My Something New and His Dick in the Box!!

My last video post of the day...I promise. But looka here....one of F.U.'s boyfriends Justin Timberlake is set to perform (w/Adam Sandberg) the SNL Dick-in-the-Box song/skit which garnered them an Emmy nomination. Fox hasn't given final approval as of yet but word has it they are just trying to get around bleeping out the word Dick which is used 16+ times in the song....I will be watching anyway, but now I will SO be watching. September 16th on Fox. For all of you living in West Cattachoochie and don't know what SNL or Dick-in-the-Box is....Enjoy!

Baby Hairs & All...This is Why We Love Jenny From Da Block

What do you think Jenny's response is when asked to "Defend her outfit"?

Just For Giggles....

For my bitches who watch THE OFFICE (one of the most HIGH-FUCKIN-LARIOUS shows on TV) you MUST watch this clip....what did our friends at the office do over the summer? Sooooo funny! Y Tu Mama Tambien bitches!!!

S.T.O.P.I.T!!!!

I KNOW ya'll memba the lil boy group Another Bad Creation....why they tryna come back and got a bootleg ass video on You Tube...no to mention the song is horrendous....they said "Aisha we grown now so can we hang?" AND not one of them is cute anymore...Chris is a chubster and Ro-Ro is like 4'3 and 3/4.....wow. Why couldn't they just hang out on Clark Atlanta's Campus and sell incense like The Boys?

Only If You're Ready For The REAL THING

Jill Scott is on her way bitches!!! SEPTEMBER 25th!!! The titles of the tracks alone are enuff to make me pre-order this bad boy....um, track #15 is called Celibacy Blues....I know Jilly, sometimes the tickler is just not gonna cut it! We of course already love the first single #4 Hate on Me....yes Jill, they know not what they do nor do they understand that hate only makes us that much hotter (we love the haters!!!). Between Jill and Alicia, my fall/winter is setting up to be musically toasty!!!

Favorite Pics O' The Day

Love me some Brad P and Baby Z!

Just For Giggles....

WHEN THE BABY HAIRS ATTACK....

And in Even More White People News...

The Evil Leona Helmsley left her dog, Trouble, 12 Million dollars in her will. According to the NY Post, "She also orders "that when my dog, Trouble, dies, her remains shall be buried next to my remains in the Helmsley Mausoleum." Which let us not forget, must be steamed cleaned once a year. Two of her grandchildren, Craig and Meegan Panzirer, didn't get shit "for reasons which are known to them." Here are just some of the other details of her will: Helmsley's will leaves her brother and the dog's new keeper, Rosenthal, $10 million in a trust and another $5 million outright. To her grandsons, David and Walter Panzirer, Helmsley left $5 million to each outright and another $5 million in trusts - but with a catch.....The sons of Helmsley's only son, Jay Panzirer, have to visit their father's grave every year, the will says. The pair "shall not be entitled to any distributions from any trust . . . unless such beneficiary visits the grave of my late son, Jay Panzirer, at least once each calendar year, preferably on the anniversary of my said son's death," the will says. "If David or Walter fails to visit the grave during any calendar year, her or his interest in the separate trust established for her or his benefit shall be terminated at the end of such calendar year and the principal of such trust . . . shall be disposed of as if such beneficiary had then died." This bitch is off the hook even from her steamed cleaned mausoleum! How does the dog get more money than anybody?! This bitch is a billionaire and she basically gave pennies to her 2 grandkids and then the other 2, even on her death bed she couldn't let her grudges go and give them at least a coupla hundred thous...dayum Leona. She also has 12 great grandkids that weren't even named in the will at all. Who wants to bet that Trouble will be dead "by accident" in a few months..... her family is damning that evil bitch the depths of hell right now. And she's smiling and nodding with her dead plastic face. .

In White People News.....

Not sure if you all know the background of the Tom Brady/Bridget Moynahan drama but short story even shorter, they was together for like 3 years broke up and you know when you have to have that once last break up fuck before it is officially over? Well a baby was conceived and three months later (after the break-up) Tom was already fuckin Gisele Bundchen and Bridge was pregnant. Tom was not breaking up with Gisele cuz um, she's hot and he was done with the Bridgster. Nine months later baby pops out and Tom tells his team and everyone that his son's name is Jonathan Brady. WRONG! US Weekly is reporting the following: Tom Brady was mostly absent during Bridget Moynahan’s pregnancy with their child (born August 22), and now that’s not the only thing that’s missing. The actress, 36, decided not to include her ex’s surname when naming her son. A rep for the actress has released a statement officially announcing the child’s name as John Edward Thomas Moynahan. Pick your face up Tommy! I mean she got the "Thomas" in there but it isn't even the middle name, its the third name that no one will ever say or care about....she basically let you know that neither she or her son needs you or your name boo. Gotta love a Baby Motha!

Just For Giggles....

See I saw this pic a lil while ago but thought it was photoshopped because this pic is WRONG on SO many levels and ANTM winner Dani would not DARE....but um, word is that this pic of Dani is real. WOW! LOL!!!!

Ya'll Memba KeKe?

