have matured. He is still quite the looker and yet has vowed not to have sex while he is back in Vegas. What is up with the lying people (and by people I mean Trishelle and Steven and possibly Alton and/or Arissa)?! It is nice to at least have intentions to not embarrass yourself again in front of the world, but it is what you do best! It is your best achievement to date. Embrace it. Do it again. Make us proud. Show us that in real life, people don’t really change. And yes Steven, as you have learned, condoms are our friends.

Clearly we could talk for days about the greatness that is Reunited: Real World Las Vegas. I mean, I cannot describe for you the joy….wait, did I forget to talk about Frank? I did. Well let’s see here. Frank is an idiot. He is so upset with himself for being the one that no one cared about that he has made it his sole mission to embarrass himself as much as possible this time around. He managed to “score” with some random girl in the confessional (again, taking his date to the communal area. Did he not learn after the debacle with Arissa where he slammed the door on her face?!) and then drunkenly (or not) pretend to be cool and say that the girl who may or may not be waiting for him has either left or is really stupid. Oh Frank, really, you are such a stud muffin. You really are going to be the hot guy this time around that everyone remembers because he got so much ass! That I know for sure will not happen, no matter how much ass Frank gets because he is trying way too hard to be that guy that he can’t be. It’s sad actually. I’m waiting for Frank’s “woe is me I just want to be cool breakdown.” Let’s put 5 on it that it will happen in episode 5 after he realizes that even after bringing girl after girl into the confessional, Alton and Steven still are everything (hot, cool, hot) that he wishes he could be. And enough about Frank.

So like I was saying to learn that my favorite seven no longer strangers were reuniting was a joyful moment. I was elated and boy, it does indeed feel so good.

Just Why?

See I didn't want to be that bitch that started a blog just to talk about how ridiculously crusty people are (didn't I mention I lie?), but dammit Lil' Kim if you didn't make me gag on my yummy razzberry smoothie!! Fluff is wrong with you? What in de' hale are you wearin' boo?! Did being a judge on the Pussy Cat Dolls teach you nothing?! Ok, it didn't teach anyone anything except that you aren't as dumb as we all thought you would be, but still. Sigh....why am I surprised? Are you? It's Kim and only Kim would decide it would be cute to wear a silky satin pomegranate colored teddy and tell some dummy to sew some stones onto that bitch to schnazify it while her cruddy ta-tas hang out. I dare not get started on her plastic face and her horrible roots. I still have the rest of my razzberry smoothie to drink.