Olympics: Whachu Need To Be Watchin

So ya'll already know F.U. wishes she could be swimmin in the Olympics and that if she weren't born a giant, she would also be a bad ass gymnast poppin and lockin and flippin to a floor routine while rockin a pony with pink baby clips all around her head. And the reason, since Dominique Dawes, there hasn't been a black Olympic gymnast is because black parents are not gonna starve and do whatever they can to stunt the growth of their children and have them endure injuries at the age of 10 that will never heal normally for some Olympic medal. They would rather just send them to medical school and call it a day. Anyway, since I'm not an Olympian, all I can do is watch and be amazed. For one thing, China know that only one girl on their whole team is of the legal age needed to be competing. The littlest one - she's a bad bitch too - look like she just came out da womb the other day. But they already done shut it down and won the gold so all we can do is move on. I hear all the time that black people don't swim - altho that makes no sense. I mean do you know how many Africans escaped off the slave ships and swam their asses to freedom? We CAN swim, the problem is, most of us don't grow up with pools around us to be swimmin. And the pools they got in the hood - for some reason - don't neva have no water in it. And if it do, they damn sure don't keep it clean, so there is all kinds of black, brown, and green shit in the pool like they ain't neva even heard of something called chlorine. And then there is of course the issue of our hair. It's real easy for every other race to jump in some water and then get out and their hair dry and it looks just like it did before they got in the water. When (most) black people - women specifically - get in the pool when they get out shit ain't goin back to how it was before you got in. You gotta wash, condition, and blow dry the hair. Maybe braid it, press it, or do whatever da hell you must do to make it cute and manageable again. Hence why black women must prepare for a 'day' of swimming. Won't be no training and swimming er'day. Just not happening. But Cullen Jones done smashed it and we love him. One time for Cullen! Anyhoooo, since black people don't swim, we damn sure run like nobody's business. And no, it ain't just cuz we run from the cops and we get practice on a regular. It's cuz we are built to be fast, agile and fuckin amazin. And it is now time to move on to Track & Field. Oh its gettin seriuuuuus. Tyson Gay Asafa Powell Usain Bolt Tyson Gay, the sweetest guy ever, and ridiculously fast American is runnin for gold against two Jamaicans, Asafa Powell and Usain Bolt. Oh boy. I'm worried. Jamaicans can run their asses off. And then get to the finish line and be like take dat bumbaclot! These three are runnin the Mens 100M. This race is the definition of I am the fastest human being on earth. Here is the thing though, Tyson is currently the fastest man of all time. In his Olympic trial race, he ran the 100M 9.68 seconds. I watched this and sat mouth agape. I didn't have a chance to sit down good and put my Cheez Its in my mouth before he smashed it. He broke the world record altho there is an asterisk by his time due to the wind meter bullshit. It doesn't matter though, er'body who witnessed that had to bow down. Tyson is a fuckin cougar, jaguar, cheetah or whatever hell the fastest cat is. Tyson stays BEASTIN these track meets and I cannot wait to see how it goes down. Cuz truth be told, Usain and Asafa are not gonna just let Tyson win. Those two are serious - and um, Usain has beaten Tyson before....and his last name is BOLT! I got my Cheez Its and Strawberry Ritas slushie ready. This event happens on Saturday August 16th. Source UPDATE!!! Sigh...Tyson Gay didn't even qualify and Usain Bolt is simply out of control. He ran faster than any human AND he was so much faster than er'body else in his heat that he was able to slow down before he crossed the finish line to pump his chest...kinda like how Twitch and Joshua did on SYTYCD. I'm not mad at you Bolt. Go Jamaica!!