If I See Any of You Bitches Rockin a Turban!!!

What in the Sadaam Hussein SoHo Taxi Cab driving Hell is Yonce really tryna say rockin a turban?!! I just know I'm gonna see one of you heffas rockin a turban talkin on your new Samsung B phone....and when I see you, please be prepared for the Osama Bin Laden elbow to the back of your neck. Just wait for it, mkay. Thanks C&D!

Greasy Acne Spice

All I really have to say is EWWW and damn you Posh for not using your bazillion of dollars to hit up Pro-Activ....you need to be drinking that shit.

Just For Giggles....

First of all, how many times has Britney been the subject of my Giggles?!! And B. What in the Sam Hell, Vicodin, Red Bull, Angel Dust, Meth, X, Cheetos, Jack Daniels Fluckery is going on with this donkey's hair???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just don't understand. I just don't understand. Oh someone help me make it make sense please! Why does her hair look like the head of a Barbie when you cut all the hair off and there is nothing but holes left in the head? Oh...good gravy, I'm letting it go....I'ma just keep gigglin.

When A Fugster Is Bitter Cuz He Can't Pull A Hot Tall Chic

Oh Fugly Will.I.Am.....it must be so hard to be a crusty monkey with yellow teeth and a face not even his mama could love....so it is understandable that he gets no love from hot tall chics. You see, Fugly Will gave an interview to KING magazine and well, he said a few things that I thought to be interesting. Being a hot to def 6 foota myself, I know what it is like to not even notice Fuglys but more specifically, I don't even see you if you are under 5'11...and even then I might have to look down a smidge to find you. But dear fugly Will, when you blame your reasoning for not appreciating the vertically superior on the following: FW: I just like ‘em short. I like em so I can spoon em in the bed. So, I can snuggle. I dont like long ass legs. Like, what the fuck? KING: I’m guessing you won’t be climbing any models? FW: Hell No. They skinny. They legs [are] all lanky and shit. Fuckin, taking up the fuckin blankets and shit. They fuckin’ taking up the bed. Nah, homie. Taking up the bed boo? Since when do skinny people with long legs take up the bed and the blankets? Seems to me like you WISH you had a long, lanky hot bitch in your bed. One can't help but not believe you. Oh Fugster, when you say silly stuff like that you only prove that no matter how much money you have or how many records you sell, a hot to def tall chic is simply not fuckin with you and has hurt your feelings on numerous occasions. And you lie and say you are 5'10....let us all just note that men lie about their height ALWAYS, so when a dude tells you he's 5'10 that really means he is 5'8 and 3/4 AND this particular fugster is in the entertainment industry and we all know they are midgets, so that means that fugly Will is like 5'7 and 1/2. Anyway.....let's say you really do have an aversion to the modelesque female and simply just like "Shorties" as you say, because they are "packin"....I can believe that because there are some hot shorties out there and yes, shorties do sometimes have ass for days, but then when you say shit like: KING: Anyway, who’s in your top 5, hot and alive? FW: Jennifer Love Hewitt - she’s like pretty banging. Rosario Dawson - she’s even more banging. Salma Hayek -before when she was a mom, extra banging. Rosie Perez....they used to bite Married With Children. Her name is Nikki Cox. Then I know for sure that you are sadly insecure and have not only been turned down by tall chics but you have been shunned by black women. I mean, I understand it cuz look at you but still....maybe now I feel a lil sorry for you. I mean, you actually said Jennifer damn Love Hewitt was in your top 5!! Are you fluckin kidding me???!! Now I'll give you Salma and I wll give you Rosario but then you say the red head freckly bitch Nikki Cox?!! I mean, at least she's hotter than Jennifer but still man....I think even I expect more from a fugster than that. He asked you who your top 5 was...like any woman in the world that you could have and you say the Mutha Fluckin Ghost Whisperer! UGH, I guess fuglies have to lower their standards in the dream world too simply knowing that even in a dream world, no one wants you. Anyhoo....there is more to Fugly Will's KING interview should you want to read it. If so click: When DNA fails you. Thanks Bossip!

