The Gist: BET Awards 2008

* Disclaimer: I couldn't find pics of er'body that I talk about and I ramble a bit because this show had me zonin out. So hopefully you saw, you understand, and well, you get the gist. Sometimes when you are really looking forward to something, you are beyond pleasantly surprised and things are better than you could have ever imagined. Other times, you are disappointed and left feelin like you could have had some Coldstone and watched the new show, Wipe Out. In case you can't tell, I felt the latter. The BET 2008 awards get a big boo and boo from me. While, there were some great moments, no one was absolutely beyond amazing (I won't even name people from past shows that already set the bar cuz ya'll already know) and I feel like most people were either good, mediocre, or just why? And this includes performers and presenters. So instead of giving out awards this year, I'm just giving grades. Here's The Gist. Usher kicked off the show with a lil 'Love in Da Club'. Overall, I enjoyed his performance. I thought the choreography was good but we've seen the moving floor thing before and truth be told, the whole time I was waiting for Yonce to come out. Actually....I was really hoping Monique would come out and do a routine to Freak 'Em Dress, but anyhoo....I guess there really isn't much else that Usher could have done to top his past performances (actually there is, but maybe next time?). I was more into my Cheez Its. Ursher: B+ Then D.L. Hughley starts talking. Why? He is so not funny. Not at all and throughout the show I questioned whether or not he and Weezy sipped on some cocktails together prior to the show. I mean, how else can you explain his not funny dyslexic ass? Why did he say "please remember and put your hands together for Young Jeezy?" Where did he go? Why wouldn't we remember him? Ugh...Moving on. I think I'm the only one who doesn't know the words to Young Jeezy's "Put On For My City" (and not just the I put on for my city part). Seems er'body in the audience knew all the words. Jeezy made it do wut it do and the crowd participation made it even better, but I think Kanye's appearance made it hot. Young Jeezy: A- So of course right before a commercial break, Neffie and Frankie (Keyshia Cole's mother and sister) make some kind of announcement and tell us to stay tuned for a performance from Keyshia. I have to say,I thought they both looked great....and when I say that, that is keeping in mind that it wasn't but a year ago Frankie didn't have not a tooth in her mouth and was wearing an orange jumpsuit and Neffie was a mess of gi-normous proportions. I won't even talk about how Frankie was tryna wipe down Pretty Ricky during the pre-show. But speaking of Keyshia.... She looked pretty enough...but um er uh, da hell was wrong with her mic and/or her singing?! Keyshia did not sound good at all. We know she can sing so, maybe there were some technical difficulties and they needed to turn her levels up? I don't know what the hell but I would have much rather her sing the "Sent From Heaven" song (and sound like how it sounds on my CD) than have her flip into the "Let It Go" song with the wack as choreography.....the guy standing there waiting for her not to hit that note to rip her dress off....like it was so so corny. Did somebody not get paid to make her performance a hot one?! And then all the dances in the 'Let It Go' song was like shit I do at the club. And then didn't we see this whole routine before? Well almost. Last year, Lil Kim lookin a hot Bratz Doll mess coming out from the side of the stage tryna stay relevant with her lil rap with Diddy and Keyshia when they performed "Last Night" at the BET 2007 awards. I actually enjoyed that performance and even gave it The Fun Times Award. Funny enough, this was exactly what I said about Lil Kim last year: "Could have done without Lil Kim tho. Her verse is corny and she didn't even look hot. Like if you are going to make a surprise appearance Kim, surprise us." And again, a whole year later it was the same shit. Same side of the stage, same hair, same everything. Did you notice that during the time Kim came out John Legend's girlfriend whispered in his ear something about how Lil Kim looks a hot mess and Keyshia should have spent more time in rehearsal. John just giggled. Keyshia Cole feat. Lil Kim: C- Can we just hold the presses real quick and talk about how these older women are puttin these youngins to shame. Nia Long looked AMAZING! But even more ridiculous....is that damn Morris Chestnut. Still just as scrumptious as he wants to be. I can spend time wipin