Sideline Ho...

Not too many can dispute that a skeezin sideline ho's main purpose is so a man can get his rocks off with someone else other than his main bitch. I think even the sideline ho know this and doesn't care. I think a sideline is content with gettin whatever she can get out of the deal and maybe sometimes wishin and hopin he makes her the official girl. Monica and T-Boz were on the radio talkin bout groupies and sideline hos who degrade themselves etc. And no, the man never marries the sideline ho but Monica, I would just like to know why would you marry a man who keeps a sideline ho? You said it would be a major problem if you catch a bitch that fucks your man, and I have to wonder would your man have to suffer any consequences? I just love how women always make it the fault of the woman. Yes she knows he is married or engaged or whatever, but don't HE know he is married and engaged too? Don't he know he got a woman at home that he should be wipin down instead of some trick he met at the club? Then to keep the sideline ho, he is taking food and money out of your mouth and your kids mouth to buy her food, shoes, clothes, dranks, or whatever else she wants just so he can stay gettin that sideline poonnannee. Oh but I know...she threw it in his face and how was he supposed to resist, right? She's the ho cuz she has no respect for herself and she's just out to steal somebodies man. May all very well be true, but when do women decide that a man will only do what he wants to do with who he wants to do it with AND they aren't as weak or as dumb as so many of us allow them to be. They may not marry the sideline ho, prolly barely want to marry the official bitch, but they sure enough have no trouble bustin nuts all up and thru and then comin home with the poker face....and the official bitch just pretends she didn't notice that he barely beat the sun.

Twitter...When Will It Make Sense To Me?

I have to tell you guys, I'm so not a fan of Twitter. I know, fuck is wrong with me right? Like I should absolutely want to know what people are doing all fuckin day. Like I really should care that some bitch just ate a KFC snack pack and it was sooooo good, right? I mean, I thought it was completely hilarious and kind of amazing that Erykah Badu had time or even the ability to Twitter the birth of her child whom we all originally thought she named Twitty Milk, on the other hand, I'm still wondering how Solange was capable of Twitterin when she was dehydrated and fucked up on NyQuil. Do you see what I mean? I just don't get it. When did people, famous or not, become so fuckin important that every single thing they do was worth sharing with the world? On the other hand, I guess I can understand that it must just be fun to know that random people all over the world care enough to want to know that you are waiting for a cab and its cold outside. Right? I know, I know I just need to get with it and join the party. But seriously, if we're sharing every thought and every second of our lives right now, can you imagine what and HOW we'll be communicating 5 years from now? Maybe even a year from now. Will there even be a such thing called, "my private life" anymore? Anyway, for those of us not on Twitter, Diddy is currently having a 36 hour tantric sex session. See what we're missing?! Or wait...is it just me? Do you Twitter? If so, tell me why or why not. Source

Today Is...

Do you know your status?

When Were You Born?

There was some kind of study that looked at how your birth order and the season in which you were born plays a role in determining the kind of person you are. Only Child: Only children are the mega-movers of the world. They are task-oriented, tend to be extremely well organized, very conscientious and ultimately dependable. First-Born: First-borns are natural leaders. They are presidents, astronauts and CEOs in overwhelming numbers. They have higher IQs and frequently live with a sense of entitlement and even superiority. Middle Born: The middle-born tends to be a people-pleaser and usually hates confrontation. Their motto might be "peace at any price." They are usually very calm, will roll with the punches, are amiable, down-to-earth, and great listeners. Youngest: The youngest child tends to be the world's cheerleaders. As kids they're punished less than their siblings. They have strong people skills and love to entertain and talk to others. Fall/Winter Babies: Babies born in the fall and winter tend to be more active babies than spring babies and often live longer. Summer Babies: Babies born in summer often grow up to be leaders and someone others look up to. There may be some truth to some of this. For example I am the ultimate SUMMER BABY and I am a born leader. I don't know if people look up to me, prolly not, but if shits goin down, I'm there front and center and tryna run the show. Here is where things get a lil sketchy....mkay so technically, I'm the middle child but I am nobody's damn people pleaser and peace at any price my ass. I stay locked and loaded and ready for war and I've been that way since day one. Mama F.U. done had to knock my block off more than too many times cuz thanks to me, she didn't know what peace was. On the other hand, I was the youngest for 7 damn years until my mother's birth control clearly stopped working. I am most certainly a people person and love, love to entertain. And oddly enough, my youngest sibling is the complete opposite of a people person. (Luh you Weirdo!!) So does this apply to you? Oh and if you were born in the Spring I guess they just couldn't figure you out cuz they just left spring babies out. But I know some Spring babies, let me see if I can figure it out. Spring Babies: Tend to be really fake but usually nice to everybody and creative. How is that Spring babies? Yes? Source

Maybe I Need LASIK Sooner Than Later...