So KeKe Wyatt, the singer who had the hit with Avant "My First Love" and she caught a case when she stabbed her husband (although she says she was never charged) is back with a new album called Ghetto Rose. Now vocally, I love me some KeKe Cutta so I'm actually looking forward to what she's putting out and when she disappeared after she sliced and diced her husband I was really like DAYUM this is when bitch needs to put an album out. I will be quick to pop and lock to a "fuck wit me I'll slice off your shit" song....and I mean I will drop it like its on FI-RUH!!!! Anyway, now that KeKe Cutta is out of hiding, Essence.com has interviewed her to find out what's been good with her. She's funny kinda sorta....she found Jesus (as everyone seems to do when shit is going wrong) and she is also biracial and has a white mother who calls her and her brothers and anyone else nigga....yeah, I was turned off but take a look at some excerpts and to get the whole interview click: KeKe Cutta. Essence.com: Would you say that’s what happened between you and your husband when you were arraigned for stabbing him? K.W.: I started my life as a woman at 18. I got married, had a family, and things didn’t quite work out the way I thought they would. You have a fight and crap happens. It made Keke Wyatt really big; my album was in the Top 5. And, of course, it got broadcast to the world, not just in the States but also in Japan, Korea and Europe. Man, everywhere I go—I’ve been touring over all those countries—approach me and say, “You stabbed your husband?” I’m like, “Wow, so you guys heard it all the way over here in London, huh?” And women would tell me, “Ohmigod we prayed for you.” I’m like, Ohmigod (laughs). But I mean, I think it’s cool. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a bad thing to know about me, but at least you know me. Obviously, I was something to somebody, because, they ain’t gonna put your business all over the world if they don’t care. Essence.com: Do you ever feel awkward when people ask you about the incident? K.W.: No because I feel like I chose this lifestyle and people are going to be in your business. I did something stupid and it got broadcast all over the world and I have to take it. Some people come up to me and say, “Girl I would have done the same thing, so I don’t blame you!” But I don’t promote violence so don’t do what I did. Essence.com: Are you and your husband still together? K.W.: I’m with Jesus, that’s my man. Essence.com: You’re with Jesus? K.W.: I tell you what. I know God ain’t gonna lie to me, I know He ain’t gonna cheat on me, I know He’s not going to abandon me, I know He’s going to take care of me and make sure that I have everything I could possibly need and want. So who needs another man if you got that? So I’m cool just raising my family and doing my thang. Essence.com: There’s nothing wrong with that. Are you divorced? K.W.: When it’s time to put my business out there, I will. I don’t think it’s anybody’s business if I’m still divorced or married to him. All that matters is that, yes, there was an altercation; yes, I did some things; yes, he did some things; and you can come to your own conclusion on it. If I’m saying yes, then think what you want to think. I’m not going to say, “Yes, I stabbed the n-----; I tried to kill ’im!” I’m not gonna say that because I’m a lady, I’m going to die a lady, and I have respect for myself and others. Essence.com: Do you have advice for women who might be in an unhealthy relationship? K.W.: All I have to say to all the women who might be in a bad situation, whether it be domestic violence or him cheating on you or beating your children or strung out on drugs or abandoning you, just get on your knees and pray. If you don’t know who Christ is, just talk to Him for a minute and see if He don’t open your eyes and clear up some stuff. ‘Cause I tell you what, He sure helped me, He really, really did. Essence.com: What is the biggest misconception you think people have about you? K.W.: People always say I look really different in person and ask, “What are you mixed with?” Then when I tell them they say, “I thought you were all Black!” I get that a lot because my mother is Caucasian and my father is Indian and Black. Essence.com: Do you identify as a Black woman? K.W.: I am a woman. I ain’t like Tiger Woods. The truth is I’m 25 percent Black. I claim to be Black, Indian and I claim to be White. I’m all of it. If you ask me, “What are you?” I’m going to say, “I’m a woman.” I stand up for all women. I don’t care if you’re Black, White, Chinese, whatever. I don’t know what my mama put on my birth certificate…. (Laughs) Essence.com: So did your mom ever discuss race with you? K.W.: I know when I was a little girl she would never let me and my brother watch movies that criticized Black people or where White people treated Black people really disgusting, like Roots. She didn’t want us to see how White people treated Black people because she probably thought we might start hating White people. Essence.com: Was she afraid of how you and your brothers might perceive her? K.W.: I used to tell her we’re not blind to the fact because we’re sitting there listening to people call her a “n----- lover” or accusing my daddy of being a “sell out” because he’s with a White chick. I told her she didn’t have to hide that stuff from us because we did see and hear about it, and kids did treat us differently. Essence.com: Did she ever talk to you about the N-word? K.W.: My mom was raised around African-American people all her life. She can cornrow and everything. All she knows is the African-American way of living, because her stepfather was Black and she was raised by his family. She will use the N-word like it’s going out of style. I say, “Mama you can’t just go around using the N-word,” and she’s like, “I don’t give a damn. I say what I want to say. N---a ain’t no color, it’s an ignorant person.” Essence.com: But that word is still synonymous with Black folk. So you couldn’t watch Roots, but she used the N-word around you and your siblings? K.W.: No, she doesn’t say “n---er,” she says “n---a” and says it in front of everybody, every day. She has always said it since I was a little girl. Hell, I thought my name was “n---er” for a long time. We never thought about it being a bad word. Essence.com: Wow. So she didn’t want you to watch Roots, but she referred to you and your brother with the N-word? Do you think it’s time for her to stop using it? K.W.: People should feel free to say what they want to say as long as they don’t use it to hurt other people. I don’t think “n---a” is a bad word. I don’t think it’s directed toward people of color. Now, the word “n---er,” if you call me that, I will kick your a-- because now you’re trying to be nasty and hurt my feelings. It depends on how you’re using it. Essence.com: But do you really think it’s enough of a distinction between the two to make exceptions? K.W.: Yes, because back in the day they were saying it with the “er” on the end. I think it’s just like saying Negro, because the word in the dictionary it means “ignorant person.” Essence.com: Yes, and many people still believe that “ignorant people” equals “Black people.” K.W.: At the end of the day, you’re the one who is ignorant. I don’t think people should use the word so much. I hate how everyone thinks that Black people are beneath them, even Asians, Whites and ...Mexicans. No, I’m not all Black, but I definitely stand up for the Black people. They’ve had it rough, they can’t help the fact that they’re skin is dark, or that their nose is a lil’ wider or that the curls in their hair might be tighter than yours. I don’t think that it’s fair for people who look like me with the light skin, pointy nose and the pretty hair to think that dark-complected people are any less than them. Who am I? I’m not better than you. I breathe the same air and I bleed the same blood. Nobody is better than anybody else. We are all in this struggle called life. I think brown skin is beautiful because people like me have to lay out in the sun to try and look like you. My best friends are Black—Black-Black—and I think that’s so beautiful. I think that’s why I decided to make my children Black. I could have married a White dude or got with a White man and my kids probably would have looked completely White. That’s not what I wanted. Now, they can go outside and get a for-real tan (laughs). I think Black is beautiful. I stand for the African-American people until the day I die.

