Haven't Missed Much

So um, thus far this week, news has been pretty redundant...I mean your basic "No Shit Sherlock" news. For example, Star "I got gastric so I could fit my obese ass into a wedding dress to marry the gayest flamer trapped in the flaming closet cuz he is the only one who would marry me" Jones Reynolds decided to admit that she got gastric. Really Bobble Head?? You really didn't just go to Fat Camp? Spare us bitch, mkay? I mean DUH! Nicole Richie admits to being pregnant. Now that wasn't DUH news but it was pretty much confirmed a long ass time ago, but I guess since she's saying it, its official. I still don't understand how a 76.2 pound anorexic pill popper can even make eggs to even create a baby but hey, whatever gets you out of jail right? She gets 4 days in jail after riding dirty down the wrong side of the highway, and she wants to be honest and say shit like "I was lucky that no one else was on the road, but I could have killed someone," she says. "It was a big awakening experience. If I could take it all back, I would ... For me, I have come to a place where I never want to make a mistake like that again. I never want to possibly take another life in my hands." I guess that's all you have to say in order to be sentenced to only 4 days despite having drugs in your system and being obviously impaired. And now she's about to be somebody's mother (word is its a boy) and for one thing that little boy is going to look like the Rat from Ratatouille and B., that kid is going to come out so nutritionally deprived and even if she manages to stay off drugs for the duration of the pregnancy, you know she is gonna be burnin, snortin and poppin with the boy by the time he's like 9. And Lionel gonna be in the background talking bout, I don't know if Nicole had a baby. Call me! Yonce refuses to admit she fell her damn face at her concert. Per People: In a roundabout way, Knowles also addresses the spill she took last week, when she fell face first down a flight of stairs during an Orlando concert, only to recover and complete her number nearly without missing a beat. "The easiest part is dancing in the heels," she says. "I don't even think about it anymore; it's just second nature. But it is difficult to dance, to sing at the same time. I have to make sure I'm in shape and I'm hydrated ... I don't want to wear myself out and get exhausted." Bitch why can't you just say I tripped on my damn cape and flew! It happens! Jelly Belly tells this to People: "No one knows why we canceled the wedding, but I can tell you that all of the reasons that everyone is speculating and writing about are completely untrue," Foster told PEOPLE Monday, but she declined to reveal more about why the nuptials were called off." Watevs.