Tweet's Coming!

Ok so I don't like the song that is floatin around the web and yes Tweet's last album sucked BUT I still listen to Southern Humming Bird like I just bought it and I still listen to Smokin Cigarettes like I really do smoke cigarettes and am nervous and trembling over a non-existent Ne-groy-dian...yes that is how dope Tweet is. And she's working on her new album called Love, Tweet...2008. Can't wait.

Charge It!

Are the baby celebs taking over or what?! How cute is Jessie, Bessie, Daisy Duke, Delilah Mae -- or which ever one this is --holdin her Daddy's AMEX?! She is like look, I want everything except for those ugly ass onesies that House of Doo Doo is making. Just hell no. Running shit and living the fabulous life at age 6 months....must be nice.

Chocolate God and Goddess

So um, don't know how old or new this is (and don't really care) but I came across this most dee-lish-us ad for PZero Nero line of Pirelli tires featuring Naomi and Tyson....these two just know how to make it do wut it do....all chocolate and hot and nekkid in a big ass tire with sneakers on....makes me wanna do sumtin naughty....in a tire but with rims....eatin a Hershey bar...no...make that M&Ms....with some flip flops on....ooooohhhhh, yeah I like it. I like it a lot.

Pics O' The Day

I had no idea Wyclef could help make a pretty baby....I was flippin through the new Vibe with Weezy F. Baby on the cover (his feature article is pretty interesting...like we learn that Weezy gets terrible migraines which are usually associated with genius...oh really? Yup, news to me too.) and the first ad is the new Gap RED with Wyclef holding his daughter Angelina. I had to stare at it for a minute because that little girl is sooooo pretty. I love her! And she doesn't look like her mama but she does kinda look like Clef. She's like on Baby Z's level and they are pretty much the same age....how cute would it be if Baby Z and Baby A grew up to be hot Ethiopian/Haitian best friends?! I love it already! And speakin of Baby Z....she learned how to say stop harassin me, damn! And hit 'em with the fuck you!!! Ya'll know her mama taught her that. That's right Z....let em know.

KLS: Why Do We Have to Tell Jerome?!

Have I mentioned that I LOVE me some Aoki Lee?! Ok so this episode of Life in the Fab Lane was all about the creation of the Ming Lee & Aoki Lee Baby Phat Girls Spring 2008 collection and Kimora left it up to the creative directors (Ming and Aoki) to tell Jerome (the designer) what kind of line they wanted and how they wanted it done. So at the initial meeting Aoki was really like, um, why do we have to tell Jerome? But once she saw that Jerome was ok and could handle it, both Ming and Aoki got to work talkin bout what they liked and what they wanted their line to look like. They both like pink but Miss Ming was all about the pink diamonds at the end of the chains, and Aoki wanted a space theme but no aliens and Ming was like, but you could do cat aliens. Those girls are just way to fierce! Then when Jerome gets it all together, it is time for him to show the girls his creation....Aoki was like mkay, I'm giving my approval. Then she went through each page and was like this is approved, this is approved. Then Kimora says do we love it? Did Jerome do a good job? Aoki says, we like it Jerome. Kimora is like oh well, we don't love it, we like it. Basically, Aoki says it will do. Sigh....my heart is just all a flutter with adoration for that little girl. She is four years old and already prettier, smarter, and more fabulous than most. She is never at a loss for words and never sees the point in mincing words and she's bossy. I love it. I just love it! So anyway, I discussed my thoughts on the actual line in a previous post a few months ago. To refresh your memory and see pics click My Favorite Lil Divas!

Vh1 Hip Hop Honors

The fourth annual VH1 Hip-Hop Honors tribute was held last night at the Hammerstein Ballroom and will air Monday at 10 p.m. ET on VH1. It looks like it is gonna be a good show....first of all Tracy Morgan is hosting and he's a mess. But the tribute to Tribe looks like it is sick with Common, Lupe, Pharrell and others....then Keyshia, Eve, Ciara and Tweet perform to show love to Missy and Snoop is also honored too. Fun times.