Who's Pumped For Alicia???!!!!

First of all, since when did Alicia become HOT 2 DEF?! I mean she was always pretty and er'e thing but AK looks GORGEOUS right now. She has stepped her "look" up ridiculously....SO can't wait for her album to drop.

HMMMMMMMMM.......

So um, Polow Da Don (producer) gave an interview with AllHipHop.com and made the following statement: AllHipHop.com: Now, you call yourself the “King of All White Girls.” Elaborate on that for me. Polow Da Don: Just the “King of the White Girls.” I ain’t self proclaimed but I run with it. [Laughs] There was a stage in my life where I went crazy with dating white women. I have nothing against black women, but they’re raised differently. White women are raised to respect and serve their men. Black women are taught to question [their men]. Black women look at submission as being weak. White women look at submission as being a woman. And anyone who has a problem with this statement is ignorant. Just look at the divine order; it goes man, woman, child. Mkay....see I'm not even offended by this ne-groy-dians ignorance. One should never be offended by someone who speaks out their ass....clearly only shit comes out. He, unfortunately, is another black man made to believe that a woman who chooses to respect herself as opposed to respecting her "man" first is what is important in male/female "relationships". I was unaware that being a woman meant being submissive. And let it be understood that in this dumb fucks brain, BRAIN is very much a part of being submissive. This is the jackass who told Complex Magazine: "I'm the 'King of the White Girls,'" proclaims the 28-year-old producer who now goes by Polow Da Don. "My boys would give me junk about it, but [the white girls'] head game is on a different level." So basically a white bitch will let him treat her any type of way, then suck his dick without asking where its been, then get up and iron his shirts because they serve and respect their men. Well mkay, white bitches. Make it do what it do then. If that's the definition of "woman" based on this fugly ass' assessment, then ya'll are more "woman" than I'll ever be. And I LOVE THAT.

MTB4: CHECK

Sooooo oddly enough, I don't really have much to say but um.....do ya'll remember when I said if I had to pick my band today my band would be Q, Chubb Rock, my boo Willie and that damn Glitterrati aka Robert? Well people, MY band was chosen...with the addition of that little turtle boy Brian but I'm not mad...we've already discussed that every group needs a fug and a fuglier and we have that. More importantly, I believe the group that was put together is extremely talented, very unique, and I like the swagger that each of them bring...well done Diddy. Well done. Now as for the show itself....yeah, um, I guess it was aiight. I knew cornball Dyshon was getting elimated first. He didn't even sound good when he was singing and his white jacket thing ruined it for him a long time ago. I knew tall Brian wasn't making it just cuz he never fit in, I don't think he looked the part, and when he got stank with Ank and was mad about the hair cut, he sealed that deal right then. Jeremy was too soft and DeAngelo....braces or not is DeAngelo. Now I just knew Growing Up Gotti was gonna make the band so I was REALLY surprised when Diddy called Q and not GUG....BUT I think once Diddy learned that Donnie was voted #1 by the fans to make the band he decided to make him the Justin Timberlake of Bad Boy and the band the newest version of New Edition. I like it. I think it is smart and I think both Donnie and this new group are going to do very well. Aubrey looked extra stank with her extra blonde hair. Wasn't really feeling D. Woods hair either but I guess it was nice to see Danity Kane all together. I hope its true that they are putting out a new album....but time will tell with that one. Boom Boom Kat's replacement Jamaica did the choreography for Eve's Tambourine video...she's no Laurie Anne but I think she's a good 2nd. All in all, this was a GREAT season. I'm pleased with the outcome. Now let this be the end of Making of the Band forever mkay Puff? Thanks boo!