that chocolate down. But for real, was Boyz In the Hood really 17 years ago?! Daaayum. Next up was Ne-Yo. Ne-Yo's not a dancer/entertainer/performer. He's a singer and a song writer. I must say that he did his thing with the choreography. I wasn't sure, but those guys with the masks on at the end, were those the Jabbawakies (or whatever their names are) who won the Americas Best Dance Crew? Doesn't matter. Point is, Ne-Yo's performance wasn't anything spectacular but I was pleased. Ne-Yo: A for effort. By the way....did anybody notice that er'time the camera showed Ney-Yo he was trying waaaay too hard to look like he was really happy to be there with his date? How u doin 101: When you are pressed to prove something, you usually waste your time and only confirm what everybody already knows. Ashanti and L.L. Cool J. present the award for Best New Artist. I liked Ashanti's old glamour look but her hair was a bit high or something....something didn't work for me. And really, L.L. why in the name of all that is your receding hair line (still yummy tho) are you putting out another album?! And Da Hell was Dream doin that he couldn't be there to accept his new artist award? Hopefully fixin his rooster lip and shaving. That was some bullshit by the way. Estelle should have won that but it is the BET awards so.... Alicia Keys performs and she sang "Teenage Love Affair". I thought she looked really cute with her wig on but she needed some earrings. She did a tribute to the best Girl Groups to ever do it. She started out singing "Weak" (one of my favorite songs ever) and I was like why does SWV look scared to walk down the stairs. En Vouge LOOKED FABULOUS! Some more hot grown ass women puttin these youngins to shame. And seriously, to this day there hasn't been a girl group that has touched En Vogue. T-Boz what were those pants? Chilli is gonna be 90 years old with baby hair. How cute was Niecy Nash?! Loved her hair and her dress! And she brought out the white kids with the ghetto names. Rayneshia. Funny. She was presenting an award for Best Male Hip-Hop Artist. Of course Kanye won and had Weezy come up on stage with him. I couldn't tell if Wayne was high but I'm sure he was. Anyway, loved that Kanye kept his speech real short and simple. You know he had to switch it up since er'body was expecting some long winded speech about how Weezy may have broke his first week sales record but he's still the best to ever do it and Ice T don't know what he talkin about, Soulja Boy is what hip-hop is all about. (In my mind, Soulja Boy is the equivalent to gum, so there is my opinion on that.) I'm just glad he didn't even go there. T-Pain looks like he belongs in a traveling circus, so that was the perfect theme for his performance...and since he believes 'this industry is his circus'. Rick Ross....to my girl GiGi who I had to rescue the other day...boo boo, supposedly Foxy is wipin' Rick Ross down as I'm sure many women do and he is clearly at 48 DD. I guess with all the rappers and such that came out this was a good one. T-Pain: F; Er'body else: B+ Sigh....Derek Luke. One of my favorite actors and sexual chocolates.....it hurts my heart to see him knowin we lost him to the milk. Yeah, that would be a white girl to whom he is married (they showed her tryna pretend she had some rhythm while Al Green was singing...did ya catch that...yes I'm hating and what? I got love for the milk. Trust me. I can still hate tho.). Anyway, he and Gabrielle Union looked like a chocolate oasis and I wanted to dip and dive in both of them. Beautiful. Um, I could have sworn I heard D.L. introduce Warren Sapp as a gospel great. I thought Warren Sapp played football. D.L. fuckin sucks. Anyway.....I'll try not to curse while I let the church say Amen! Marvin Sapp tore it up! I went to church for sure. Marvin Sapp: A+...and I'm not just sayin that cuz you can't give the church performance a bad grade and so that I can be forgiven for that incident the other day. God already knows what's good. OK. Chris Brown performs. Really, all I have to say is he let Ciara steal his whole show. AND the leg flip move they did at the end came straight from So You Think You Can Dance and not even from a live show. That was exactly the move that this chic (I actually think it was Rayven - the first girl to get kicked off) did with her dance partner in her audition and that is the exact move that got her her ticket to Vegas. Chris Brown is a cutie tho and I'm sure the lil girls loved the hearts in the rain or whatever da hell that was. Chris Brown: B; Ciara A+ The Next Generation (or whatever) came out to present