I think I'm the only one who doesn't see why women find Nelly so attractive. I mean, I see the sculpted body and yes, kudos for that, but I'm clearly missing something. Like, I don't get it. Hmph....well if Nelly will make you get out there and buy your man some Sean John draws for Christmas, then well done Diddy. And for those of you who just love it, enjoy.

Are You Fuckin With This?

German Scientist Jan Vinzenz Krause of the Institute for Condom Consultancy has created a spray on condom. Here is how it works: "The system works a bit like a car wash. The man put his penis in a chamber and presses a button to start the jets of liquid latex, sucked from a detachable cartridge. The rubber dries in seconds and is later rolled off and discarded like a conventional condom." The aim is for the process to take just 10 seconds but at present the latex drying time is around 20 to 25 seconds. "We're working to shorten that time," said Krause. What do we think about that? It takes a bit longer than the 5.5 seconds it takes to rip open a condom and slide that bad boy on. However, this clearly means more pleasure for both parties (I would think) and during the 30 - 35 second process of spray and dry, your lady, man, horse (you know whateva or whoevea you fuckin) can be stretchin and gettin into position. This would also mean that size would never be a problem - you know that "these condoms are too small" bullshit. It would also mean that you would never have to worry about those common mishaps such as, the condom ripped during mid-flip or searching for condoms that somehow get left up inside you and he has to do some kind of GYN exam to find that bitch. On the other hand, you literally have to use a machine to spray the condom on and machines are good for a malfunction. While your man has his meat in the car wash and you gettin all ready for an ultimate wipe down - you know joggin in place, sprayin your smell goods, etc. - the next thing you know this shit done broke down, his joint is stuck, and things done got real ugly. Talk about a way to ruin the mood. And then there is the most important - effectiveness. What if some of that stuff rubs off or what if your stupid asses didn't wait long enough for it to dry and next thing you know La'Ra'Queesha is born. While I'm not totally sold, I like the concept and I say Jan Vinzenz Krause is on to something indeed. Source/Source

Why I Hate Gum....I Thought It Was Just Me and Oprah

Best Week Ever got a new blogger, Sara Schaefer, and I like her already. Why you say? (Side note...BWE, it might be nice to have a black blogger on staff...still love you tho.) I'm happy to have Sara because in her introduction of herself, I realized we had two things in common. You see, Sara had the opportunity to interview Amy Wino, prior to the crack hive and "before her ballet slippers got dirty." She loved Amy and thought they were going to be best friends. Only problem is, Sara hates "singing-racist crackheads" and she hates gum. And I swear to goodness, I too hate singing-racist crackheads but even more so, I HATE GUM! And I thought me and Oprah were the only people on earth who did (I still cringe knowing that she had to make Jamie Foxx spit out his green gum into her handkerchief that prolly cost thousands of dollars before he won his Oscar. Who chews gum at the Oscars?!!). (Another reason I know Lady O is going to make me her god-child.) Here is the thing, I am addicted to the show "Intervention" almost like the crackheads addicted to crack on the show. But since I watch Intervention so seriously, I know that Amy Wino really does have a diseases and her racist singing, her lip sores and infections, her crack hive and her dirty ballet slippers are all manifestations of a problem that she can't handle on her own. I know she needs help. As for the majority of the people in the world who chew gum, I have no idea what the hell your problem is. Like how could you chew something over and over in your mouth that serves no purpose?! Yes, I've heard that gum taste good, it makes your breath smell good, it's a stress reliever, and for smokers it helps to have your mouth engaged so that you aren't smoking. Yeah, I know all that but here is the thing, if you want something that taste good, chew some Skittles. If your breath stinks, pop a mint. Altoids. You want to relieve some stress, take up yoga or go for a walk. Not only will you lose weight but you can find the source of your stress and learn to deal with it. And I guess I would rather you smokers chew gum than smoke, but ewww. Gum is disgusting. Nothing good for you can possibly be something that is made of rubber and chewed consistently for long periods of time. Not to mention there is possible carcinogenicity of the vinyl acetate (acetic acid ethenyl ester) used by some manufacturers in their gum bases. There are so many reasons I hate gum, but the biggest thing for me is that I have to be involved in other people's gum chewing. Say what now? Yes, I have to be involved when you chew your gum. Why? Because there are people who don't know how to chew their gum with their mouths closed and smack and chew so that I not only hear you chewing your gum but I have to see that shit too. It's fucking irritating and it makes me want to vomit. And I'm dead serious. And how about those of you that will be at a restaurant or even in your own home or the home of others and will take your gum and put it on your plate. OMFG, how dare you?! I don't think it gets anymore vomit inducing. Why do you think people want to see that piece of shit that you've had in your mouth for however long while they are eating?! And why would you want that near your food?! Not to mention you are ruining a plate! And people do this even when there are napkins in which to dispose of the gum. UGH!!!!!!!! Then there are the people who just spit their gum out anywhere. The ground, under a desk, a chair, on the train just any ol' where....I mean it just doesn't get anymore repulsive. And then what about those of you who chew with your mouth closed....I appreciate you, but then I just have issues with seeing someone move their mouth over and over again for no reason. And then there are those of you that PLAY with your gum. I watched this grown man on the train, in a suit, reading the Wall Street Journal, take his gum out of his mouth, roll it in his fingers and then take small bites of the gum until all of it was back in his mouth and then lick his fingers and proceed to continue chewing that now even more rotten, infested, gross piece of gum. I had to move my seat. I almost want to move to Singapore where they have tried to confine gum and make it illegal to chew it and you'll be fined over $6,000 for possession or use of gum. I'm seriously considering it. I know all of you chew gum and it its prolly just me, Oprah and Sara who are repulsed. I just wanted to say big ups to Sara because it is so rare that someone feels me on this....and I can vent if I want to, dammit. I'm sure all of you are about to take out a piece of Orbitz and get to smackin just because...bitches. F.U. loves you too!

