Thursday, February 19, 2009

Just In Case You Didn't Know...

You are supposed to wait at least 6 months after having a baby before you decide to get your body sucked and tucked, Jellly Belly. It is also prolly not a good idea to lie when you are going to be having major surgery. Mkay? That's why you almost died, snickerdoodle. How mad would you have been if you died tryna get skinny again just cuz your husband don't want you no more? Is that really worth your life? Don't you have like, 9 kids to think about?

It all makes sense now, tho. Usher didn't want you in Vegas with him while he works and you felt rejected and knew that he would be gettin all kinds of hot ass while down there. You knew no doctor in America would fix you cuz they prolly all knew you just had a baby and their instruments prolly aren't strong enough for what you needed. So you sneak away to Brazil, tell a lil lie, and your dumb ass almost bought the farm. All for some fuckin Lipo that you could have waited like 4 more months for. What was the rush boo? He's still gonna leave you.

But as I said before, this did indeed buy you some more time. So at the end of the day, you are alive, you are finally out of the hospital, and may somehow be the smart one in all of this. Actually, I doubt that. I've just hired you as the Chief Nurse of DBU (Dumb Bitch University, for those that don't know). Tell Shar an'em I say hey!



iluv... said...

DBU, WOW! Did you have a hiring freeze? I haven't read about anyone being hired there in a while. Please F,U (because DBU is the the funniest shit ever) remind me who else works there other than Shar, and diddy's baby momma (can't remember her name).

F.U. said...

Oh there is never a hiring freeze, iluv! DBU rocks on! The student population has doubled. The staff is on point! Of course there is President and Provost, Shar Jackson. There is also Tracey Edmunds, Direct of PR, Britney is Director of Student Services and Counseling, Adrienne Curry is Director of On Campus Race Relations and the Octopussy Mom was recently hired to run the campus Birth Control services. And now of course, there is Jelly Belly.

F.U. said...

Oh and one more thing, that Kelly has finally left Yonce's daddy she was let go as Music Director at DBU. She won't be missed. She never really fit in there, from what I heard. AND I forgot to mention that Supahead is still doin fantastically as Director of Athletics and Sex Education. The girls say the coochie squats have really helped!

thundacat said... that a pic of her for real??? ewwwww!!! why she look like Patra and why her belly fat hanging over her finger on the left....and she got like 6 damn kids...why u worried about belly fat stupid?? go take care of ya kids!! damn lipo and ya baby 2 months old..thats just DUMB AS HELL!!