Venus is All About EleVen

First off, Venus and her hair look GREAT. And B., 11 or eleVen....is the name of Venus' new sporting clothing line. 11 is the house number that Venus and family grew up in when they lived in Compton. Anyway, Venus partnered with Steve & Barry's to create this line and nothing cost more than $19.98 and I believe that includes the sneakers...yeah .and about the sneakers....mkay...um, I guess if you really play tennis they are perfect 'tennis shoes'.....let's leave those on the court people, please....or for running to 7 EleVen....get it 7 EleVen....HAHA...Oh the hilarity! F.U. girl, you are too funny! Just stop it!

And It's On....ANTM: The New Bitches

So the next generation of wanna be models have been revealed....yeah, um let's hope the season is better than this wack ass boring picture....I'm not impressed. Although, I haven't been impressed with ANTM for a few seasons now....yet, you know I will be in front of my television on time as per usual. It looks like I could be happy with the minorities this season....so far I have my eye on: Ebony, 20 Lisa, 20 Saleisha, 21 Sarah, 20 Oh um, and Sarah is the plus sized model......

When Will People Learn Crack is WACK?!

UPDATE!!! Per PerezHilton.com, Amy contacted Perez and said the following: Below are our communications with Amy, unedited. Amy Winehouse: “Blake is the best man in the world. We would never ever harm each other. Take back what you said on the blog. I thought you was my girl. I was cutting myself after he found me in our room about to do drugs with a call girl and rightly said I wasn’t good enough for him. I lost it and he saved my life.” Text #2: “I’ll be alright. I need to fight my man’s corner for him though. x” Text #3: “For the last time he did not and never has hurt me. Say I told you what happened on your blog. He has such a hard time and he so supportive. Please make amends. Kiss. Amy x” A while later, Text #4: “Please can you put up the truthful version straight away? It’s bad enough that it’s been there that long. I know you love me but he deserves the truth, he is an amazing man who saved my life again and got cut badly for his troubles. All he get is horrible stories printed about him and he just keeps quiet, but this i too much. Thanks girl. Amy” We have obeyed her wishes. Yeah, this bitch is strung the fuck out. Amy Winehouse and her husband, both crackalishes and coketastic, got into a brawl with each other and well, shit got ugly. Daaayum! But they still in love and stuff and Amy is saying that the husband saved her life.....Mkay boo. This is why they tried to make you go to rehab dumb ass.

Just For Giggles....

Look at T.I. and his girlfriend....my bad, I mean Lloyd posin' for pics. Lloyd is all smiley and giggly all cuddled up under T.I.'s arm...thinking bout the things he wishes T.I. would do to him....Lloyd, just so you know, the exit out the flaming closet is that way boo....exit in the rear....exit in the rear.

If You Must Upgrade Your Man....

One of my most favorite couples....scratch that, I don't really have favorite couples. I guess what I meant to say was, one of the couples I most enjoy seeing out and about and learning about is Nas and Kelis. Individually, I respect them both as artist. Together, it is obvious that they clearly respect, adore, and love each other and in my opinion, represent a level of black love that many [black] people are never fortunate enough to attain. I love that. I can also appreciate that we don't see them out and about just anywhere and when we do, it is usually in support of each other. I also love that they aren't afraid to show affection towards each other but we never see them tonguing each other down. They are fabulous, classy and normal. I think they epitomize that Fab song...you know, I'm a movement by myself, but I'm force when we're together....yeah that's them. Anyway, in the newest edition of Fashion Rocks they discuss their relationship and their new reality show, "Mr. and Mrs. Jones." About the show: “Sometimes I feel like “This is cool, man; I have TV cameras following me wherever I go,” he says, sipping a margarita from a plastic cup. “Other times I want to crawl under a rock.” His mouth turns down stubbornly. “I feel like an idiot–’Did I really agree to this?’ It feels so self-absorbed, so self-indulgent.” “It’s going to be great, baby,” says Kelis in the calming tones of someone used to this conversation. “It has to be great, because if it’s not great we won’t let them put it on TV.” How Kelis upgraded Nas' fashion sense: “Before I met Kelis, I wore Gucci or whatever was hot,” says Nas, with admiration in his eyes. “I didn’t dress badly, because there’s no excuse to disrespect the gods of the stage with some bummy shit: I always say you better rob, cheat, or steal threads to look good up there because hip-hop is about being fresh from your head to toes. But this is a whole different level. Kelis has really made me get my spirit up and step up my clothes game.” Luv them! And you KNOW I'll be watching!

