Thursday, January 7, 2010

Flavor Flav Might Be The Reason I Really Quit This Bitch

You know, everyday I hope to find something worth bloggin about. I get messages from some of you asking just where da fuck am I and why I'm not posting as much as I used to. There are many answers to that question but the real and most important reason is....this world makes me need a cocktail of Pepto, Alka, and a splash of brown juice. I know I say I can't, regularly, but seriously people...I can't.

I thought watching Mariah be a drunken 15 year old was enough for me. She accepted two awards more than a lil tipsy and/or after poppin special PEZ - one for her role in Precious (which she doesn't deserve...anybody could have wore a lil mustache, frumpy clothes, had a make-up less face, and sat there and looked at Precious' files) and last night she won the People's Choice award for favorite R&B singer (Ummmmm, how in da fuck did she beat Beyonce? Her last song was a tribute to Eminem being mad at her.)....

I even thought having to hear about how Tila fuckin Tequila, whose name I shouldn't even know, is spending her days getting press off of the death of her "fiancee" Casey Johnson on Twitter was enough for me.

But no, I come across this new video by Flavor Flav singing a R&B song and my Audrina eyes and slack jaw just became too much for me. Really Flav? REALLY?

I don't understand. When did delusional become the thing to be? I want to laugh - mkay, I did giggle at first but then I just couldn't. My brain is suffering from the pointless and no longer entertaining crap that is shared over and over again all day.

And then of course, just when I say I'm done, I catch an episode of Bad Girls and watch in amazement how Natalie shows how fugtasticals just need to be confident and they too can run L.A. and be friends with no names like the little brother on Moesha and have sex with a Boston Celtic who can't even close his mouth cuz his teef are too big.

I also watch Jersey Shore and have to stop myself from fist pumping, letting my rolls hang over my short shorts, and hittin up the tanning salon - SIKE. I just watch to see if Snooki will get decked again.

And because of this, I know that I'm in a vicious cycle of being addicted to the very thing that I hate - senseless bullshit. So I guess I can't ever really quit but you guys can thank Flavor Flav for my continued hibernation.

Miss u, luv u, mean it.