Tuesday, December 2, 2008

F.U. To The Rescue!

Seriously, imagine my delight when I learned that one of you bitches out there FINALLY needed my help! I mean, its been a long damn minute since F.U. done had to come to da rescue, so I actually feel a bit out of practice. The last time I gave somebody advice was this mornin in the train when I told the bitch next to me that deodorant works.

Anyway, let's find out what da problem is, shall we?

Dear F.U.,

If you actually put this email on your blog please don't say my name. The drama that is going on in my world right now is about two of my friends who both read your blog daily or as you would say, er'day. I consider them both my best friends, but one I grew up with so she is really like my sister and the other I met in college and we've been friends ever since. My sister best friend is sleeping with my college best friend's boyfriend. I only know about it because one night I was out with my college best friend and she was telling me how her boyfriend was gonna be gone for the weekend and that particular night my sister best friend had some lame excuse as to why she couldn't come out for drinks with us. I didn't think anything of it but then later that night, I drove past her house just to see if she would be home and her car was there but she wasn't answering the door or her phone. Then I drive further down the block and I see my college friend's boyfriend's car. And I just knew.

So I asked her about it. She didn't deny it at all. She said she loves him. She was like college friend is my friend not hers. I was like how could you say that? We all hang out all the time! She was like we do and she's cool but she doesn't have any loyalty to her plus the Jackass (college friend's boyfriend) is about to break-up with her but wants to wait until after Christmas because he and college friend already got plane tickets to see his family. Sister friend said she doesn't care if I tell college friend or not because she's gonna find out anyway once her and Jackass make it official.

WTF do I do?! I love both of them. My sister friend has never done anything like this before. Dating someone who is in a relationship and falling in love with him is something that we talk about other females for being triflin for. And then she not only does that but with someone she knows and someone I consider a best friend! Sister friend says that I was her friend first and that no matter what choices she makes, I should love her anyway. When college friend finds out she is going to lose her mind. She loves that jackass so much. This is dude she wants to marry and have a family with. And we all live in the same area so it is not like if sister friend and Jackass really have a relationship that it won't be thrown in her face all the time. I feel like I owe to college friend to tell her so that at least the Jackass loses his money on the plane tickets and she doesn't have to go and spend Christmas with someone who is a liar and beyond disrespectful.

I don't want to lose either one of my friends but obviously trying to be friends with both of them is going to be so hard and I don't have the time or the energy to deal with such drama. I just want to know what you think I should do.


Dear Anonymous,

Is this from an episode of Degrassi High? I think I saw this one. The girls decided that the guy was a loser and Salli took all her stuff out of his locker and the girls stayed BFFs forever. Sigh....Why isn't your question how to get rid of dandruff?! That I can help you with, boo!

Mkay, let's get serious here. So, wow. WWFUD? (Read: What Would F.U. Do?) I honestly don't know what I would do but I'm trying really hard to put myself in your shoes. Two best friends, in a relationship with the same guy, and the one best friend really doesn't give a shit about the other friend. It sounds to me like you have to tell your college friend. She is obviously the one in the dark here and the one who thinks that the sister friend is her friend too. As her friend, if you saw her man with some skank you didn't know you would tell her, so I think it is even more important that you tell her that the skank he is with is one of your best friends. Yes, she will be angry and she may even want to go beat up your sister friend (and I hope she does) but at least she will know the truth and she can figure out a way to get over it and move on. Easier said than done, but what else can she do.

As for your sister friend, on the one hand she is right in that as her best friend forever you should love her no matter what but on the other, she has just shown her ass on whole notha level. No she isn't fuckin your man, but he might be next! Lord knows that if the Jackass guy would cheat on his girlfriend with somebody she knows and still want to take her home for Christmas, he ain't shit and won't never be shit and he'll be cheating on the sister friend too! You could try to explain to her that she's better than this guy (they both are) but you know you can't tell nobody shit. She has to get her heartbroke a few times and get pregnant and then he leaves her for her to realize what a mess she is and what a loser he is. So let her.