Quick Follow-Up

So um, yeah I'm a lil tired of talking about Vivica but I learned today, according to the NY Daily News, that Ms. Viv encountered yet more drama only solidifying her quick decent to the F-list. Vivica A. Fox 's glam New York birthday party Tuesday night turned into a thorny mess of allegations yesterday, with her own stylist claiming she was drinking alcohol in violation of a court order. (I hope ya'll didn't forget about Ms. Viv's recent arrest for drivin while sippin on that sizzurp...) Guests including Shaquille O'Neal, Brooke Hogan and Swizz Beatz were enjoying the festivities at Sol nightclub for her belated 43rd. But the first bump in the evening came when a promised Rolls-Royce Phantom failed to appear at Mr. Chow to take Fox to the party. Her dinner companion, Star Jones, dropped her off instead. This explains why Al U Doin was able to be up in the club sashayin and shante'in. And if that wasn't enough, Shesus Christ aka Ass of a Golden Doodle was told not to come, bitch came anyway (I'm assuming to show off her upgraded new look), and then was told to leave....I was wondering how I could have missed her ass. Then there was a red carpet kerfuffle when Bronx rapper Remy Ma arrived uninvited. "Remy and her management were asked not to attend by the club in advance, due to her pending court case for attempted murder," says an organizer. But like any good diva, the songbird strutted her curves in a tight dress on the red carpet until "she was turned away at the door by a wall of security." Now back to Ms. Viv....who was low balled badly for an appearance fee. I hope she realizes that people from reality shows like the Real World get paid more or the same to make appearances....and this bitch didn't even get paid. Oh Viv. The next day, a check for Fox's $2,500 appearance fee was rejected by her bank because it was drawn on a closed account. When contacted, celebrity stylist Messiah McNair admitted he bounced the check, and promised to replace the money. But a little later he called back, clearly irked at Fox that the information had got out. You can say she was drinking," McNair claimed. Earlier this month, a Los Angeles Superior Court judge barred Fox from consuming alcohol, pending her upcoming arraignment on a March DUI. What I don't understand is why a stylist was responsible for paying for her appearance and why he's bouncin checks? Oh wells! This is what happens to the old and washed up.

Just For Giggles....

Random Ish...

Vivica Fox Brought the Edges back last night at her birthday party/Swizz Beats album release party at Club Sol. Yours truly happened to be in attendance. All I can say is, the lace front works wonders! And really, everyone was there for Swizz....who is fug and skinny as all hell. I hope Vivs friends give her a real party in L.A. or something...I think it is time for her to put it in a seat. I also noted that Shaq is smaller in person than he looks on TV (tho he is quite big), Mario, the singer is a cutie (heeeeeyyyy booooo!!!), Al U Doin Reynolds....yes he was there poppin and lockin that booty hole with random females (while his eye was on dude to his right, left and especially the one in the back)....I guess now that Star got a job he's allowed to "play". Lastly, Miguel Perdomo, who was the In A Word Fab Model of the Moment is DISGUSTINGLY BEAUTIFUL. DAYUM. LIKE FOR REAL. DAYUM. Even better, he is a sweetheart....really nice guy. And wouldn't you know it, Vivica asked him when they were going to make babies. Yes she did. Lucky for her he's a nice guy and just laughed her silly ass off instead of saying what he was thinking which was if you don't get your old, washed-up, plastic face, pushed back forehead, strait to DVD ass out of my face, I will bitch slap you. Nothing like the old smile and nod. Happy 51st Vivica. Happy 51st. Yonce shows her titties....(this is for you CL!) Skanky Brown is finally going to jail....for how long is to be determined but she's in jail until Sept. 7th at the Rose M. Singer Center, a women's jail on Rikers Island. She will prolly be segregated due to the fact that she's deaf and won't be able to hear the shank coming.

See This is That SHIT I'm Talkin Bout....