Just Some Questions....

Who knew that rat piece could blow in the wind? Solo is workin her cast after breaking her foot... But um, who told her it was OK to draw her eyebrows on with chalk? Lil Kim still lookin a lil better than she's been lookin.... But um....fill in the blank: Shouldn't Lil Kim and Boom Boom Kat _____________ because one _____________ and the other got ________________?

UMMMMMMMMM.........

Mkay....was I the only one who didn't know that Halle dated the monkey lookin one from New Kids on The Block?! Seriously....how did I have no clue about this? Granted, this was in 1989 and well, even tho I still 'had the right stuff back then' I was only but a few years old....still, I feel like I should have known! More importantly, even tho Halle wasn't really "Halle" back then, she was still on the come up and cute as she wants to be....why the monkey lookin one? Even tho Jordan is How U Doin, wasn't he the hot one? I mean my personal favorite (and you know you had a NKOTB favorite too!) was Joey. Who of course was completely forgotten about when NSYNC came along and Justin Timberlake stole my heart....and I still want to wipe Justin down. OK, but I've gotten way past the point here....the real point is, if you knew about the Halle/Danny relationship, I just want to know what you know. Like were they out and about all the time? Did you ever see them kiss and stuff? Was she at the concerts singing "Oh, Oh, Oh Oh, Oh"? Source

Which Character Would You Date?

So Entertainment Weekly asked which characters you would love to date. NOT which actor who plays that character, but the character on the show. For example, everyone wants to date Jim from The Office (and I have to tell you, F.U. has love for corny white boys with messy hair and sarcastic hilarious attitudes....so I too would let Jim wipe me down.) Jim Claire One guy said he would date Claire Huxtable (I'm guessin if she weren't married to Cliff). He said: "If I had to go with my all-time TV match in heaven: Clair Huxtable all the way...That woman is absolutely gorgeous and dead-sexy smart. That she can hold her own in banter with Cosby is pretty formidable. And she is a great mother that tries to pass on values. Finally, she is an amazing dancer. Anybody who disagrees needs to YouTube the opening credits for season 2 and watch her move those hips to the trumpet. Wow. — shawshank" So I thought about it and wondered which character I would date and why. I decided that I would date Randy Watson from the group Sexual Chocolate from the movie Coming to America. Why Randy? Well for one, that boy good! He good! Did we not all love his rendition of The Greatest Love of All? Secondly, his hair is longer and greasier than mine. Like we would never need lubrication...hands just stay greasy. And lastly, I'll always be entertained. He's funny, he can dress his ass off, and is the lead singer of his own band! Ladies and gentleman....Jackson Heights own.....Mr. Randy Watson! Which character would you date?