And then, it sounds like, at least right about now, she doesn't give a shit about anybody but herself and it would be just a matter of time before she somehow did something to stab you in the back. I mean it sounds like you say this is completely out of character for her, so maybe she wouldn't, but I think her current behavior shows that it is highly possible. AND what would you talk to her about? How Jackass is doing the same things for her that he did for college friend? Gross. AND how low is her self esteem that she would actually think it is OK to be with this guy and wait for him to spend Christmas with his girlfriend and then wait for him to break-up with her? UGH! She's a heffin sorry ass ho! Then again, how do you stop being friends with somebody who you've known your whole life because she's doing something to hurt somebody she doesn't really feel any loyalty to. She's a sorry ho, but that sorry ho is your friend. Oh damn you Anonymous! I don't know!

The real fact of the matter is that this is not your battle. You have been a great friend to both of them. You love them both. You should tell college friend what is going on and let her handle it. Should you continue to be friends with sister friend, well then you can't invite them both to the sleepovers anymore. You'll have to pick and choose who you feel like going out to drinks with. And since college friend is bout to be single - whom I can guarantee will be tellin Jackass if he liked it he shoulda put a ring on it - and sister friend is about to be 'booed up', you and college friend will prolly be spending way more time together. Not to mention, college friend is going to need you now more than ever. There is nothing like a best friend to help you through your heartache. And something tells me that as what happens with many friendships, eventually you and sister friend are going to realize that you have grown up and grown apart. These are the experiences that help you make room for those that deserve a place in your life.

That's all. I know I didn't help but dammit I tried. Let me know what happens. Please tell me that college friend bust some windows.


If you have any further advice for Anonymous or any thoughts, please feel free to share.

UPDATE: My girl iluv left a comment saying that both friends read this blog er'day so they will know whether or not Anonymous tells either of them. And you know what, DUH! Thanks for pointin that out iluv, cuz I totally zsugshed over that part because you know, of course they read the blog everyday, who doesn't? AND I was so wrapped up in really trying to help that I think Anonymous 'used' me to tell her friends for her. I mean, obviously she's still going to have to deal with the drama of this hot mess of a situation BUT I get it now.....

So listen sister friend, you really are a skeezin ass ho and I just want you to imagine what it is going to be like when this shit happens to you. Cuz it will. And seriously, I want you to dig real deep and figure out why you would want to be with someone who could cheat and disrespect someone you know. You deserve to get your ass beat but it won't help. Keep readin the blog. You may learn something.

College friend, he's a loser and you are better off without him. I know you are going to be LIVID and hurt like you would never believe you could be hurt but the great part is that the hurt eventually goes away. I personally hope you rip dat bitch's wig off and beat the shit out of the Jackass's car, however, they will get what is due. In the mean time, your friend Anonymous is on your team, and this is happening to make room for the real friends and the true love that is on his way. And keep reading the blog. Luh u, bye.


Anonymous said...

i agree with f.u. 'sister' friend sounds like her character is lacking, and i believe that you eventually become the company that you keep. step away from the hoe!

iluv... said...

F.U, she doesn't have to tell college friend because if both of her BFFs read your blog everday like she said, college friend will learn about this by tomorrow. Now what she may have to do is some explaining as to why college friend had to find out her man ain't shit (which she probably already knew) on your blog.

As for sister friend, I hope that ass kicking she gets from college friend knocks some sense into her if she really believes this man is going to be with her AFTER he spends X-MAS with college friend and his family. Who does that? That is nothing but GAME.

F.U. said...

Indeed Anonymous! Step away from the hoe!

And iluv you are sooooo right! I totally missed that whole thing about them reading the blog er'day - well I didn't miss it but I didn't make a connection. I have to do an update. Thanks boo!

Geoffrey said...

There's an old negro spiritual that says "Let The Work I've Done Speak For Me". There's a two faced hefer and dude who's work is speaking for them.

THe author of this letter should stay out of it and oput these people actions away as a piece of mind candy to suck on later. Because these people will show up and show out later on in her life.

Miss P said...

you tell it F.U.! straight, with no chaser!

The F$%K it List said...

This really is a hot mess.

I would tell my friend period, cause in my head home girl would totally be checking for my mom next.

F.U The update was the best but I see you trying to be all diplomatic and 'ISH! hehehe