So I came across a new blog today and saw a posting entitled: Cheat On You Pt. 2 - The Right Chick....clearly, the title was enough to peak my interest. To check out this dude's site click HERE. To just get to what was written on the blog continue reading.... So I'm having a conversation w/ my nigga Juice, last night about the blog I posted yesterday Cheat On You. The comments that follow is real talk, it's how the men of the world, talk to each other, at least real dudes from the hood who are trying to make something for ourselves. My nigga Juice said, we cheat cause we do not have the rite bitch on our team My boy had a point, I thought about it, and I totally understood where he was coming from. It's so hard to find a complete woman around here it's a shame. It's always something missing. So we discussed these topics and I took his statements and decided I needed to clarify this the right way. Juice who said he has 5 chicks, who all do one particular thing very well, to make the perfect one. {1 - one takes care of the kids} This is essential to any good relationship which both parties believe will last. Most woman have children, nowadays and it's extremely hard, to find a woman, w/o kids, so being good w/ kids is needed b/c both of you plan to have kids together, or at least you're supposed to plan, and not have Muary on speed dial for the moment you drop that bundle of joy, to bring in him into the world, on McDonald payments and the change from your purchase of the new Christian Louboutin shoes. (click it if you want to see the shoes). Getting along w/ children is a key factor to a guy who plans on getting married settling down and raising a family together. Now, isn't that what all of us want?. {2 - one wash the clothes and cooks} Newflash more than half of the ladies I know...CAN'T COOK or can cook, just well enough so you won't starve. I get a look of amazement when ladies find out that I can cook, and cook good. You'll ask for seconds I promise. Sometimes I want a plate made for me, and a plate that doesn't involve, hamburger helper or hot pockets. I want what Rachel Ray, just made on the happy women's network. (Evil twin of the Battered Women's channel called Lifetime) Speaking of Lifetime, stop watching that shit, and offer to wash our clothes, clean our house, we can't clean, like a woman!! Women, know all sort of weird concoctions to get Hennessey stains out of a carpet, or how to get that Kool-Aid ring off your counter. NIgga's Pick up your drawls if you want her to clean, she'll put her mouth down there but she won't touch, and doesn't want to see your drawls!!!! {3 - one is independent and dont really need ur ass} One thing that turns me on, is a woman that doesn't need me, o0o00o it gives me the shivers!!! Damn, I think my ManXilla just jumped. But we liked to know that our girl can hold US down, if it came to that. It's nice to know that your lady might just be like boo, do you need me to pay your light bill, or put your wallet away I'm buying you dinner. Damn I think I just got wet. {4 - one sucks a mean one and has the best sex} There weighing in at number 4 is sex!!! This is very important. Matter fact, you know what I met recently? A chick who doesn't give head. Yeah I was shocked too. Nothing ruins a relationship like bad sex. Chicks now, while you all will say that sex isn't important and while many of you may even be w/ men who can't satisfy you sexually, you know the hunger burns inside of you for that mean fucked like he hate you... and holds you and tell you how much he loves you dick. Now, while you may have that inquisitiveness under control you shouldn't have to feel like that, you should be able to get fucked real good and nut after my his forth pump, and you'll continue to get fucked in ecstasy. So open up, don't let the days of your life pass by. {5 - the last watches sportscener wit u after yall come from church after the rest finish thier duties} Very important and most sports fans would love to be able to really really discuss the game w/ their girl. About how Kobe isn't as good as Lebron James, or How many touchdowns Eli Manning threw for last week. Now once in a blue moon a woman would come along who will watch the game w/ you... Now we thank you for watching the game and sort of understanding what's going on, but come on do some homework, we'll watch Girlfriends and DHW's w you follow along so I can tell you what happened if you missed a part. You should be able to do the same, and not number 11 just dunked on the cute guy in the blue on the other team. After our discussion he ended the convo w/ now how the hell am i gonna find all that in one bitch!!!! thas exactly y im single fuk that!!!!!! ya digggzzz I told him, that I'm sure their are some woman out there whose like that but... Where? Seriously, are you fuckin kidding me? I mean, this shit doesn't surprise me in the least....of course he has 5 different women who all have 1 good thing about them. And of course those 5 good qualities are cookin, cleanin, breakin headboards, being able to go about your business and entertain yourself while he entertains himself w/ or w/out other women aka "being independent" and lastly, being able to watch the game with him or at least watch without complaining that you want to watch something else. WHERE THE FUCK DO I BEGIN!!! First of all, when WOMEN ARE ALL OF THESE THINGS AND THEN SOME, dumb motherfuckers can't, won't or dont' know how to appreciate that shit. And you want more than those 5 things....you want someone to wipe your ass, dry your fuckin tears, and spend everyday boosting your ego. The problem is that you "MEN" don't know how to be MEN so you look for everything that you aren't and never will be in places like pussy and the television. You want to be powerful so you think if you have more than one bitch allowing you to tap her ass, that makes you such. You want to be anyone other than you are so you watch athletes and only dream to possess not only their physical and athletic prowess but their wealth, their women, their lives....YOU DUMB FUCKS LIVE IN A FANTASY WORLD and I SO WISH THAT MORE THAN A FEW OF YOU WOULD WAKE THE FUCK UP! When is it your turn? When will WOMEN not have to be EVERYTHING TO EVERYBODY?! When will women be able to STOP putting up with the BULLSHIT EXCUSES AND IDIOTIC "REASONS" as to why you IGNORANT ASSHOLES cheat? When will you be the ones to work your asses of all day, then come home and make sure everyone is fed, all the bills are paid, take time out to ask your girl how her day was and make her feel good about herself, then rock her to sleep (and not with a lullaby either!)??????!!!!! When will the REMAINING Ne-GroY-Dians out there who aren't booty snatchers, who aren't in jail, who didn't drop out from high school, who makes a salary and not a hourly wage, who can hold an intelligent conversation and speak on other shit besides Jay-Z's last album, who can not only cook a meal (cereal don't count jackass) but clean up after himself, who can switch from day to night attire and that doesn't mean switching your Tan Timbs to your Black Timbs with the matching Yankee fitted, who can maintain a swagger and handle his day-to-day on all levels, who can APPRECIATE HIS WOMAN, STAND THE FUCK UP?! It is so time for all you to get OVER YOURSELVES. SERIOUSLY. This bullshit isn't cute anymore. WOMEN are tired of this but so many of us put up with trying to fit your molds and when we do, it still isn't good enough. Fuck all of you. For real. This isn't bitterness, this is straight reality. You question where? Where are we? We are everywhere!! WOMEN are doing the damn thing all over the place! I'm not saying that we aren't fucked up in our right, cuz we are, but there are so many WOMEN who are fierce, fly, and fabulous making it do what it do everyday....AND NO, she don't need shit from no sorry ass motherfucker, cuz she can do it all and then some and way better than you ever could....including rockin herself to sleep. The point is that she knows this, but she doesn't want to do it by herself and so she allows herself to get caught up in dumb asses who don't know what they want or how to appreciate what they have. Then she thinks she can help him. She thinks she can upgrade him. She sees his "potential". So she chooses to work with him and deal with his bullshit. Meanwhile, HE KNOWS he has it all, but just can't be satisfied because he's too dumb to process that all he needs is right there. LADIES....I know you all KNOW you deserve better than a negro with a 5 bitch list. Start believing it. Refuse to SETTLE. Starting RIGHT NOW.

