Seeking Umbrella Holder Anytime I Detect Air Moisture of Any Kind

Are you in need of part time or rainy time work? It requires someone who watches Sam Champion on Good Morning America and/or Bill Evans on Eyewitness News because they both always know the weather and they are my favorite weathermen. How you doin Sam?! You must be a loser, not have any kind of a life, access to a cell phone, and sit outside of any and all establishments that I may enter and be prepared to keep me dry from rain, snow, drizzle and mist. Your pay will be whatever change I have in my pocket at the time. Only serious applicants need apply. F.U.