Hands Up, Hands Up!!!

That's what was being yelled at me while my back was being harshly patted after I almost choked to death on my Cheerios. I was minding my own bidness and then I dared to scroll down and saw this shit... Ya'll know I hate to talk about people...sorry, I can't type and lie. Let me rephrase that. Ya'll know I hate a bitch who looks a mess. I have no clue who she is and I don't care. Just look at her choice of shoe, knee highs, and ankle warmers (?) with that dress. She's like a 5th grade Cowgirl Flash Dancin Zebra. Hideous. Why?

Shoot Your Stylist

That's all.

I'mma Middle Linebacker....

Do you guys memba that episode of The Cosby Show when Olivia (Raven) is in the kitchen and she's actin tough and she's like "I'mma middle linebacker"? Well, I memba and these here green carpet pics made me long for the days when Raven-Symone was nothing but adorable. Raven was at the premier of the Tinkerbell movie. It's prolly just me but Raven looks like she is indeed a middle line backer playin for Team Peter Pan. I want to like it but...at this point, shouldn't her stylist just know what works and what doesn't? We'll get'em next time Rav! And for people just like me who talk about Raven, she got to her Myspace page and said a few things. I WAS BORN WITH MESSED UP EYE BROWS, LOOK AT THE COSBY SHOW THEY GROW UPSIDE DOWN AND ON THE WRONG EYE. THAT IS MY PARENTS DOING AND MY BROTHER HAS THE SAME ONES. IM SORRY IF I WANT TO GO OUT ONE DAY AND NOT FILL THEM IN. IM SURE OTHER PEOPLE DONT GO OUT ALL THE TIME WITH THEIR FACE BEAT (MAKE-UP TERM, FLAWLESS MAKE UP). MY BODY SIZE; OOOHHH MY GOD!!!! HOW MANY YEARS HAS IT BEEN… IV BEEN ON TV FOR 21 YEARS, AND IV ALWAYS BEEN THICK…..OK!!!! NOW IF ANYONE KNOWS MY FAMILY, ALL OF THE WOMEN EXCEPT FOR A FEW, STRUGGLE WITH KEEPING WHAT IS A SOCIALLY EXCEPT-ABLE WEIGHT. WHEN I STRESS I GAIN, WHEN IM HAPPY WHO KNOWS… I HAD A LOT OF PERSON THINGS HAPPEN TO ME AT THE END OF THE SHOW, DEALING WITH FAMILY, AND MY EX-BOYFRIEND CHEATED ON ME AND I HAD TO BREAK UP WITH HIM (LISTEN TO LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME, AND SECRETS) AND LIKE ANY FEMALE WITH A PROBLEM, DELT WITH IT A CERTAIN WAY! ID LOVE IF THE INDUSTRY COULD ONE DAY UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN OBESITY AND FAT AND THICK AND THIN AND SICK. I AM A THICK GIRL, I HAVE NEVER BEEN OVER A SIZE 12, I CAN RUN, AND I TRY MY BEST TO EAT RIGHT ALL THE TIME. I AM NOT THE TEXT BOOK WEIGHT THAT THEY SAY I SHOULD BE, BUT EVERYDAY I HAVE MY OWN PERSONAL STRUGGLES, AND I THINK THAT PEOPLE NEED TO RESPECT THAT. I never called you fat Raven! I just don't want you to look like a Middle Linebacker version of Tinkerbell. I say shoot your stylist. I don't think you two see eye to eye on the looks you should be goin for. This isn't the first time I've had to address your choice of ensemble. But YES, yes I have indeed talked about your eyebrows cuz I didn't know that you were born with messed up eyebrows. But you know what Raven...that's no fuckin excuse. Not for a millionaire such as yourself. You could have been got those jacked up shits fixed and really, just keepin those shits groomed is enough. When regula schemgula people see rich people who can have an eyebrow person on call daily walk out the house with half chola/half wolf brows its a problem and we're gonna talk bouchu. And yes, I see that you really were born with upside/half brows.....I'm sorry but I don't feel bad. Fix them shits! Luh u bye!

Daily Fug: Damn U Raven

Just what da fug? No, I am very serious. What da fug? JUST WHY? Is that a sleep mask? As part of the outfit? Pushing back that nappy two toned weave? With a feather corset tu-tu that don't even fit? In the name of Lil Mama, I can't today. I can't!

Fantasia....

It's better than your performance hair and ensemble.

Oh Fantasia....

So last night, Tasia performed on American Idol. I was so distracted by her Ronald McDonald rooster coif and her bedazzled jumpsuit with the chain belt from 1997 that I couldn't focus on her singing. I tried to watch it again and still, I couldn't focus. I mean she was full of energy and trying to work the choreography but all I could think was, I really wish she would fire her stylist. This is actually a major problem. I feel as though Tasia needs a fashion intervention. It's become an emergency. Ryan even asks her what shade of red is goin on in her head and she says, "I don't know, I just tried it." NO, Tasia! If you try something and you see the result -- because you do have a mirror -- you don't walk around with your failed experiemnet! You fix it and try something better! Everything is not for everybody! I am all for trying new looks but seriously, Fanny. Like come on. You had the skunk look and now this shit. I can't. If you missed her, see for yourself. But what I really want you to look for is Simon's face while she is performing. His expression is priceless.

UMMMMMMM.....

Since when are tights and shorts an acceptable combination? Since when do shorts start from the rib cage? Or is that a denim girdle with buttons tucked in the shorts? And didn't we stop rolling the bottom of the shorts up in in 1989? Just why? I think even a 12 year old knows that this ensemble is a hot mess of Forever 21 proportions. Ticky Tacky...just Ticky Tacky! Source

Start Your Day Off With A Lil Just Why?!

Fantasia. Fanny. Tasia. Tay-Tay. WHY????????? JUST WHY???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am at a loss for words. I can't even describe what that shiteous shit on the top of her head is. I mean whose bright idea was it to dye the sides white blonde and then leave a greasy jet black rat tail on the top? She is literally Skunk-tabulous. I just wanna know why? Just why? I can't.

Now I Love Soup But....

Toni, this is ree-fuckin-diculous. Just Why? Is Campbell's paying you to look like a can of Tomato Soup (not even chicken noodle)? And you know what, I kind of feel like there may not be enough money....mkay, there is always a enough money but still. Seriously, Toni, what.the.fuck?

UMMMMMMMMMMM.......

So yeah, I watch Project Runway, but I don't know shit about fashion. So maybe someone can explain to me why the fuck Sarah Jessica Parker is rockin a ginormous blue and purple tie-dye fluffy donut? Like is this supposed to be cute? Just askin.

For Elle....

Elle, my fabulous sweet jam, is the only who can explain Kerry Washington's get up. I'm not even going to reference the fact that I think she looks like a pumpkin with a curly wig wearing burnt skin tight curtains. I mean, I'm no fashionista and never claimed to be....but you are my luv...so speak on it. Elle says: "Just wow. 14 kinds of wrong. I think I now know exactly what color burnt sienna is! She reminds me of a mermaid who sprouted from a pumpkin patch. And her clutch looks like an oversized remote control. That's all." Well there you have it bitches. If the Fashion Diva counts up to 14 on the levels of "just hell to da naw" then you have fucked up royally and need to be back slapped and beat in the head with your oversized clutch. Mirrors people....they work. For everything that is fashion, be sure to learn all that you can from Elle....she's here for you, you, and especially you.....In A Word Fab!