For The Bitches Who Can Afford Premium Cable

Crickets...Anyone? Anyone? I really hope that those of you out there that have Showtime (which is slowly becoming the new HBO...well sort of) are watching this season of Weeds and the new series Californication with David Dukovny...I know that is now how you spell his last name and I don't feel like looking it up, but he's the guy from X-Files. Weeds is simply one of the best shows on TV right now and this season is already proving to be a good one. Why did Celia dump all that weed in the pool?! And Conrad (who is SOOOO CUTE....heeeeyyyy booooooo!!) straight played Nancy when he left her with U-Turn...but Nancy is an idiot and she deserved it. And I loved when Heylia smacked the shit out of Nancy but then Nancy tried to drop kick her on the low...good shit. Californication....David D. will be getting an emmy nod next year and that's just based off the first two episodes. He is AMAZING in this role and this show is brilliantly written, with ridiculous sarcasm and witty undeniable humor, and the sex scenes are crazy....he ends up having sex with his baby motha's fiance's daughter who is 16 years old and while they were having sex the giril is punching him in the face. Here's the kicker...he didn't know who she was until he came over to the baby motha's fiance's house to pick up his own daughter with the black eye she gave him from thier night of fuckin. Seriously, this show might be worth the extra bucks bitches....if anyone out there is feelin me, please holla!

And Again, Why Birth Should Be Made Illegal....

So do ya'll remember when I said Stanky Brown (Inga M.) looked like she was either preggers or all glowy from the trans fatty acids from Popeyes? Well this bitch done told somebody she is getting married in September and she's pregnant...Page Six is reporting this. FOXY Brown outfoxing everyone? Pushing a shopping cart at E. 61st's Bed, Bath & Beyond, she said, "I'm getting married in September. I'm pregnant." . . . At this point, what is there left to say about Inga? She's going to teach her child how to beat people up with blackberrys. Great. She was prolly not even worried about loosenin jaws while on probation cuz she knew that the judge is not going to put a pregnant celeb in jail....very much like Nicole R. And the girl she beat up prolly didn't fight her back cuz she was preggers...but let a bitch dare try to whip out a blackberry, cellphone or two-way on my ass. Pregnant or not, I will dial your heart. Read between those lines bitches.

Where Do The Edges Go: The Vivica Edition

MKAY....See, at least when we see Naomi's edges, she still looks like the hot bitch she is. Ummmm, Viv, Vivvy, Vivica! No ma'am! Just what in the hell! Clearly years of weaves and tight ponytails done done major damage. And I really hate when people try to put some gel on the baby hairs to make edges. Vivica's downward spiral continues....

KLS Life in the Fab Lane: Um, For Next Time, We Usually Come In The Side Entrance

So um, this ep of Life in the Fab lane was good...not great. I was entertained but it could have been just a little bit better....I think what I needed was MORE AOKI! I did love how she told her mother to be sure to thank the people who got her soup. Yes, Aoki, you must always thank the help! In general, I think Kimora has enough assistants....why didn't Sandra or Brandon know what she was doing on the 18th? And why couldn't Brandon find her blackberry. That Brandon seems to be a little incompetent...at least from what they show. I mean really Brandon, shuffling papers around is really the way to find the blackberry. I kind of think that was all for the cameras. Anyway...I could understand if she fired Brandon (would have proved to be much more entertaining) and then hired a new assistant but to have a bunch of assistants just for the sake of having them....I mean, I guess when you can do that, you just do but I don't know bout that. As for Mallory...I guess she'll do. That big bitch who said her weakness is being too aggressive was really funny. The one who said her weakness was candy was funny too. They really all were just a mess...that bitch with the short hair and pink sweater....Kimora would have hurt her feelings. You have to be a certain type of person and have a specific personality to be somebody's personal assistant...especially the personal assistant of someone famous and fabulous. Good luck to Mallory....be sure to use the service entrance and make sure your toe nail paint matches the color of your shoes boo. Mkay?

Mark Your Calendars!

