F.U. To The Rescue!

OK so I get an email from this chic asking for help because she's in love with her boss. I was hoping to read something all juicy and exciting and be shaking my head while waiting for her to get to the part where he throws her on the desk and waxes that ass....but um nope....and since I feel it is my duty to help as many as I can...read on. Dear F.U., I'm 26 years old, single, and an Executive Assistant to the most attractive and of course, happily married, successful man. I love working for him because he is pretty much like the best boss I've ever had. As long as his travel is booked, he gets his lunch, and I screen his calls properly, I'm like his best assistant ever. He winks at me and rubs my shoulder when he appreciates something I've done and I feel like he is happy when we have to stay late and work into the night. I spend my days reading your blog for my daily giggle session and I fantasize about him. I pray every day that he will leave his wife and tell me that he loves me. It sounds so dramatic and pointless but I can't help it. I love him so much. If I could have any man in the world it would be him. It is becoming somewhat of a problem because now when he speaks to me, I don't hear anything he says. I have become very unfocused and I am literally staring at him thinking why don't you just rip my clothes off already?! I wear very professional but very cute outfits everyday, I spray on the smell goods, and I swing my hair for him any chance I get. I love him and I think he loves me and I want to tell him but I'm afraid I'm going to lose my job. I know he is married (but his wife isn't even cute), I know he is unavailable, I know he is my boss and the whole situation is unethical but I don't know what to do? Help! Thank you, Loving My Boss Dear Loving My Boss, I was sooooo hoping you were going to tell me you were in some torrid love affair with this man. All you getting is some back pats and smiles. Sigh....Girl what in da hell do you want me to say to you? You already know the basics. In your own words: "I know he is married, I know he is unavailable, I know he is my boss and the whole situation is unethical but I don't know what to do?" You don't do anything except get your shit together and do your job. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand the older, successful, hot man thing....and yes, he prolly does give you an extra pat on the back and praises you with a wink and smile but I guarantee that you are reading so much more into his actions because you are all obsessed with him. And I bet he can tell by how you look at him and talk to him that you are into him and if he hasn't tried to hit that yet, then it could be because you aren't that hot and it isn't worth his job or his marriage or because he isn't into cheating on his wife. And yeah you say his wife isn't cute but he thinks she is....you even said he was "happily married". And truthfully, if you were really bout it, you would see if he would be willing to actually rip your clothes off. If you want him that bad, maybe it is worth risking your job over but I think you are more afraid to find out that you are a crazy bitch and this man just wants you to type his memos than you are to lose your job. And since you've set your man ambitions so low that if you could have any man in the world, it would be him (Not even Idris?!) then I say go for the gold. Only problem is, it sounds to me like you might be a little Girl Interrupted/Fatal Attraction. Like you would be that bitch to get all caught up with this man, even though you know you are just his lunch time sideline ho, and then be the one to call his wife and hang up on her all day, show up at his hotels when he is away on business, and then try to kidnap the kids and boil the baby's rabbit. Oh goodness...did I just give you some ideas? Point is, if you are really serious and you didn't just write me because you are bored, I really want you to understand that it is ok to do a lil fantasizing about someone you can't have....but in your case, your boss is just very friendly and doesn't have any trouble letting you know you've done a great job. Nothing more. So how about you get your bitches together and go out somewhere and meet someone who is actually into you. I bet if you meet someone else you will be distracted from obsessing over your boss and you might actually get to keep your job. F.U. P.S. I know as soon as you finish reading this you are going to go and get him his coffee and put your ass in his face and swing your hair as you put his files on his desk. You don't really want any help. You just wanted somebody to tell who doesn't know you and can't really judge you. So if you are really ready to get your knee pads out, then just do it already. And let us just hope that you have at least 3 months of expenses saved up because I believe unemployment only pays like a third of your salary.