an award. Cassie is friggin gorgeous....altho she can't read. Solange looked pretty too, I think. I didn't really like her hair but I think I liked her dress. I know they were telling people to register to vote, which is great, but all I could really pay attention to was the fact that Cassie and Solagne were both taller than the other boys on the stage with them. They presented the award for Best Collaboration and Kanye and T-Pain won for "Good Life". T-Pain is gross. Kanye went on to let er'body know he is one of the Kings in this game and his opinion counts....I mean, well since he won another award and T-Pain was doin his slow walk so that er'body can bask in his fugly horrendousness, it gave Kanye time to remind us all. I kinda love him. The Al Green tribute. Jill Scott, Anthony Hamilton and Maxwell did it up for Al. Jill was great as always. Anthony Hamilton minus his cheek naps. Loved it. He's actually not bad to look when he cleans up and dude can sang. Definitely needed to be in the tribute. Maxwell where da hell you been? And I saw a wedding ring. Did I miss something? He looks good....and I keeps the pumps on baby. Jill, Ant, Max: A After the singing, John Legend tells Al Green to come on up and accept his award. Did Al Green forget he was at the BET awards and was bout to thank the Academy but fixed it right quick and said of the BET Awards? Ain't no academy boo. Ain't nobody but Terrence and Rocsi counting votes. (Speaking of those two...I miss Free) Anyway....was Al's acceptance speech just a bit janky? He sang tho which was beautiful. I always ask why do people break up and turn around and make up, Al. Just Why? Black people love some Al Green. Al Green: No grade necessary. Da hell?! Lil Wayne wins an award. Mkay, so does someone want to tell me why they let Lil Wayne dress his kids in the dark after drinking a half gallon of that Sizz? Why they had on pink and white stripes and black and white polka dots? I'm just sayin. More importantly, did the whole three front rows have to get on stage to accept his award? At least he was coherent. Rihanna. She's just beautiful. Even better, she actually sounded good. Not really a fan of the "Take a Bow" song....ironically, as I thought about it, I think other than Umbrella eh, eh, the only other song of hers I liked was the S.O.S song. Oh wait, I do like the song she has out now with Maroon 5...but more so cuz both she and Adam Levine are so fuckin hot in that video. Anyway, Chris was singing along...and they showed him enough that he could have sang the damn song for her. We get it, they in love. Damn. Rihanna: B+ Congrats to Quincy on his humanitarian award. Nothing much to say here except that the man is a genius and a wonderful human being. Even more important, I think I'mma name my baby Delight. Mkay...so Ashanti comes out to introduce Nelly. Could have been real cute if she didn't come out holding the bottom of her dress. If you can't deal with a train, then have your stylist find you a short dress. And then, what the fluff was she and D.L. talkin bout?! First she said I got this...then she didn't say shit. So D.L. says, OK and then she says, we got this. And then something about she originally was taking this song but she got the good ish so she traded for something else. Yonce and Jay would have never done no bull shit like that and if they did it would have made sense and been way hotter. I hate bootlegs. But speaking of Nelly, I prefer him with a shirt - yeah his body is on point but I think he could have started out with a shirt. As for the performance....it was all good. Ciara again brought the fire and was extra cute. Fergie was aiight too. Nelly: B Lauren London and Diddy giving out an award. Lauren is adorable! As for that guy...Seriously, I love Puff. I do. As much as you want to hate him (kinda like you want to hate me) you can't because he's just fun. Did he really promote his Ciroc vodka on stage while giving out an award? Cheers bitches! Weezy F. closed the show and I was tired by this point -- tired of seeing T. Pain and tired of this long ass not as fabulous as previous shows show. And that was it folks. I was not impressed in the least. I did not enjoy myself. One big blah.... I just want to end with the following: If someone can explain to me why Keri Hilson (who is very cute) would wear that disco ball jumpsuit with a hot ass satin jacket and her hair in a mushroom, I might feel better about all of this. What am I missing? And Lil Mama is always a hot mess so this is no surprise but really, when does it end? A sports bra under a red Amish apron? Just WHY?! I'm done.