October 12, 2007 is the release of the much anticipated Tyler Perry film, Why Did I Get Married? The trailer isn't the best BUT I know this movie is going to be GREAT and worth our support. I hear Jill Scott STEALS this movie. And you know since her own marriage is a wrap, those emotions are REAL. Not to mention Janet's in it and cuties Malik Yoba (it looks like he has Carmex, Blistex or Vaseline on his lips in this movie) and Richard T. Jones....as well as a strong cast of others. Take a look at the trailer and plan your movie night field trip bitches!!

Jewelz With A Purpose

KLS is the face of the Simmons Jewlery Company which is a line of jewelry and watches under the Baby Phat, Phat Farm, Def Jam brands. More importantly is their line of GREEN jewlery in which proceeds go to DEF. The Mission of the Diamond Empowerment Fund (DEF) is to raise money for the development and empowerment of the people and communities in Africa where diamonds are a natural resource. The Diamond Empowerment Fund is non-profit international organization established by individuals and businesses in the diamond industry and others who are committed to empowerment of Africa. Kimora looks hot in the new ad campaign. Other celebs are supporting the GREEN movement. For more information click GREEN.

Is Something New Really The Way To Go?

For all my "Sistahs" who have spent years in and out of relationships with ne-groy-dians and dealing with endless bullshit which varies in all forms...everything from cheating, baby mama drama, trying to work with his potential, trying to upgrade him, to immaturity, to insecurity, to trying to have enough ambition for the both of you, to having to be the mother, the girlfriend, the freak, the chef....and blah blah blah....I can be here all day talking about why ne-groy-dians ain't shit. Not all, but most. And it just is what it is. With that said, is it really time to explore other race relations? Me and my girls have this conversation quite a lot and for a few of us, it really may be time to see what's really poppin with the vanilla yogurt. My biggest issue is that men in general can't handle me....so I have no idea how a white dude would manage. Not to mention whiteys don't have lips. Like, they have lines as opposed to having lips. I find that to be so unattractive. However, some of them have lips, some of them are hot too. More than a few of them have gotten a "heeeey booooo" from me....but it ends there. I came across an article a couple of weeks ago entitled "'Could Mr. Right be white?' More black women consider 'dating out'" and I kind of just ignored it. I mean the articled dared to say: "They're taking cues from their favorite stars -- from actress Shar Jackson to tennis pro Venus Williams --" Ummmmm, nobody is taking ANY cues from President and Provost of DBU Shar damn Jackson who chose a white loser to father two of her kids not to mention she isn't anybody's "favorite star" and Venus....yeah, no cues. Just no. But the article made other points such as: "Nearly three quarters of the 403,000 black-white couples in 2006 involved black husbands." Which is nothing new....but I won't even go there...at least not today. So anyway, Noah Tepperberg, this party promoter Hollywood guy, who is a short bald headed Jewish guy had a birthday party and among the Diddy's and Timbalands and others there to celebrate, his girlfriend was there too...and who is his girlfriend? Beautiful model Denise Vasi is his girl....and Russell Simmons dated her and word has it she left Russell for Noah....now Russell has more money than Noah and is clearly more famous than Noah....in terms of looks, they are both short and bald, Russell has a lips, but he does yoga and Noah is a chubster....so I can't call it. I would think that means, someone has a better personality or something. The point is that, Denise got herself something new. And they look happy.... In the celebrity world it is very different. Halle Berry is Halle Berry and can have whoever she wants so she of course gets the hotness that is Gabriel. In real life, white bitches don't even get Gabriels. And in celebrity life, fugly or not, there is always a benefit from dealing with someone. The shorties stand on their money stacks and the fuglies can make you a star. But Halle, who has spent her fair share of time on knee pads, is at the point where she can be with anyone. She has her own money and is already a star. At this point, she says she is happier than she has ever been in her life....I won't get started on how Halle is a liar and Eric Benet didn't do none of that shit she claimed he did. Point is, she's happy with her something new. So the question remains....is it time for us to move on and open ourselves to "other" possibilities? Is it time to see whether or not a pink dick is really any different (or as small as I hear they are) from a brown one? Is it time to see if white people really don't wash their asses on a regular basis (as I hear is the case)? Is it time to stop watching "our" men leave us behind for the white "Barbie" that makes him feel like he "won" something? Is it time to stop settling for the bullshit? My alarm is going off. How bout yours?

Oh Just Hell No!

P. Skankton has just debuted her own kid's clothing line. The little girl is wearing a shake your shimmy ugly ass dress and some high heels! Are you fuckin kidding me?! What parent in their right mind if going to buy their kid some shit from Skanton's line? You know what, I'm the idiot here. That is such a dumb as question. Kids everywhere are going to want the chance to look just like P. Skank and the parents are going to just buy it up....not just because their kids want it, but because these days parents are more obsessed than their kids are with making sure their kids are rockin' the hot, new, fashionable trends and having everything that all the other kids have. Even if it is silly and fugly...its all about the name. So sad. Yet another reason why birth should be made illegal and we should end the existence of "man" as we know it. But on a giggly note....who wants to wear P. Skanky's outfits??? Here is just an example of one of the shirts you know you want! Sexy and Valtrexy!!! Click P.Skankton to see more! ugh!